Runnin' With The Devil
by xenasargo2
Summary: Sean and Emma are both having trouble dealing with the shooting. Wasaga is a bust...and Emma's life is in the dumps. Can either one find their way out? crappy summary, but please R&R rated for language, drug use, and sexual situations...possibly some sl
1. Chapter 1 Letters From The Edge

Chapter 1: Letters From The Edge

Sean sighed, shifting uncomfortably in the hard plastic chair. He swallowed hard and wondered once again what he was thinking by ever signing up to have a guidance counselor picking his brain.

Sure, lately the nightmares had gotten worse when they should have been getting better, but he still shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be holding this piece of paper with trembling hands, not wanting to read this letter. But Mr. Jenkins had said it would help him get closure.

The scary part was that Sean didn't really want closure. He knew that closure meant giving up someone who had been a part of his heart for so long. Closure meant peace. Peace meant losing a piece of whom he had been for so long.

But Wasaga wasn't working out. The nightmares were worse. His folks were back to being neglectful drunks, and Sean didn't want to fall back into the person he'd been when he was hanging out with Jay. That Sean had killed someone. Sure, he hadn't meant to…and guilt still ate him up inside, but the truth was that when Emma's life had been on the line, he'd realized something very important. Without Emma, he wouldn't have made it as far as he had.

Mr. Jenkins smiled at Sean, making the boy want to cringe. Instead, he made eye contact and refused to drop it. It was like a silent challenge…'Make me give her up…go ahead and try…'

"OK, Sean. Like I said. This will never be read by anyone. You can even throw it away when you're done."

Sean sighed and nodded. He cleared his throat and started speaking. He'd been memorizing these words for so long that he didn't even need to glance at the page. These were the words he'd dreamt of saying to Emma for so long.

"_Em,_

_You know I suck at words. You know I hate writing more than I hate talking. So, I hope you realize how important these words actually are._

_Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for not calling me a loser. I guess I messed that up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the times I made you mad. I'm even sorrier for the times I made you cry. It sucks that it's all I ever seemed to be able to do._

_I should have been there for you when you went to meet your dad for the first time. You'd put me first so many times, and I was wrong not to go. You should have been able to lean on me when you found out that things weren't what they seemed._

_I'm sorry about hurting you in grade seven. I'm sorry for almost messing that up in grade eight at Jimmy's party. Most of all, I'm sorry for hurting you by putting my own needs ahead of yours. It was selfish._

_When Rick pointed that gun at you…that was the scariest moment of my life. I pictured you falling to the ground, and how my life would be forever changed without you. I couldn't stand it. I'd have rather died than face knowing that I hadn't protected you. _

_You're the most caring person I know. You care about people. You see the good in them when they can't see it for themselves. You showed me compassion when most people wrote me off as another throw away. You refused to see the loser that I'd felt within me for so long. You pushed me…not to change…but to be the person you saw in me. That person was good and smart and funny. That person wasn't the son of two drunks who didn't want him. He wasn't some kid who deafened another kid in one ear. That person was who I really was, and only you saw that. For that, I thank you. _

_When you should have hated me for everything I'd done…ever bit of pain I'd brought you…you forgave me. Just like I forgave you for the whole thing with Jay's car being stripped to check for stolen goods. I was mad at first, but I guess I realize now that you wouldn't have done that if you still hadn't felt something for me. You're not the type to seek revenge if you feel nothing for a person. I deserved it. I'd hurt one of the only people who'd mattered._

_I hope you know that you'll always be a huge part of my heart. No matter where I go or what I do, you'll be part of me. Ever since we've been apart, there's been a huge piece of me missing._

_Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how I feel. You'll always be in my heart._

_Love, Sean"_

Emma sighed and rolled her eyes at Ms. Sauve. She really didn't get why she was here. Hadn't the whole therapy thing in the hospital been enough? Obviously not because they still expected her to attend counseling with Sauve twice a week.

She stared blankly at the piece of paper in front of her. What was this supposed to prove? Oh, yeah. That she'd become a twisted freak ever since Sean had bailed on her. So, now she was here to prove that she was better. Wasn't it enough that she endured the shame of peeing in a cup once a month!

Ms. Sauve seemed to sense her tension. She smiled softly at Emma. "Emma…this is what we talked about."

Emma swallowed back the scream of rage that was bubbling inside of her. "Yeah. I know. You seem to think that I'll never move on if I don't rip off the old wound again, right?" She nodded and rolled her eyes. "Yeah…that's gonna' be easy."

"Emma-"

"No…really. I mean…come on? Closure? Don't you mean that I have to freeze off that part of my heart? Don't you mean I have to rip it out and stomp it up…shatter it into a million pieces?" She stared down at her scarred wrists. "You expect this stupid letter to erase three years of my life, and squash him into oblivion, right?"

Ms. Sauve sighed and shook her head. "Emma…just read it, OK? You'll feel much better."

Emma sighed. "It's…it's not a new letter, just so you know. It's…old…from that day."

Ms. Sauve nodded and Emma rolled her eyes again, pulling a piece of frayed edge from the paper, rolling it into a tight little ball. Her throat worked and she had to clear it several times before she could speak.

"_Dear Sean,_

_I tried to kill myself today. I took a razor and…well, I'm sure you get the point. Get it? Point? But instead of dying, I just lay there on the bathroom floor and bled. Just as I'd closed my eyes and let the wave of dizziness take over my body, Snake showed up. _

_Did you know that people sound really distant when you're almost dead? I knew he was screaming, but it was like I was in this sound tunnel or something. The screaming sirens were nothing more than the beep of an annoying neighbor's alarm clock._

_I'm sick of the whispers. I'm sick of the stares. Even worse, I'm sick of seeing all the happy fucking couples out there and knowing that I finally found something that made me a failure._

_I let Jay talk me into going into the ravine. You know you get a yellowish green bracelet for giving a blowjob? I do. I could have kept it my secret shame if the STD Fairy hadn't been so giving that week. Talk about a way to get the guys to come falling at your feet! Well…those guys who aren't calling you a whore to your face. I know that doesn't matter to you, but I figured that, as long as I was clearing the air…_

_After Jay had his fun and ruined my reputation, I met another guy named Peter. He wanted Manny at first. He did some horrible things to her. Then he apologized and pretended to like me. Stupid me…still thinking there was hope for this miserable sack of sht that I'd become since Rick, I fell for it and dated him behind Manny's back. But of course, the moment she found out, I found out I'd been nothing more than a pawn on a chessboard. Manny hates me, and Peter got what he wanted. Except that Emma was the one who needed Manny all these years. Bet you thought it was the other way around, huh?_

_So…I met up with Jay's buddy Aaron. Not that cute…not very nice…but he seemed to like me. And I was desperate for someone to give a damn. So, when he dropped the ultimatum to pop a OxyCodone or hit the road, I realized it wouldn't matter to anyone, so I did it. It was the most insane feeling. I hated it. But Aaron kept hinting he'd bail if I didn't get with his program. And guess what? His program earned me more bracelets and another bout of gonorrhea. I don't even remember earning most of the bracelets. I just remember seeing that ugly green color on my wrist every morning when I woke up sick as a dog and aching for a fix. Each new fix earned me a new bracelet._

_So, yeah. I finally realized I needed to get out. But the problem is you don't just walk away from Aaron. Not without a few broken ribs and a bloodied nose. Might have been worse if Jay hadn't happened upon the whole thing and did something decent for once in his miserable existence. So…yeah…I came home and tried to get out on my own terms._

_Don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe someday it'll give you a good laugh…or maybe a good cry. Who knows? You were so hard to read after you started hanging out with Jay._

_Funny thing is that I should be blaming you, but I'm not. I'm laying here, watching the IV drip in my arm…trying to push the drugs out of my system…and all I can think of is how much I miss you. You messed up a lot, and I always gave you chance after chance, and even though you hurt me, you never used me. You never hit me or…well, you just never made me…it doesn't matter. I still love you, and that's what matters. I hate it, but I do._

_Love Forever,_

_Em"_

Sean sighed and folded the letter, sliding it gently into his notebook. Mr. Jenkins waited, a patient smile pasted on his lips. "See? Now don't you feel better?"

Sean stared at the man, dumbfounded. "You're serious? Hell no! How is a stupid letter going to make it all better?"

Mr. Jenkins sighed. "Sean. You have to let it go."

Sean stood up, shaking his head furiously. "No…YOU need to back off and let go of this jackass idea that you can fucking make me forget about her…about killing him…" He sighed, his hand on the knob. "Look. This game you're playing isn't working. So…I don't think I'll bother coming back. Thanks, though."

Sean stalked out and slammed the door angrily behind him. Fck Jenson! Stupid bastard!

Emma carefully slid the letter into an envelope. She stared at the floor. "There. Happy?"

Sauve sighed. "The point is…are YOU happy?"

Emma lifted dull eyes at the counselor. "Do I LOOK happy?" She sighed and rolled her eyes. "No. I'm not. You keep trying to take him away…you act like he was the problem. He wasn't. I was. I'm nothing but a fucked up junky whore and nothing you can say or do will change that!

She stood up and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Stupid, pompous bitch!

She walked out of the school and straight up to the brunette leaned over a familiar car. "Done already?" the brunette asked with a frown, sliding an arm over Emma's shoulders with a frown.

"Yeah. Look. Can we go now? I want to go home."

"Sure, Kid. Hey," she muttered to the person in the car. "You coming by tonight?"

"Dunno. Are we gonna' party?"

The brunette stared at Emma who shrugged. "I'm not really in the mood, but I can deal with a little bit of fun, so sure."

"Great. See you at eight," he called, pulling away.

"So, Blondie? What are we gonna' do till' tonight?"

Emma lights a cigarette. "Don't know…don't care. Let's get the fuck out of here."


	2. Chapter 2 Only God Knows Why

Chapter 2: Only God Knows Why

_lyrics by Kid Rock_

_(Obviously, this won't all be a song fic...just when the lyrics seem to fit the chapter)_

**I've been sittin' here trying to find myself.  
I get behind myself. I need to rewind myself.**

Sean sat on his front porch, watching everyone walk by. For once it didn't seem to matter where they were going or what they were doing. All that mattered was that they were going _somewhere _and doing _something._

"Shit!" he muttered as he saw Tyler jogging up. He wasn' t in the mood to talk to anyone...even his friend.

"Hey, Cameron. I thought you needed a ride after counseling."

"Fuck Jenkins. He can shove all that touchy feely shit up his ass," Sean grumbled and frowned as a petite brunette waved and giggled. His frown deepened as she flicked her curls over her shoulder and stared openly.

Tyler saw the girl and chuckled. "Damn, Man! She's hot!"

Sean's glance barely flicked over the girl's tiny little skirt that showed a peek of her butt cheeks and her barely there, breast-revealing shirt. "Why don't you go home and put some clothes on or something?" he shouted angrily at her.

Tyler's jaw dropped as the girl hurried off near tears. "What the hell was that? She was hot!"

Sean shook his head. "No…she's nothing but a Manny wanna be. I'm not into skeezy little sluts who get themselves knocked up while they're screwing another chick's old man."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Tell you what? Why don't I come back when you're not so moody?"

"Whatever," Sean muttered with a shrug.

"So…need a ride from coun-"

"Didn't you just hear me say 'Fuck' him? I'm not going back!"

"Fine…fine. Call me when you've cooled off."

**Lookin' for the payback, listen for the playback.  
They say that every man bleeds just like me.**

Emma sat on the couch and stared blankly at the TV while she ripped up a piece of paper, balling it into tiny little pieces and flicking them at the screen.

"Are you done trashing this place?"

Emma shrugged. "Don't know yet."

"Yeah, well…you _do _remember we have people coming over tonight, right?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah," she sighed. "So…let me have a smoke and I'll clean this shit up."

"Sure. That's cool. So…what did Sauve have to say today?"

Emma sneered. "I hate that bitch. She's arrogant and-"

"She's just trying to help."

"No…she's trying to make me forget about what happened. Like I can snap my fingers and make it all go away. She's never had to deal with having a gun-"

"You can't keep dwelling on that, Emma!"

"You want me to forget?" Emma asked the brunette. She stood up and walked over to her, getting nose to nose with her. Their lips lightly brushed. Emma pulled back sadly. "I can't. I can't forget," she mumbled quietly. "Look. I'm going to go do something before the gang's all here."

The other girl nodded and watched her leave. She sighed and began picking up the bits of paper herself.

**And I feel like number one yet I'm last in line.  
I watch my youngest son and it helps to pass the time.**

"Sean! Get in here!" his father called angrily from the trailer. Sean let out a harsh sigh and stood up. He walked inside, not bothering to be careful about the way he yanked the screen door opened.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"What the hell is this shit?" his dad yelled, waving a piece of paper in Sean's face. Sean frowned.

"I can't exactly read it when you're waving it like that, Dad."

"You're such a shit! You know that? An ungrateful shit!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, Emma, Emma, Emma!" his dad squealed in a high-pitched, mocking voice.

Sean's face drained of all color. "Give me that," he growled menacingly.

"Are you trying to break your mother's heart or what? Leaving this shit lying around?"

"I said to give it to me!" Sean shouted furiously.

His father began ripping up the paper and Sean snapped. He lunged at his father, shoving him to the floor as he scrambled to pick up the bits of paper. "You selfish, drunken son-of-a-bitch!" he raged.

"You think she wants a loser like you?" Sean's dad laughed as he struggled to stand. "Please! That little whore probably has her legs wrapped around any boy who'll give her a pity screw!"

Sean stared at his father for nearly a minute before clenching his fist and swinging. His knuckles connected squarely with his jaw, sending him back to the floor in a drunken heap. "Fuck you, old man! Fuck you and the whore you rode in on!" Sean hissed as he snagged the last piece of paper from the floor and stormed out.

**I take too many pills. It helps to ease to pain.  
I made a couple dollar bills but still I feel the same.**

Tears rolled down Emma's cheeks as she pushed the boy away. "OK…now give me my stuff," she sniffled as she fixed her skirt.

"Told you that you couldn't make it without me, Babe."

"Yeah. Fine." Emma looked at the piece of cellophane in her trembling hand. "What the hell is this! That's not our deal!"

Aaron shrugged. "Babe…I've had way better…even from your uptight little ass."

"The deal was six pills!"

"Actually…blow jobs were six pills. A good old fashioned screw was ten…_if _it was worth it."

"And…? You only gave me four!"

"Bring better game next time, and you'll get ten," he said patting her rump.

"Go to hell, shit head!" Emma hissed.

She barely had the package in her pocket before his fist swung out and connected with her cheek, sending her to the grassy ravine floor.

"Green Peace?"

Aaron looked up quickly, and saw Jay standing there. "Get this little piece of trash out of my sight before I kill her."

Jay glared at Aaron for a moment before going over to help Emma stand. She snatched her hand away. "Get off me, Jay!" she hissed.

Jay ignored her. "I'll take you home, Emma. Aaron? You didn't give her anything, did you?"

"Nah, Man. She aint' a player in my little game no more. Remember? She's too uptight now…pretending she's a good girl."

Jay clenched his jaw. "Get in my car, Emma."

"Jay-"

"NOW!"

Emma scurried off. Jay turned back to Aaron.

**Everybody knows my name. They say it way out loud.  
A lot of folks fuck with me. It's hard to hang out in a crowd.  
**

"Hey, Sean!"

Sean didn't even turn to look at whoever was calling as he strode angrily down the beach.

"Hey, Man! What's up?"

Another voice to ignore.

"Sean!"

Finally, he couldn't stand all the voices shouting out. "Shut the fuck up already!" he screamed out. He felt a deep sense of satisfaction as the beach became suddenly silent. He didn't need this. He didn't need any of it.

He walked around to the edge of the beach where there were no surfers…no swimmers…and he ripped his shoes off. He needed a swim to clear his head. He shoved the bits of paper into his discarded shoe and ripped off his shirt. He let thoughts of Emma surround him as he walked into the cool water.

He didn't feel the gooseflesh raising on his arms as the water swirled around his shoulders. He heard the gun go off and smelled the gunpowder stinging his nostrils. He felt the warm blood filling his hands. This was it. He finally realized that nothing was ever going to take that day away…

**I guess that's the price you pay to be some bigshot like I am.  
Outstretched hands and one-night stands, still I can't find love.**

When Jay came out of the woods, Emma was sitting on the hood of his car. He glared at her for a moment.

"What'd he give you?"

"Just a black eye. No biggy. Wouldn't be the first time he used me as a punching bag."

"What the hell were you doing going back there?"

"Needed a walk. Seemed like as good a place as any," she mumbled.

He stepped closer to her. "Did you get what you came for?"

Emma shook her head. "Nope. So, you don't have to-"

"What the hell's your deal?"

Emma shrugged. "Dunno anymore," she mumbled with a chuckle. She sighed and frowned, standing up. "Wanna' frisk me for drugs? Or maybe a strip search?" she huffed angrily, unzipping the tiny, frayed denim skirt.

Before Jay could stop her, the skirt fell and she was standing in front of him in tiny black underwear. She pulled off her little gray top, revealing a black bra. She hopped up on the hood with a strange laugh and stretched her arms out. "So, frisk me, Big Guy!"

Jay sighed harshly, shaking his head and picking up her clothes. "I don't want to frisk you, Green Peace."

He stood in front of her with her clothes. "Put your shit back on."

Emma smirked and grabbed his belt, pulling him closer. She kissed him and pulled him over her, grinding her self against his groin and moaning. "Or…you could help me finish taking it off," she murmured softly.

Jay felt her fingers sneaking up his shirt. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. He groaned as his body tightened in response.

"Hmmm…I'll take that as a yes?" she chuckled.

Jay snapped back into reality and jerked away. "I don't go for Aaron's disease infested sloppy seconds," he growled, feeling guilty at the pained look in her eyes. He tossed her clothes at her. "Get dressed and get in the car."

**When your walls come tumbling down  
I will always rebound.**

"Sean!"

The voice was really distant. He tried to sleep…tried to ignore it…until he felt the sharp sting of a hand slashing across his cheek. His eyes snapped open to the bright sun. He coughed.

"Thank God!" Tyler said with a relieved sigh. "I thought you weren't gonna' come back!"

When Sean finished vomiting the water from his lungs, he rolled back onto his back. "So?"

"So? Sean! Did you do that on purpose?"

"Leave me alone, Man."

"Are you crazy?"

Sean laughed at his friend's shock. "Gee…three months of going to the school shrink, and you hadn't figured it out yet?"

Tyler sat down hard and shook his head. "Shit, Man. You know I've gotta' turn you in, right? You'll go to one of those homes!"

Sean shrugged. "And your point is?" He sat up and looked out over the water. A laugh bubbled up in his throat, making Tyler frown. "So…you can call now. The sooner the better."

Tyler sighed and shook his head.

**And when your walls come tumbling down  
I will always rebound. **

Jay pulled into Emma's parking lot. "Uhhh…thanks," she mumbled nervously.

He nodded. "See you in a few hours?"

Emma nodded. "Sure. I'll…I'll tell Alex-"

"How are things going with you two?"

Emma shrugged. "It's cool. We get along…which is more than I can say for me and Spike. And living with Arch sucked…and that foster home was a shit hole. I'm just glad Spike finally let me come here."

"Hey, Sprout?" he sighed angrily. "Why in the hell do you let him do that? I mean…why would you let him screw you for a few lousy pills?"

Emma grabbed the door handle. "You wouldn't get it."

Jay caught her arm. "Is it because of what we did? I mean…we messed around, but is it…Emma you're too good to hook yourself out for that shit! It almost got you killed twice in one damned day!"

"Like I said-"

"No…you keep avoiding saying it. Hell, Emma. I haven't heard one sane word from your lips since Cameron left."

Emma chuckled. "And with Cameron, so went my sanity…"

"Just…you're too good for all that. Hell, even I don't hang out with Aaron after he did that to you. You can't keep going back and letting him. Someday I won't get there in time."

Emma got out and shrugged. "Ever thought that maybe it's what I'm secretly hoping?" She slammed the door and hurried up the steps.

**People don't know about the things I say or do.**

**_This is only intended for those who find enjoyment in stealing other people's work and calling it their own on other sites. I DO keep very thorough records of when I begin a story, and when I edit or post on every single one. Plagiarism is illegal, not to mention rude and very stupid. So...please READ and ENJOY, but do NOT force me to get nasty by posting my story elsewhere. I'm VERY rude when someone's rude to me...so, please don't force me to do so. Thanks!_**


	3. Chapter 3: Sloe Gin Fizz

Chapter 3: Sloe Gin Fizz

Big Time Warning: OK...this chapter will reveal some secrets. Drug and alcohol use and abuse is discussed, though not graphically at this point.

Emma tried to slip in the door without Alex seeing her, but it didn't work. Alex was standing in the kitchen and looked up when she heard the door open. Her eyes widened at Emma's bruised face.

"Emma!" she muttered in shock as she hurried over to examine her eye. "What the hell happened?"

Emma sighed and jerked her head back from Alex's gentle touch. "It's nothing. I just ran into Aaron, and had a little chat with his fist again. No big deal."

"No big deal? Em-"

"Jay came along just in time, don't worry. I'm fine." Emma shrugged. "He thought…he thought I came back to the ravine for…but I didn't. I just needed a walk."

Alex grabbed Emma's wrist and led her into the kitchen. "Sit," she muttered as she turned to make an ice pack for her friend. "Why would you go back there?"

Emma sighed. "I was just…I thought walking in the last place that Sean…that he…" she sighed in frustration, wincing as the ice pack pressed the tender flesh of her eye. "Everyone tells me that I can't move on if I don't make myself. So I figured I'd do it."

Alex laughed and sat across from her friend. "You're a drama queen…you know that, right?"

Emma shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, well…I'm gonna' hit the shower. But thanks for the pack," she murmured as she shoved the ice pack back into the freezer."

Sean stared out over the water, waiting for Tyler to come back with the police. A smirk played on his lips. At least he wouldn't get stuck going home tonight. His dad would probably sober up enough to remember what Sean had done to him. Old Papa Cameron would knock his head off his shoulders if he had the chance.

"Not today, Old Man," Sean muttered with a soft chuckle. "Hopefully never again."

Tyler walked up the beach, a towel in one hand, a can of soda in the other. He sat next to Sean with a pained grunt. "Who you talkin' to? Imaginary buddy, Buddy?" he asked as he handed him the can.

Sean shook his head and laughed. "I'm not _that _far off yet, Guy." He sighed and leaned back. "So…when can I expect the men in little white coats?"

"You can't."

"What?" Sean asked, beginning to panic a bit. "I thought…I mean I…I tried-"

Tyler shook his head and snatched the can from Sean, taking a drink. "Cut the shit, Cameron. Your old man was just looking for you. I saw the shiner you gave him…and I know why you pulled that stupid stunt."

Sean snorted angrily. "Fine. Whatever." He stood. "So what? I go home, get the shit beat out of me, and the cops haul me out of that hell hole anyway." He shrugged. "Either way-"

"Sean, if it's so damned bad, then why don't you go home?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Home. As in Toronto. Go back…win your girl back-"

He rolled his eyes. "Which one? Ellie…the girl who probably took a blade to her arm the moment she walked back into our old apartment without me? Or do you mean Emma…the one itch I never could seem to scratch?"

Tyler smirked and shrugged. "The hot one?"

Sean shoved him playfully. "Oh, _that _really helps!"

Emma brushed her wet hair and pulled it into a ponytail. She slid her legs, which still bore the effects of her rapid weight loss (and the roughness of Aaron's hands earlier in the day) into a pair of worn black jeans. She frowned. How in the hell had the knees gotten ripped out like that?

She grabbed a black tank top from Alex's closet. She'd just turned to the mirror and began to tuck in the shirt when a memory flickered into her mind.

"_Hold her legs!"_

Emma gasped sharply and jerked her head up to look at her face in the mirror. The laughter burned her ears and her stomach turned. She looked deeply into her once soft brown eyes…now dull and lifeless. She heard herself screaming.

"_Shut her up! Shut her the fuck up!"_

Emma walked out of the room she shared with Alex and into the living room. Alex took one look at her and frowned. "You need to talk about it," she told her friend again. "What the hell happened?"

Emma shook her head and grabbed a bottle of gin from the cabinet. She pulled out a few glasses and tossed some ice in them. She poured the alcohol into the glasses. "When are they getting here?" she asked absently.

"In about an hour. Plenty of time to spill-"

Emma shook her head again and went to the bookshelf, pulling out a Shakespeare book and opening it. The book had been hollowed out to make a neat little hiding place. She pulled out a tiny box and opened it. Inside were three joints and a pipe. She pulled out a joint and waved it at Alex with a grin. "Guess Kwan was right when she said Shakespeare was useful."

Alex chuckled and pulled a lighter from her pants pocket. "I always wondered where you hid your stash! But…I'll let it slide since you share."

Emma grinned and snatched the lighter from Alex.

Sean felt a cold chill sweep through him as he stared out over the water.

"Something wrong?" Tyler asked, noticing Sean shiver.

"Just…a weird feeling is all." He sighed and tried to shake Emma's screaming image out of his mind.

"You should just call her, Man," Tyler said knowingly.

Sean sighed and stood up, shaking his head. "Can't do it."

"Why not?"

"Cause…you see how screwed up I am! I need to get fixed before I can talk to her. I can't bring her into my shit…never again."

Tyler shrugged. "You had your chance. You blew it. Jenkins told you how to help yourself."

Sean snorted. "Yeah. He told me to forget about her. Like I can forget the sweetest, most innocent and loving chick on the planet!"

Alex and Emma had finished smoking the joint and Emma lit a cigarette while Alex poured them more drinks.

"Are you ever gonna' talk about what happened to you in that-"

"_Hurry up, Man! I want a go!"_

Emma shook her head sharply. "Nope. Not worth discussing." Emma took a big swig from her glass. She laid her head back on the couch and listened to the radio, which was blaring loudly in the tiny apartment.

"Don't trust me, huh?" Alex teased. "That's OK…I don't have any feelings to hurt anyway." She started to get up, but Emma caught her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"I forgot the bottle in the kitchen. I need a refill."

Emma nodded and let go of Alex's wrist. "How much longer?"

"Oh…about…half an hour."

Emma smiled, a strange laugh erupting in her throat. "You know…I got some stuff today."

Alex frowned. "What? You did what?"

Emma laughed again. "Yup. Spread my whoring little legs. Did you know I'm only worth four pills now?"

"What the hell, Emma!"

Emma's laughter broke into sobs of pain. "Sixteen and overused. Do you know what that's like…to know you're worn out?"

Alex sighed and knelt in front of Emma. "Stop it. That shit's just an old wives' tale."

"H-How do you know? Y-You're not like me!"

Alex sighed and sat next to her. "Things are messed up for you right now." She frowned. "You said you got the pills. Where'd…did you take any?"

Emma shook her head. "Nope. I…I just wanted…you know…to have them…to know I could get them. I'm not gonna' take them. I promise. I'll just give them to one of Jay's friends or something."

Alex nodded. "As long as you promise…"

"I do."

Alex sighed and laid her head on Emma's shoulder. "Weird how we're friends now. Who'd have ever thought-"

Emma's lips found Alex's. Alex didn't fight her back and Emma deepened the kiss, her tongue slipping into Alex's mouth. Alex moaned softly and cupped Emma's cheek before pulling away. She dropped her forehead to Emma's. "Em…you're not…don't try to do this to make Sean go away. Cause he won't. And you'll only screw yourself up more," she murmured softly. She dropped a soft kiss to Emma's head and stood up, leaving the room.

Sean shoved the bits of paper into his pocket and slowly walked up the steps to his trailer. His hand shook as he opened the door. His fear intensified when he walked into the living room to find his mother lying in a battered heap on the floor.

"Mom?" he gasped as he knelt in front of her. "What-"

"Get out of here, Seany!" she whispered as a sob bubbled forth. "He's-"

Sean felt the sharp stab of pain to his ribs as his father kicked him. He yelped in shock and tumbled to the floor.

"Stop, Chet!" his mother cried.

"Little bastard! Think you can waltz in here and deck your old man?"

Sean felt another blow connect with his midsection and he curled up to protect his stomach.

"You need to learn not to mess with me!"

"Please, Chet-"

"Shut up, Bitch!" he screamed. "Shut up or he'll get it worse!" he shouted as he stomped down on Sean's back.

Sean let out a scream of pain as the blackness took over. The last thing he remembered was the realization that he couldn't feel his legs…and the familiar male shout of another person in the room. It sounded distant…far away as he slipped into the darkness.

Did he hear a gunshot?


	4. Chap 4: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Chapter 4: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

_lyrics by Fallout Boy_

WARNING: This chapter deals with abuse...physical and sexual. I toned down the graphic-ness (is that even a word?), but I can't promise it won't bother some people. Also deals with suicide.

**Drink down that Gin and Kerosene,  
And come spit on bridges with me,  
Just to keep us warm.  
Light a match to leave me be.  
Light a match to leave me be.**

Emma and Alex were lying on their backs on the floor laughing hysterically at nothing when Jay walked in. He smirked and sat between the two girls. "Been hittin' the bottle?" he asked as he picked up the bottle and took the final small swig.

Emma and Alex lifted their heads slightly to glance at each other knowingly before dropping back and laughing again. Jay frowned.

"OK, ladies…I smell it…and you'd better share!"

"Or what?" Emma asked, sitting up.

"Don't make me hang you by your ankles and shake you for the stuff!" he teased. He frowned at Alex. "You see what a bad influence you are on the kid? She's plain mean now."

Alex rolled on her side and tapped his nose with the tip of her finger. "Yup. Pretty cool, ain't it?"

Jay grabbed Alex and pulled her on top of him. They laughed and Emma watched, smiling. She rolled her eyes and stood up when Jay's lips latched onto Alex's neck.

"I've got the munchies," she mumbled. "Anybody want pizza?" she asked and hurried to the phone without waiting for an answer.

Emma was used to this. Soon, the party would be in full swing and Jay and Alex would excuse themselves and disappear into the small bedroom the girls shared.

Emma ordered the pizza and hung up, carrying a bowl of popcorn into the living room. She frowned, realizing the room was empty. She sat on the couch and nibbled at the buttery, salty kernels.

Sean's eyes slowly drifted open. He looked around the all white room, a frown crossing his face as he tried to remember what had happened. Pain shot through him as he tried to sit up.

"Wouldn't do that if I were you."

Sean moaned in pain and frowned again. "T-Tracker? What the hell are you doing here?"

Tracker shrugged. "Tyler called me earlier today and told me you'd tried to off yourself."

Sean sighed and looked to the side. "And what? You thought you could come make it all better for me?"

Tracker sighed and rolled his eyes. "I just drove all the way here, and saved your ass! I'd think you'd be a _bit _more grateful."

Sean sighed. "He wouldn't have killed me. He-"

"Oh, no? Then explain the bullet hole in the wall at home sweet home!"

"What?"

**I keep my jealousy close,  
'Cause it's all mine.  
And if you say this makes you happy,  
Then I'm not the only one lying.**

Emma froze when the music stopped. Her heart thumped in her chest, and her cheeks burned furiously as the sounds of panting and moaning carried through the thin door of the bedroom. Soon, the bed was thumping against the wall, and the springs creaked.

She swallowed hard and stood up quickly to put a new CD in before people started arriving. "Damn!" she muttered as the bowl of popcorn toppled to the floor. She dropped to her knees to pick the food up and gasped at the memory.

"_You like that, don't you, Whore?"_

Emma stood up quickly. Fuck the popcorn. The speed of the thumping on the wall increased and Emma hurried to the CD player, tears burning in her eyes.

Alex cried out and Emma's hands shot to her ears. She yelped in surprise at the sound of Jay grunting loudly and Alex crying out again.

The room suddenly went quiet and Alex hurried out, a huge tee shirt covering her nude body. "Emma?" she knelt next to the blonde who was huddled in the corner shivering.

Sean stared at the ceiling, his mind trying to process what Tracker was telling him. "Is…is mom OK?"

Tracker nodded and cleared his throat. "A few bumps and bruises, but she'll be OK."

Sean nodded and shifted, gasping painfully at the burning sensation in his side. "So much for the 'one big happy family' crap, huh?"

Tracker sighed. "Little Bro…our family's never been happy. I know it sucks, but that's just the way it is."

"Yeah," Sean mumbled with a harsh chuckle. "No wonder I'm so screwed up."

The older Cameron shrugged. "Can't blame you. Look. Mom's coming to stay with me for a bit. I think you should too."

Sean nodded. "Yeah. After…after finals."

Tracker nodded. "But stay the hell away from the old man. He's gonna' be fired up for quite a while."

"I'll find somewhere to stay…a shelter or something."

"Tyler offered to let you stay with him after you get out of here."

"I…my legs…they went numb…"

Tracker nodded. "Yeah. Uhhh…nerve damage. It should be OK in a few days. The swelling was already going down as of a few hours ago."

"Oh," Sean mumbled. He didn't know whether to be more upset…or if he should be relieved.

"I'll go get some of your stuff and move it to Bishop's tonight. Dad's in a cell for the night, so…" Tracker studied his brother. "Want me to give Nelson a call…or maybe that Ellie chick?"

Sean shook his head. "Nope. No sense bugging them…since I haven't talked to either of them since I left."

"What about that Jay guy?"

Sean shook his head.

**Keep quiet,  
Nothing comes as easy as you.  
Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret  
And your biggest mistake.  
The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day.**

Alex hugged Emma tightly, rocking her and talking softly. Jay, now clad in unbuttoned jeans, stood above them frowning. "What the hell?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. Something happened to her before she moved in. She won't talk about it."

Jay's jaw clenched and unclenched. "My guess is that it all goes back to Aaron." He punched the wall and started walking out the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To have a little 'chat' with Aaron!"

"No!" Emma wailed. "Just…no. Don't. I'm…I'm OK."

Jay frowned. "Sprout…he…what the hell did he do?"

Emma shook her head. "Nothing…nothing I didn't…didn't deserve. Just…let it go."

Jay sighed and sat next to Emma, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. "You don't deserve this, Emma! No one does."

Sean sighed and clenched his jaw as his mother limped into the room. He wanted to feel sorry for her, but…"How are you feeling?"

"I'm…sorry," she mumbled weakly. "I should have-"

"What? Protected me?" Sean sighed. "You tried."

"No…I should have…made him leave years ago. I should have made you number one."

Sean's lip trembled. "Little too late for that now…you know…since you just stood by and watched Daddy Dearest go Jackie Chan on me over and over ever since the shooting."

Mrs. Cameron nodded. "I know. I…I _do _love you, Sean."

Sean nodded. "You…yeah. I know. Maybe…maybe someday I can say it back, but right now? Right now I'm too fucked up to mean it."

**So wear me like a locket around your throat.  
I'll weigh you down.  
I'll watch you choke.  
You look so good in blue.  
You look so good in blue.**

Emma stood in front of the bathroom sink and sighed. She hadn't cried…couldn't seem to cry anymore. Not since…

_"Hold her legs…"_

Every bit of her body burned. Her skin was slicked with sweat and she felt sick. She kept glaring at herself. She hated who she was…who she'd become. There was a light tap on the door.

"You OK in there?" Alex asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Yeah. Fine. I'll be right out."

"We can cancel the party if you're not up to it," Jay called through the door.

"Emma Nelson? Not up for a party? You _must _be joking!" Emma called back, trying to tease.

Emma sighed and looked around on the floor. She finally found her skirt and picked it up. Her hands shook as she pulled the small wrapper from the pocket. She stared miserably at the pills inside, trying to shove back the memory of what she'd been wearing that day…the black jeans she now had on…and a blue sweater, which was no more.

Emma fell to her knees in front of the toilet and threw up. She was sweating, but she felt cold all over. She was trembling from the inside out. When it was over, she stood and filled a cup with water, staring hard at the pills, willing them to go away as she brushed her teeth.

Sean stared out the window as Tracker sat and talked to him.

"Have you been talking to the counselor?"

"Yeah…just saw him today."

Sean didn't see Tracker nod because his head was still turned. "Oh, yeah. Bishop said you bailed early."

Sean sighed harshly and turned to Tracker. "You want to be my brother…fine. You want to be my babysitter? Eat shit."

"You need to get off it, Dude. This little asshole attitude isn't fooling me. I raised you, remember?"

Sean nodded. "How could I forget? I wasn't in a mind altering drunk like our folks were…remember?"

Tracker sighed. "Dude…I can't leave you with Tyler if you're being like this."

"Yeah, well you aint' gonna' drop everything just to move back to this shit hole town, so…I guess you'll just have to deal…and so will he."

"That's it! You're coming to Alberta-"

"You're not my dad! In case you've forgotten, my dad's a drunk who tried to kill me!"

"Sean…"

**Keep quiet,  
Nothing comes as easy as you.  
Can I lay in your bed all day?  
You look so good in blue.  
You look so good in blue.**

Emma took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom, shoving the packet in her pocket. 'Just in case,' she told herself.

"Feeling better?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. Puking helped."

Alex frowned. "That's not funny, Emma."

Emma shrugged and walked away. "It wasn't a joke."

Before Alex could respond, the doorbell rang. Jay opened it and several people spilled in.

Emma flashed a smile. "Time to party!" she yelled and grabbed a guy she knew as Teddy (one of the Montreal Crew) and dragging him to the dance floor.

"You think she's OK?" Jay asked, walking up to Alex.

Alex rolled her eyes. "The only thing that might make her OK is if Cameron walked through that door right this moment and whisked her away."

Jay frowned. "Like that'll ever happened. He pussed out."

Alex shrugged. "Can you blame him? Hell…look at her. Look what he had to look forward to."

They watched as Emma draped herself around Teddy.

"Can anyone get me my jeans?" Sean asked.

Tracker, who was the only one in the room, sighed. "You're not getting out of bed."

Sean shook his head. "Wasn't planning on it. Just need my jeans…and some tape."

Tracker was so confused by the statement that he found Sean's pants. "I'll go ask for some tape," he muttered.

"I need clear!" Sean shouted to Tracker's back.

When Tracker brought the tape in, he watched as Sean painstakingly taped the letter back together. Sean finally finished, the effort taking everything out of him, and he fell asleep with the letter to Emma lying on his chest.

Tracker watched him for a while before lifting the paper up and reading it. He sighed and folded it up.

**So wear me like a locket around your throat.  
I'll weigh you down.  
I'll watch you choke.  
You look so good in blue.  
You look so good in blue.**

Emma and Teddy were lying on the bed. The room was dark. His hands were pulling roughly at her zipper, and suddenly the room was too small.

"Wait! Uhhh…slow down…"

His mouth was suddenly on hers again, effectively cutting off her words. The room shrank even more and she shoved at him. "Stop!" she gasped.

He muttered something angrily and Emma suddenly saw stars as his fist connected with the same spot that Aaron had bruised earlier that day. She screamed out, but everything was quickly going black. She felt herself being tossed around roughly as her jeans were separated from her thin legs. "P-Please no!" she whispered as she felt a familiar pain. She cried out, but her voice was distant, even to her own ears as she blacked out.

When Emma came to, she was nude but blessedly alone…covered in bruises and bite marks. Every inch of her body hurt. She let out a sob and picked up her jeans. She knew what had happened…and what she would be going through…she took the packet from her jeans and ripped it open, dumping all four pills in her mouth. She lay back down, curled into the fetal position and sobbed in anguish. There would be no letter this time…nothing…

Sean jerked awake with a shout.

"You OK, Man?"

Sean looked around to see Tracker and Tyler sitting beside his bed. "Emma?" he murmured.

Tracker sighed. "No, Sean. You're…in Wasaga."

Sean continued to tremble. "I…she…I had a dream."

Tyler sighed. "Another nightmare?"

Sean nodded and lay back down. "Yeah…just another nightmare. She's…she's OK. She's tough. I'm just putting my crap on her, I guess." He closed his eyes, but couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.


	5. Chapter 5: I'm Supposed To Die Tonight

Chapter 5: I'm Supposed To Die Tonight

Jay and Alex were dancing when Alex noticed Teddy sitting on the couch holding a can of beer against his lips as if he were trying to ease the swelling. Alex frowned and studied him for a moment. Teddy's green eyes snapped up, looking into hers, and he nodded and stood up, turning to some people huddled in the corner. Alex felt a tingle of apprehension running down her spine. She frowned and tried to scan the room full of drunken partiers.

"Jay? When's…when did you see Cause Girl last?"

Jay frowned, deep in thought. "I don't know…an hour or two maybe…" He looked around, his frown deepening as the apprehension began to spread through him. "Teddy's over there…want me to ask him?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. I'll ask around."

Jay approached Teddy. "Hey, T-Man. Seen-" His words dropped dead when Teddy jumped nervously, pulling the can away to reveal a perfect split in his upper lip.

"Jay! What's up?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah…Emma. Seen Emma?"

"Green Peace?" He shrugged. "Nah…aint' seen her since she got pissed and bit me."

"Why'd she bite you?"

"We were all hot and heavy on the dance floor…you know…she was ridin' my stick like she wanted it. We got in the bedroom and next thing I know, she's flippin' out and tellin' me to stop. She bit me and I left the little dick tease right there on the bed."

Jay nodded, not sure what to think. Why was Teddy being so detailed? Shouldn't he just say she acted into it, and that then she bit him? Something wasn't right. He turned to look for Alex, but Teddy caught his arm again.

"Oh, wait! I totally forgot. I saw her heading out the door about twenty minutes ago. Something about an ice run or something. She had some guy with her."

Jay felt a sense of relief, though something still nagged at the back of his mind. "Oh. That makes sense. OK." He stalked off in search of Alex.

Sean slept fitfully most of the night. Once more, he awoke, screaming Emma's name in fear.

Tracker shot out of the chair. "Sean! Hey, Man. You OK?"

Sean shook his head, tremors coursing through him as sweat poured down his face. "I feel sick," he whispered right before a retching sound escaped his throat.

"You gonna' puke?"

Sean didn't answer…couldn't answer…as the sound erupted from deep inside again.

"Sean!"

"Help me!" Sean whispered in pain and fear. "I think I'm dying!"

"OK, Man. It's OK. I'm going to get-"

Sean began convulsing. The sound came again and Tracker grabbed at the bedpan, but it was too late. Sean began vomiting violently, crying out for Emma between retches.

"Shit!" Tracker gasped as he ran to the door. "I need a doctor in here!" he shouted in anguish. "Somebody help!"

Jay and Alex met up again. "Any luck?" Alex asked, still staring suspiciously at Teddy, who was purposely avoiding eye contact with her by keeping his back turned.

Jay nodded, but then frowned. "Teddy says they were making out and she flipped, so he left. He said she went out for ice or something about twenty minutes ago." He shrugged. "He said she had some guy with her. Maybe she met up with something better?" he asked, though he didn't like the idea of that either.

Alex shook her head. "Bullshit."

Jay shrugged. "Maybe she's hiding in the bathroom. She seems to do that a lot now."

Alex thought about the scars on Emma's arms and alarm bells pealed in her head. "Jay…I'm gonna' keep looking. Can you check the bathroom?"

Jay nodded and strode down the hall. Alex asked two more girls.

The second girl…a brunette Alex only knew as 'L.G.' or aka 'Lyle's Girl', nodded. "She went in there a while ago. With some guy…should know his name, but I can't think of it right now. Oh, hell!" she giggled drunkenly.

"I don't care about the dude's name!" Alex shouted angrily. "Are they still in there?"

L.G. shook her head with a frown. "Now that you mention it…he's over there…" she said, pointing directly at Teddy. "Must've got lucky…came out with his fly down and grinnin' like a pig in shit."

"So…Emma-"

L.G. shrugged. "Never saw her come out." She smirked. "Musta' been a hell of a screw for her to fall asleep so soundly," she muttered, chuckling at her own joke.

Alex turned and walked over to the bedroom door, tapping lightly. She opened the door and tried to peer into the darkness. "Green Peace?" she muttered softly, so as not to startle her. "Emma?" she called out quietly.

Tracker paced nervously in the hallway outside of Sean's room. Another nurse…the fourth in ten minutes…approached with an understanding smile.

"Sir…they're doing everything they can. Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the waiting room?"

Tracker spun angrily on his booted heel. The woman cringed and took at step back at the fury burning in his eyes. "Is that your brother laying in there?" he asked, pointing at Sean's room door.

She shook her head. "No, but-"

"Then you have no idea where I'd be more comfortable! So get the fuck out of my face and keep all your busybody friends away from me too!"

The nurse scurried off just as Sean's mother was being wheeled up. Tracker saw her and sighed harshly. He didn't need this right now!

"I heard that something's wrong with Sean. Is he OK?"

"How the hell should I know?" Tracker erupted, flinging his hands in the air in frustration. "If I knew that then I wouldn't be _out _here!"

His mother sighed. "Track, Baby-"

"Don't! Just…right now I can't deal with your pity party crap. Why the hell do you care now…after all this time? Huh?"

"I've always worried!"

"No! No, you didn't! A worried parent would have kicked her sorry ass husband out of the house _years _ago! A worried parent wouldn't have let her kid sit in his shitty diapers for hours and hours until his older brother got home from school to change him…bathe him…feed him! No…you were too busy drinking it up with your husband."

"Tracker! I'm sick! You know that! Alcoholism-"

"Is a disease…I get it. But you could have tried harder. You could have put us first. But you didn't. You chose him…and the booze. We weren't even third on your list…were we?" Tracker asked, a hint of knowing in his eyes.

Mrs. Cameron's head snapped back as if she'd been slapped. The color drained from her face, and then the red crept slowly up her neck, trailing over her ears, and finally settling on her cheeks. Unspilled tears showed in her eyes. Shame was written all over her face. "You knew…about…about…"

"Your lovers? Oh, yeah. Just…thank God I got Sean out of that hell hole before he found out."

"You don't understand!"

"What's to understand? You paid off yours and dad's ever increasing bar tab by laying on your back and spreading your legs for every patron in the place!"

"Tracker…we were broke! Raising kids is expensive!"

Tracker snorted. "Yeah…like you would know that! Gee…what? They pay you in food stamps and welfare checks? And what'd you spend _that _on? Oh, yeah! Booze!"

"I…I think I should go."

"Yeah. You really should…because I was Sean's parent. You were just one of the drunks we lived with."

Alex walked deeper into the room. She frowned at Emma's figure lying on the bed. She chuckled a bit. She couldn't possibly be so worn out from being with Teddy that she'd fallen asleep naked! Alex rolled her eyes. "Wakey-wakey," she murmured softly as she flipped on the bedside lamp.

It took a full minute for the scene to begin to make sense to Alex. She frowned at Emma, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully on the bed, curled tightly into herself. There was a small piece of thin clear plastic on the floor. Her hand hung over the edge. Alex walked around to look at Emma's face…tried to shake her again. Her frown deepened. Had her black eye gotten larger? Was that even possible?

Alex tried to remember whether any of the hundreds of bruises handed out to her mother, compliments of her many boyfriends, had actually grown in size in a matter of hours. She couldn't remember, but didn't think so.

Something caught Alex's eyes, and they swept quickly over her body. "Shit!" she muttered to herself as horror began to fill her. Bite marks…more bruises…and Emma's lips and fingernails had taken on a sickly grayish color.

"Jay!" Alex shrieked in terror. "Jay!" she shouted again, running from the room.

Tracker stared at the floor as he paced. Nausea overtook him. He blamed it on the smell of the hospital…told himself it was the patterns of the off white tiles beneath his feet. But he knew, deep down, he was scared. For the first time since he'd heard about Sean wrestling Rick for that gun, Tracker was contemplating the idea of life without Sean.

Memories of Sean's childhood flashed through Tracker's mind, and it was all he could do not to break down into monstrous, earth shattering wails of anguish.

"_Hey, Tracker! I got an A on my paper today!"_

"_Good job, Buddy!"_

Sean had been eight-years-old (third grade), and had written an English paper on 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation". Tracker had been in barely twelve, just starting his seventh grade year. He'd been the one to smile and ruffle the little boy's hair. He'd been the one to display Sean's paper on the refrigerator. He'd been the one to take Sean out for a celebratory dinner of pizza and ice cream. Tracker had been the one who had put that paper, along with so many other childhood treasures, into a special keepsake box, which Tracker himself still had.

"_Hey! You'll never guess what happened at school today."_

"_Oh, yeah?"_

"_Remember that Emma girl? She started her period, and-"_

"_Dude…way more information-"_

"_Just shut up and listen. Anyway…JT and Toby were making fun of her about having on huge gym shorts, and she told everybody, right there, in this 'so what' attitude that she'd started. It was wild!"_

"_Sean…you need to get out more."_

Tracker chuckled sadly. He'd never admitted it, but he'd kind of admired her for that…even though he hadn't had any dealing with her other than the argument on Parents' Day. She wasn't ashamed of things she couldn't stop.

Sometimes Tracker missed that girl! She'd been the first person to get any kind of good reaction and grades and behavior out of Sean since he'd come to live with Tracker after leaving Wasaga.

"_Hey, Track! I've got a date tonight!"_

"_Oh, yeah? Who's the lucky chick?"_

"_Her name's Emma…and she's NOT a chick."_

"_Emma? Why does that name…oh, no!"_

"_Yep! The girl who told you off."_

"_Please tell me it was a dare…or a bet…"_

"_Cut it out! She's nice! And smart…and…and…"_

"_Oooohhh, Seany's in love!"_

"_Oh, shut up!"_

Wasn't it the dad's place to tease his son about his first date?

"Jay! Something's wrong!"

Jay shoved his way through the crowd to get to Alex. She was shaking. "What? What is it?"

Tears spilled down her cheeks. Her face was pale, and her eyes looked like giant saucers. Her throat was working, but no sound came from her lips. Jay grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look in his eyes as he gave her a small shake. "Alex! What is it?"

"I think she's dead!"

Jay rushed past her and into the room. He hurried over and checked her pulse. "She's still alive," he said. "What the hell happened?"

"I think…I think she took some…Oxy-"

"Dammit! She told me she never-"

"I think she said she had four pills…and now they're gone."

"Why the hell didn't you-"

"She said she was going to give them away! She promised!"

"Get everyone out of here now!" he shouted, covering Emma's naked body as people began milling around the open door. "Get out!" he shouted at them. "Get the fuck out of here!"

Jay gently lifted Emma in his arms and carried her into the bathroom as Alex stopped the music and threw everyone out. When they were gone, she rushed into the bathroom to find Jay lowering her into the tub. He turned on the cold water. After a moment, Emma began flailing and shrieking.

He saw the marks. "What the hell?"

Alex ignored him and climbed into the tub, turning Emma on her side and holding her while she threw up.

Tracker's mind was still flooded with memories when the doctor finally came to talk to him.

"Is he…is he OK?"

The doctor sighed and nodded. "I think so. He's…he's stabilized. I gave him something to help him sleep."

Tracker sighed in relief. All the tension drained from his body and he sagged down the wall in a heap. His forehead dropped to his knees as the doctor knelt down to talk to him.

"You say he had a nightmare before this happened?" Tracker could only nod in response. "Well…I'm not sure what that means, but I'd like to keep him a few extra days…to run some tests."

"You think his dreams might have caused this?"

The doctor shrugged. "It could just be his body's way of letting go of something that's been weighing heavily on his mind."

Tracker nodded. "He's been…stressed…sucky home life, and he's been really worried about a friend."

"That could be it. But…just to be on the safe side…I'd like to move him upstairs…"

"To the psych ward?" The doctor nodded again. "For how long?"

"At least a week."

Tracker sighed and nodded. "Whatever you think is best. But, Doc? Think you can tell him? He'll kill me."

The doctor chuckled and nodded. Tracker sighed again and stood up. "Can I see him now?" The doctor nodded again. "Thanks."

He went into Sean's room and removed the letter he'd read from Sean to Emma from his pocket. He stared at it guiltily for a moment before making a decision. He sighed and folded it back up and slid it back into his pocket as he watched Sean, caught up in a drug-induced sleep. Tracker wondered how long it had been since Sean had actually slept without nightmares.


	6. Chapter 6: Scars

Chapter 6: Scars

_lyrics by Papa Roach_

**I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
My scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel**

"Should we call an ambulance…or drive her to the hospital?" Alex asked Jay as the cold water poured over the two girls. She shivered from the chill, but refused to let go of her friend.

"No! No hospital!" Emma begged.

Jay ignored her as he shut off the water and lifted Emma back out of the tub, wrapping her back into the blanket that he'd carried her past the room full of gawkers in. She trembled hard, but she weighed almost nothing, and he had no trouble holding her as he handed Alex a towel. "She's alert now, so maybe we should just get her dressed and drive her ourselves."

"No!"

Alex's temper flared. "Shut up, Cause Girl! You're going!"

Emma's lip trembled. "Why are you mad at me?"

"You promised! You swore! You're just as big a liar as Amy!"

Emma broke into gut wrenching sobs as Jay frowned at Alex's angry, retreating back. "Shhh…it's OK, Emma. She's just…she doesn't like being scared. You scared the shit out of her. She'll calm down. Come on. Let's get you dressed."

"Please…don't make me go!" she whispered. "They'll send me back! I can't go back!"

"_Shut her up!"_

"Go back where?"

_"Hold her legs!"_

"Please? Don't make me go!"

Sean glared angrily between Tracker and the doctor. "Track put you up to this, right?" he asked, his voice hoarse from vomiting a few hours before.

The doctor shook his head. "No…it was my idea. But your brother agrees-"

"You can't make me go! He's not my dad, and he has no right-"

"Actually, I do, Sean. Our folks gave me guardianship of you."

"Yeah, but that was when I lived with you."

Tracker nodded. "True…but they never took back their rights. And I didn't argue." He shrugged. "I figured they'd screw up again. I was right."

"I can't go! I'm…they'll try to make me forget!"

"Forget what?"

"I don't want to forget! Not one single second!"

**Drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
I'm pissed cause you came around  
Why don't you just go home  
Cause you channel all your pain  
And I can't help to fix myself  
Your making me insane  
All I can say is**

Alex paced angrily…literally mad as a wet hen…dripping wet…as Jay helped Emma put on a clean sweat suit. When she finally looked over, her frown grew. "Those are my sweats," she grumbled.

Jay rolled his eyes. "Does it really matter?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. It does. She's a liar, and I don't want her wearing my clothes anymore!"

Emma crumbled to the bed, tucking her knees to her chest. She knew she was losing Alex…the one real female friend she'd had since Manny had turned her back on her. Jay watched her for a moment before turning furious eyes on Alex. "Would you shut the hell up and at least _try _to pretend to have a fucking heart?" he shouted at her.

Alex's eyes never wavered from his. "Jay…just cause we fuck now and then…that doesn't mean you get to act like my boyfriend anymore! You lost that right when you let all those sluts suck you off!"

Emma's sobs burst forth again as more guilt filled her. Jay looked back down at Emma then turned back to Alex. "Would you fucking look at her?"

"No! I don't think so. I'm not going to take pity on a drunken, drug head liar!"

Jay strode angrily to her and grabbed her arm, pulling the brunette from the room. "Listen!" he growled through gritted teeth. "I think Teddy raped her…and maybe did other things. I saw…I saw blood…and I just…I want to make sure…" he sighed and ran his hands angrily through his hair. "I heard rumors a while back that he's got AIDS. Maybe she heard them too. And maybe she freaked and downed the pills."

The situation began to sink in once again and Alex's face registered horror. "Holy-"

Jay nodded and sighed. "The longer we wait…I just think we should get the facts later. So, please? OK? I'm actually fucking begging! Can we just get her to the hospital? You can be pissed later."

Alex nodded, finally feeling the emotion Jay had been looking for. She strode into the room and lay next to Emma…face to face. "Emmy?"

Emma's lip curled into a half smile at the strange nickname. "Please? Don't make me go?" she pled quietly as Alex stroked her hair. A tear trickled along the outer rim of Emma's eye socket and hung there for a moment before splashing onto the bed beneath her.

"Did he…did Teddy rape you?" she asked quietly.

Emma nodded and fell against Alex, who held her tightly while she sobbed. Alex sighed sadly and kissed the top of her head. "We need to go to the hospital then."

"No! They'll make me go away! I…I need you, Lexi!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Emma. And we'll figure out a way to make them let you stay. Just…it's really important you get checked out. He might…you might be pregnant…or he might have something."

Emma nodded and let out a pained wail as Alex tried to comfort her. "He…he hit me. I begged him to stop, but he hit me! When I woke up…I hurt! It hurts so bad!"

Tracker frowned at Sean. "What don't you want to forget?"

"Nothing. Just…nothing. Forget it."

"Forget it? Are you kidding? You just drop that in my lap and expect me to ignore it?"

Sean shrugged. "Why not? I've been saying it to our folks for months…and they ignore me."

Tracker sighed. "Yeah. I get it. Our folks suck. But you gotta' realize that I'm not them. I actually care. And I'm not letting it go."

Sean frowned, trying to fight back tears. As usual, it didn't work. A solitary tear trickled down his cheek. "I can't forget her, Track. They'll dope me up, and I'll forget."

Tracker shook his head. "Sean, you won't. As deep as she is in your heart…you won't."

Sean shook his head and sighed. "I have to remember…it's my fault…he's dead…and I'm here…because of me."

"You didn't bring that damned gun to school, Sean!"

The younger Cameron shook his head sadly. "No…I didn't. But if I wouldn't have broken up with her…he'd have realized she was too good for him. Hell, she was to good for me, but I had her!" His head dropped sadly to his pillow as he stared at the ceiling. "I had her and I threw her out like a used tissue or something."

Tracker put his hand on Sean's shoulder. "Little Bro…you didn't know this was going to happen. You didn't even _know _Rick back then."

"I just…I shouldn't have dumped her…and I should've stayed back there."

"Hindsight's twenty-twenty, Little Bro."

**I tried to help you once  
A kiss will only vise  
I saw you going down  
But you never realized  
That your drowning in the water  
So I offered you my hand  
Compassions in my nature  
Tonight is our last dance**

"OK, Miss Nelson. I'm going to ask you some pretty personal questions. Are you sure you want your friends in here?"

Emma nodded as Alex squeezed her hand.

The doctor nodded back and she began. "Did you know your attacker?"

Emma nodded. "N-not…not real well. We…we used to hang out at parties…and dance and stuff. Sometimes make out, but…but not…"

The doctor nodded again. "OK…here's where we need to get personal. Did he…use anything other than his penis?"

Emma shrugged and Alex elaborated. "She said he hit her and knocked her unconscious."

"Oh. So…you don't know if he used a condom?"

Emma burst into tears again and Alex paled. Jay swallowed hard and walked out of the room. As soon as Emma was settled in, Jay was going to hunt Teddy down…and if that little shit was lucky, he'd end up in the morgue! Jay took a breath, trying to steady himself, but the nausea hit him and he ran in search of a bathroom, trying to hold the bile back until he found the toilet. Tears burned in his eyes, and he thought angrily that Teddy would get it twice as bad for making him cry. Son of a bitch!

How was he ever going to look Emma in the face, knowing he had failed her, and not think about what kind of horror she'd gone through? Oh, yeah…Teddy was a double-dead man!

Sean sat silently in the wheelchair as Tracker spoke quietly with the doctor. Something wasn't right…and it wasn't just him. He knew it. He could feel it deep inside.

'It can't all just be in my head! Something's wrong with her!' he thought in fear.

Tracker nodded at the doctor and turned back to Sean. "OK, Little Bro. I'm going upstairs with you to get you registered."

Sean sighed and rolled his eyes. "Maybe I should just go back to Toronto. Maybe it would help."

Tracker nodded. "Maybe…but you need to heal up first." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, trying to find a way to explain what he wanted to say. "You can't go back right now. You can't move your legs and…hell, Sean! At least they're transferring you tonight. OK? At least I got the doc to let you go now instead of waiting until you're released from this part. That should make the stay shorter."

Sean snorted. "Don't you mean it'll be shorter as long as I'm not tagged 'crazy'? Track…you're not blind. You're not stupid. I'm never gonna' get out of this."

Tracker grabbed Sean's shoulder roughly, forcing him to look into the older Cameron's eyes. "You're not crazy…and you'll be outta' there come hell or high water. Even if I have to sign you out and take you home with me!"

Sean's lip trembled sadly. "You…I never told her I loved her. Not once…ever. I said it to Ellie a hundred times…and maybe I loved Ellie, but…but never like I loved Emma."

Tracker rolled his eyes. "I don't know much about you and Ellie. But Emma? You never had to say it to each other. Hell, you two made me jealous!" he chuckled as a smirk played on his lips. "How in the hell could my little brother find someone who was perfect for him…and I hadn't even found someone I wanted more than a week?" He patted Sean's shoulder and stood up as the doctor approached. "Sean…you two never had to say it. It was the little things you did. You showed each other. Like that time you signed that stupid petition."

Sean smiled sadly as the memories flooded in. "Which time?" he asked, even though he knew. "I signed every damned one…even the ones I didn't understand or the ones I didn't agree with!"

Tracker laughed. "Yeah, I know. Like the tampon dispenser one. Why the hell should _you _have cared whether the girls' bathroom had one of those things!"

Sean smirked, feeling a bit better. "Hey! Have _you _ever heard twenty girls bitching about wearing a diaper all at once?"

Tracker frowned, but chuckled and rolled his eyes. "OK…enough of the gross stuff. I'll never look at a chick the same again. Thanks. You've scarred me for life!"

**I'm drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
You shouldn't ever came around  
Why don't you just go home? **

"Miss Nelson? Are you completely sure that you want to press charges?" the officer asked.

Emma sighed and shook her head. "No…" She looked into Alex's eyes. She sighed again and nodded to her friend. "No, but…I…I have to, right? It's…I'll never…if I don't do this and he does it to someone else…I could never live with myself. So…yeah. I'm pressing charges."

The officer nodded, an understanding smile spreading across his lips. "Good. Too many girls are ashamed of what happened. They blame themselves."

Emma nodded. "I didn't say it wasn't partly my fault. I'm just…I said 'no', you know?" she mumbled sadly as she stared blankly out the window beside her. "I just know that if it were my friend going through this…I'd try to tell her it wasn't her fault." Emma sighed. "It's easy to say…but it doesn't make me feel better."

Emma instinctively tensed when the officer's hand cupped her shoulder. "Miss Nelson? Emma? I think…what you're doing is brave. It takes a lot of guts. And it wasn't your fault."

Emma swallowed hard. "I let him take me to the bedroom," she whispered softly. "I let him kiss me…and touch me."

Alex sighed. "Emma…you asked him to stop. You tried to make him stop and he hit you. He did it anyway. It wasn't your fault."

"Can I…I want to go home now."

The doctor sighed. "Miss Nelson…we haven't discussed the…the OxyCodone we found in your system."

She shrugged, but Alex could feel her hand tense sharply in hers. "What about it?" she asked.

The doctor sighed again. "Your records indicate that this is your second suicide attempt in-"

"No! I didn't try to…I…OK, so I took one. I know it was wrong, but…but…I swear, I just wanted one to help me sleep. I…the pain was so bad!" Emma sniffled. Her voice rose in panic. "I didn't…he held me down and made me take the others! I swear!"

Alex frowned in confusion. "Emma, you said that he left you-"

"He…he came back and…he said…he thought if he made me take them…I'd forget."

Alex studied her for a moment while the officer frowned at his note pad. "You never mentioned-"

"I was just raped! How can you expect me to remember something that seemed so trivial to me at the time?" she shrieked. "I know it might not make sense to you, but-"

The officer nodded. "It's OK…we…I understand."

The doctor frowned. "Well…you seem OK, but…I think you should stay overnight."

"But-"

"No buts, Sprout. Alex and I will be right here with you."

"What about her parents?" the doctor asked. "Has anyone called-"

"My mom…doesn't exactly…she doesn't exactly want me around anymore," Emma mumbled.

Sean sighed and punched the pillow as he tried to get comfortable. He lay back and stared at the ceiling, ignoring the girl in the bed next to his. She had the TV blaring…some old western…but didn't seem to even be watching. She just seemed too interested in the new roommate.

"I'm Shanna. I'm sixteen. What's your name?"

He sighed. "Sean."

"Oh. Sean…Sean…Sean and Shanna." The girl giggled. "Sean and Shanna, sittin' in a tree!" she sung to herself, making Sean cringe.

"Ha ha…cute," he muttered sarcastically. Someone ran by the open door, making Sean jump as he wailed loudly.

"Whoop-whoop!"

Shanna giggled as the dark haired boy ran past the door. Several feet padded along quickly after him. "That's Charlie…but we call him Whoopy."

Sean rolled his eyes and lay back down. "Gee…_that's _original!"

Shanna giggled and Sean cringed. Didn't she ever do _anything _but giggle? "So…Sean…med time is coming up."

Sean sighed. "Well, lucky you! Me, on the other hand…I aint' taking shit!"

The girl ripped open the curtain separating them. "Who says anything about taking them?" she asked with a smirk.

Sean turned to her with a frown. He jaw dropped, but he snapped it closed quickly, ignoring the resemblance. The girl was tall and lanky. Her face was thin with nothing more than a dab of lip-gloss. Her brown eyes were similar…Sean's favorite color…and reminded him of Hershey's Kisses. He swallowed hard as his eyes fell on her hair. That's where the resemblance ended. This girl's hair was a washed out henna red with black streaks through out. It had obviously been a while since she'd dyed it because four inches of strawberry blonde regrowth hung limply from her scalp.

"Hmmm?" she asked again with a grin as she plopped down next to him on his bed. "Scoot over…I got a secret to share," she murmured softly.

Sean frowned. "Can't. My legs are fucked up."

"Oh! Well…that's OK. Here," she said, pushing him over with her hip and giggling.

Sean looked over at the girl, scowling. "Shanna, is it?" he asked. She grinned and nodded. "How in the hell did I get stuck with a chick as my roommate? Aren't they afraid all us crazies are gonna' fornicate…and make crazy babies?"

Her smile froze on her face then fell. Her face took on a look of silent contemplation for a full minute before her eyes lit up and she grinned. Sean was shocked. This grin was real.

"You're funny," she mumbled softly. She frowned as she studied him. "You're not like the others. It's like you don't belong here."

Sean shrugged. "Yeah, well one failed suicide attempt says different."

Shanna shook her head. "Nope. You're just sad." She sighed and lay her head on his shoulder. "It's OK to be sad."

He sighed and shrugged her off. "You didn't answer my question. You're a chick."

She nodded and rolled her eyes. "I got…ummm…" she blushed and sighed. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I got caught experimenting…you know? I mean…my friend and I were just…we kissed…and my mom caught us. So she flipped and smacked me around for a while. Then she sent me here to try to 'fix' me."

"Ohhhh…" Sean muttered, drawing the word out while he tried to think of something to say.

She nodded as her eyes filled with tears. "You know what's stupid? Even my own boyfriend hates me. I thought guys dug that shit."

**Cause your drowning in the water  
And I tried to grab your hand  
And I left my heart open  
But you didn't understand  
But you didn't understand  
You fix yourself **

Emma woke with a startled yelp. "Sean!" she cried out. She felt a weight press onto the bed next to her.

"Shhh…it's OK."

"Jay?" Emma whispered. "Where…where am I? What's going on?"

"You're in the hospital. Teddy-"

"Oh," she mumbled sadly. "I…I guess I thought it was all a bad dream."

Jay sighed and hugged her. "I was just thinking the same thing myself."

"Are they…will they make me leave Alex's?" she whispered in fear. Her body began shaking and Jay hugged her tighter.

"Nah…they said you could go home later today. OK?"

Emma nodded and buried her head in Jay's chest. He sighed and pulled his feet up on the bed to lie fully next to her. "You'll be OK, Kid. Me and Alex? We're gonna' help you through this."

Emma's lip trembled. "Why?" she whispered sadly.

Jay shrugged. "I guess…I mean," he sighed sadly. "Emma…did Alex ever tell you…about me?"

Emma shook her head. He swallowed hard. "My mom…when I was like ten…she threw my dad out. One day…he…he came back and I was there…and he…ummm…he raped her right there. I saw it, but I was too…he always scared me." He sighed. "He knew I was there. He laughed the whole time, knowing I was too scared to turn away."

"Oh, Jay!"

He shook his head. "Don't. I don't deserve pity. I should have helped Mom."

"You were ten!"

Jay shrugged. "And I knew where she kept the gun." He sighed and kissed her forehead softly. "I just…I promised myself that I'd never just stand by again."

"That's why you wanted Rick gone so bad, isn't it?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. Or it could be just because I'm an asshole," he mumbled with a smirk, trying to get her to smile. She gave him a small smile and he smiled back. "Well? It's true, isn't it? Tell me you and your friends didn't sit around and bad mouth me…maybe call me even worse?"

Emma chuckled. "Yeah…Lexi _can _get pretty pissed at you sometimes!"

Jay laughed and pulled her against him again. After a while, she snuggled deeper into his chest and fell asleep. He soon drifted off, and that was how Alex found them.

"So…they put you in with us guys cause they think you're a lesbian?" Sean chuckled.

Shanna smiled and nodded. "Pretty fucked up, aint' it?" He nodded and she grinned again. "So…we're the only two sane people _in _this shit hole."

"Oh, come on! I think Whoopy is pretty normal."

Shanna let out a peal of laughter that made Sean smile. When she quieted, she studied him intently for a moment. "So, I told you my story. What's yours?"

Sean sighed. Could he tell a complete stranger his darkest secret?

"And don't think about lying, cause I'll know. This place has made me pretty good at reading people."

Sean opted for changing the subject in hopes of distracting her. "What's with the westerns?"

She smirked and shrugged. "Adds to my whole wacko thing. See…I'm supposedly this depressed lesbian goth chick. When ol' Doc Meadows comes in, the westerns throw her off. She thinks I have to be crazy." She shrugged again. "Little trick I learned from my last roommate, Jake. He was like us. He didn't belong here, but his folks didn't give a shit. He wrote a poem for school and the school thought he wanted to kill himself, so they called his folks. They shipped him here."

"What happened to him? I mean…did he get released?"

Shanna nodded. Her lip trembled and tears filled her eyes. "Ohhh…he checked out all right. The hard way."

"I thought you said he wasn't-"

"He wasn't. Not until his dad came in and called him a weak shit or something. It killed him…literally."

"Oh."

Shanna nodded. "So…stop avoiding the topic. Why are you here?"

**I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life  
I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life **

Alex unlocked the door and Jay helped a limping Emma inside. "How you feeling, Sprout? Tired?"

Emma nodded. The pain in her hip was bad and it had taken more strength than she'd thought to negotiate the steps.

"You should have let Jay carry you!" Alex clucked like a mother hen. "You're not doing yourself any favors by overworking that dislocated hip."

Emma smiled and hugged Alex. "Stop worrying about me, OK? I'll be fine. I'm just going to go lay down for a bit."

Alex cringed. "Give me a minute. I never got a chance to change the sheets. They're…uhhh…messed up."

Emma paled and nodded. "OK," she whispered as the color of shame rose in her cheeks. Alex hurried out and Emma yelped in pain as she tried to sit on the couch. Jay caught her and lifted her up, laying her on the couch.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"Hey! I'm not an asshole all the time," he joked.

Emma caught his hand as he started for the bedroom. "Please don't leave me," she whispered softly, pulling him next to her. He smiled and sat down, rubbing her back lightly.

"OK. I won't go anywhere."

"I miss her," Sean mumbled sadly, opting to only tell her a bit of what had happened. "I fucked up and dumped her. But she…she moved on, and I started dating someone. She moved in, but…well, I just had to come back to Wasaga. Nothing special. Just boy meets girl…and boy fucks it all up.

Shanna shrugged. "You'll be together again."

Sean chuckled. "Oh, and I suppose you're psychic."

Shanna frowned and shook her head "No…just a hopeless romantic. You told me you did all this stuff that hurt her, and she kept taking you back. But you know what? The stuff you did to her wasn't that bad. OK…so pushing her down in some leaves wasn't the best way to say 'I love you', but that was grade seven, right?" He nodded. "And most of the stuff after that…drinking…hanging out with losers…that was more self sabotage than intent to hurt her. She probably sees that. Or she will. It's kismet."

Sean laughed and shook his head. "You're weird."

Shanna smiled at him and nodded. "I like you, Sean. You're gonna' be OK." She smiled for a moment before dropping her lips over his. She kissed him softly, her tongue slipping into his mouth. He pulled back in surprise and looked into her eyes. He saw the pain in them, and wondered if Emma's eyes would reflect the same hurt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she started to get up. He caught her wrist and pulled her back to him. His hand cupped her cheek as his tongue separated her lips gently and slipped inside.


	7. Chapter 7: Losing My Grip

Chapter 7: Losing My Grip

_(Takes place one month later)_

"Why, Emma Nelson! I think you have completely lost your mind!" Alex laughed as Emma came out of the bathroom. Her now henna red hair was still wet.

Emma laughed and kissed Alex's cheek. "Can't a girl make a change?"

Alex nodded. "Jay's gonna' flip. You know that, right?"

Emma frowned. "Why would he care?"

Alex gaped at her for a moment. Her mouth snapped shut, forming a frown. "I thought you two were a thing now."

Emma's frown deepened. "What would make you think that?" she asked as she flopped onto the couch and lit a cigarette. She handed it to Alex and lit another for herself. Alex sat next to her.

"Gee…you spend every moment that you're not here with him…"

Emma rolled her eyes and laughed. "Lexi, Jay's not an option." She shrugged. "For once in my life…I don't think I could…" her eyes dropped to her cigarette. She stared at her chipped purple nail polish and sighed before looking up at Alex again. "For once, the urge for male…errr…companionship is gone."

Alex sighed and pushed a piece of henna colored hair behind the other girl's ear. "Emma…just give it time, OK?"

Emma shrugged. "Hey, Lex? When did you…when did you think you might…you know…like girls?"

Alex frowned, deep in thought. Emma studied the small crease in Alex's brow. She always got that crease when she was seriously thinking. "I don't know," she finally muttered. "I don't think it was ever like, a big realization or anything. Why?"

Emma dropped her gaze back to her fingernails. "No reason. I just…I get the gay thing. I get the straight thing. I just…I'm not real clear on the whole bisexual thing."

Alex laughed and flicked her cigarette into the ashtray before taking another hit. "Hon…that makes two of us. I just know that a chick sort of gets what another chick likes, but…" she grinned. "God! Sometimes being with a guy is just…I can't even explain it. It's sort of like candy. I just have to have a chocolate bar."

Emma laughed and threw a pillow at her friend. "I'll bet Jay would love to be compared to a Snicker's bar!"

Alex shrugged. "Why wouldn't he? Sweet and satisfying?"

Sean was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling when Shanna plopped next to him. He looked at her and smiled. "Hey. What's up?"

"Not much. Wanna' go for a walk?"

Sean chuckled. Since he and Shanna were considered low risk patients, meaning they'd both passed a battery of tests that said they weren't a threat to themselves or others, they were now allowed to walk around the yard. They had been taking at least one walk a day for the last two weeks, and Sean secretly relished them. They would walk around and he'd listen as she pointed out birds, naming each one. Sometimes they'd stroll along the edge of a small wooded area and her whole face would light up. She'd gasp happily as a stray chipmunk or squirrel would flit through the woods and scurry up a tree. She'd kneel down and happily smell the flowers.

Shanna was a lot like Emma. She was so smart and sensitive, but she had this tough edge about her that only Sean could break through. But mostly, Sean knew that Emma, as well as Shanna, could break down his walls and make him feel like he was under a microscope. If Emma were still a part of his life, that aspect of Shanna would annoy him, but Emma wasn't…and Shanna sort of made up for that. Not completely, but as much as possible.

He smiled at Shanna. "Get you skinny ass off my leg, and let's go for a walk."

Shanna squealed happily and jumped up clapping, making Sean laugh. He rolled his eyes. "Geez! Don't piss yourself," he teased. "It's just a walk!"

"Maybe to you…but to me, it's a walk with my most favoritist person in the world!"

Sean laughed again at her use of the word 'favoritist' and stood up next to her. "Let's go sign out."

Shanna nodded and they walked to the nurse's station. As they walked out the front door, Shanna grinned and whispered. "I've got a surprise for you."

"Oh, yeah? Shanny…are you stealing pudding from the caf again? I told you…that shit's gonna' make me fat!"

"Oh, please!" she laughed and rolled her eyes. "You know you're hot, so quit playin'. Besides…that's not my surprise. And I'm not telling, so just shut up and come on." She sprinted across the yard towards the wooded area.

Sean laughed and chased Shanna. For the first time since he'd left Toronto, he'd found a reason to laugh.

Sean's legs faltered a bit as a thought occurred to him. Did he love Shanna? He pushed the thought aside as he caught up to the thin girl and caught her by wrapping his arms around her small waist. "Slow down, Girl!" he panted, trying to catch his breath from sprinting. "You forget…I couldn't walk for nearly a week."

Shanna laughed and shook free from his embrace. She took his hand. "Shut up and come on. We don't have all day! You know that old bat Batey will come looking for us if we're gone longer than an hour."

Sean nodded and let her drag him to the edge of the woods. "I found something in here the other day…"

"Were you strolling around with another guy behind my back?" he teased.

Shanna turned to him once they were out of sight and frowned. "No. Why would you think that?"

Sean rolled his eyes. "I was teasing."

She nodded. "Good." She turned back to him and pushed him against a tree. Her mouth found his and he pulled her closer. She moaned softly against his lips, running her fingers underneath his shirt, caressing the lines of each muscle. He trembled.

"So…this is your surprise? A kiss?"

She smiled and shook her head as she pulled his shirt over his head. Soon, her lips found his again and she began placing tiny kisses along his jaw, down his neck…and slowly worked her way down to his waist.

"Shanny!" Sean whispered in startled surprise as she slid his sweats down his legs.

"Emma…why are you asking all this stuff?" Alex asked Emma with a frown. "This is worse than twenty questions!"

Emma shrugged. "I don't know. Just making conversation, I guess."

Alex laughed. "Well…don't. You're not gay…and I doubt you're bi…so I wouldn't worry too much about it."

"I'm not worried," Emma protested.

"Well…then what exactly are you?"

Emma shrugged and went to the bookshelf. She frowned. "Lexi! Where's Shakespeare?"

Alex shrugged and stood up. "Chill. I put 'him' in the other room when I knew the cops were coming. It just seemed out of place amid the stack your nature magazines, Jay's car manuals, and my junk. I figured if it was on the desk, they'd think we were studying.

Emma frowned, trying to count back. "Has it really been _that _long since we partook?"

Alex laughed. "Nope. Remember two weeks ago, Jay brought some of his."

"Oh! Oh, yeah. So…got any plans today?"

Alex laughed. "I sure do. I plan on reading some Shakespeare."

Emma grinned and went to grab the book. "That's my girl!"

Sean's knees began to weaken. He plunged his hands deeply into Shanna's hair. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the tree moaning softly.

Shanna chuckled softly, making Sean gasp at the sensation. His hands tightened in her hair and she moaned as she began moving her head faster.

"Shanny!" Sean whispered as if in pain. His hands slid to her shoulders and he pulled her up to him. "What do you…I mean…" He sighed sadly and sat down on the soft grass, ignoring his nudity. He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't know if I'm…if I'll ever be able to move past her."

Shanna nodded as she sat next to him. "I miss Jake…"

Sean frowned. "Jake? Isn't he your old roommate?"

Shanna blushed and nodded. "Yeah. We…ummm…we sort of…" She sighed. "We were both sort of…hurting and lonely. We hooked up." She shrugged. "We made each other happy."

"So…I'm sort of like Jake to you?"

Shanna sighed sadly. "No! I…maybe," she admitted. "But…you once said that I remind you of Emma. Why…why can't we be what the other needs? Is that so…is it wrong?"

Sean shrugged. "Probably." He watched her face fall. He sighed sadly and lifted her chin. "Don't cry," he whispered as his lips met hers. His hand drifted down her body and she trembled and moaned softly against his lips. Soon, they were falling back on the soft grass together as Sean's hand gently slid slowly up her shirt and cupped her breast, making her gasp.

"OK, Lexi. Truth or dare?" Emma murmured as she took another sip of her can of beer. She burped softly and both girls laughed.

"Ummm…truth."

Emma thought for a moment. "Who was the best sex you ever had?" Emma asked bluntly.

"Hmmm…Jay, obviously." She shrugged and rolled her eyes. "That's too obvious. Hell, look at the shit he put me through…and I keep going back for more."

Emma frowned. "Sort of like me and Sean…without the sex, though. Bobviously."

Alex snorted with laughter as her head fell back on the couch. "You said 'bobviously'.

"Did I?" Emma laughed when Alex nodded.

"OK…your turn. Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Emma said with a nod.

"OK…same question."

Emma opened her mouth to speak then snapped it closed with a frown. She did it again then asked Alex. "What question?" making Alex squeal with laughter.

"Stop! I'm gonna' piss myself!"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Gross! Ew! No…seriously. I forgot the question."

"Best sex…who?"

Emma frowned. "Ummm…hasn't been that great, really. Any of it."

Alex paled a bit. "Sorry."

Emma shrugged and smiled. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Who do you think is the hottest guy…and hottest girl…at Degrassi? You know, since you like both and all."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Have you seen the guys at Degrassi? Hell…Jay and Sean were the best, but…they're gone, so…" she frowned, deep in thought. "Brooks. I'd say Jimmy Brooks. What about you?"

"Jimmy's cute, but so is Craig, I guess. Now…hottest girl."

Alex smirked. "Me!"

Emma rolled her eyes and laughed. "Cheater!"

Alex sighed. "I don't know…you…and maybe Paige…Manny would be cute, but she's a bitch."

Emma's laughter rose to a howl. Suddenly, she stopped and frowned. "Did you just say you thought I was hot?"

Alex playfully shoved Emma. "Don't let it go to your head, Cause Girl! It's not like there's a lot of choices there!"

Emma shoved her back. "Gee…aren't _we _picky!"

Alex nodded. "Damn straight! OK…truth or dare."

"Let's make it interesting. Dare."

"OK…I dare you to…" Alex went and grabbed the phone and phone book. She opened it to the yellow pages and smirked at Emma. "OK…I'll dial the number and you say…" she leaned over to whisper in Emma's ear. Emma laughed and nodded. Alex dialed a number.

Emma waited for the person to answer. When they did, she smirked. "Hi. You don't know me…but I know you, and I think you're really hot. I want to come to your house and screw you until-"

"_Emma Nelson?"_

Emma paled. She looked at Alex in horror. "Tracker!" Alex's jaw dropped in shock as Emma hung up the phone, her cheeks flaming in embarrassment. "Shit!" she mumbled softly.

"Oh, hell, Emma! I didn't realize that Tracker worked at that place!" Her face crumbled, and she burst into laughter. She tried to breathe deeply to hold it back, but it came out in snorts and snickers. "I…I for…forgot…never thought…you know…Tracker's in Al…Alberta."

Emma suddenly burst into hysterics. "Your turn! Truth or dare?"

"What the hell? You had the balls to take one. Dare."

"I dare you to call Manny and try to get her all hot and bothered."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Too easy! Manny, that is. You know…easy sleazy…"

Emma smirked. "Nice and easy!" She chuckled. "Now…do it." She handed Alex the phone.

"Manny? Manny Santos?"

"_Yeah?"_

"What are you wearing?"

"_Who is this?"_

Alex smirked at Emma. "I'll ask the questions."

_Manny sighed. "Fine. I'll play along. I'm wearing my red halter top with my black leather mini."_

Alex smiled. She made a moaning sound. "Sounds sexy. Have you ever let your boyfriend push that little skirt up and run his tongue up and down…"Alex continued murmuring softly. Her grin widened, obviously getting a kick out of Manny's reaction. Her voice dropped to a seductive whisper. "I could have you moaning and writhing…"

When Alex hung up, she burst into laughter. "That little skank was diddling herself when I hung up!" She frowned at Emma. "What?"

Emma leaned forward and began kissing Alex. "I want that…what you said to Manny…" she whispered. She kissed Alex deeper, moaning as Alex slipped her tongue into Emma's mouth and pulled her back over her as she lay back on the floor.

Sean lay back on the soft earth, clinging to Shanna's naked hips as she moved over him. She whispered his name over and over and Sean relished in her soft voice. She leaned forward, kissing him softly as she began slowing her movements.

"Oh…" she whimpered as his lips found a small breast and he lifted himself against her pelvis. "Don't…Sean…don't stop!"

Sean groaned and rolled her underneath his body. Her whimpering grew louder as his pace quickened and he covered his lips roughly with hers as she cried out and wrapped her legs around him and arched herself. Her nails dug into his back and her body began to tense. She pulled him tightly to her, forcing him to stop.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, frowning as he tried to catch his breath.

"I'm…I want this to last," she whispered as her body began to slowly relax. Soon, she was moving beneath him again and he smiled softly, pressing himself into her as she whimpered his name again and again.

After a few minutes, her body began to tense again. He groaned as her pace quickened and her cries begged him not to stop. He began moving with her and his lips found hers as his thumb found its target and began moving in rough circles. Their cries were stifled by the others' mouths as they fell over the edge.

Emma's fingers were tangled in Alex's hair as the brunette kissed the other girl's belly button. She chuckled softly as Emma gasped. Her lips moved lower and Emma cried out.

Alex moved back over Emma, looking her in the eye as her finger moved to the spot where her tongue had recently vacated. "Are you…are you sure you want this?" Alex whispered softly.

Emma pulled the other girl's face to hers and kissed her roughly. Alex took that as a 'yes' and began placing small, wet kisses along Emma's jaw and working her way down.

Emma was soon writhing under Alex and moaning softly as her hips rocked softly to Alex's searching lips. Soon, Emma was lost. Alex replaced her mouth with her finger once again and knelt over Emma, kissing her softly. She watched Emma's reaction, smiling as Emma cried out.

When it was over, they lay next to each other and stared at the ceiling. "Alex?"

"Hmmm?"

"Uhhh…that was…uhhh…"

Alex laughed and hugged her. "Told you that you weren't gay or bi."

Emma frowned. "How'd you…know?"

Alex shrugged and sat up, searching for her clothes. "You…when you orgasmed…you sort of…" Alex sighed and chuckled. "You called out for Sean."

Emma frowned as her cheeks reddened. She swallowed back tears and shook her head in confusion. "But…I love you…"

Alex laughed and tossed Emma's shirt at her playfully. "Yeah. As a friend. Which is cool because that whole live-in lover thing is way overrated…not to mention weird." She stood up and laughed. "It's cool, Emma. Don't worry. It's not like I'm going to freak and kick you out just because of this. I was just trying to prove my point is all."

Emma sighed and nodded as she dressed. She stood up and hugged her friend. "Thanks."

Alex laughed, but frowned in confusion. "For what?"

"You know…not getting freaked by my weirdness lately."

Alex laughed. "Geez, Green Peace! You act like no teenage girl has ever wondered before! Now…are you ordering the pizza or am I?"

Emma smiled. "How about I order…and we make Jay pick it up?"

Alex laughed. "Sounds like a plan!" She tossed her arm casually over Emma's shoulders as they headed into the kitchen. "See? You're learning. You make the man do all the grunt work!"

They laughed and Alex grabbed a couple of cans of beer out of the fridge while Emma ordered pizza.

Sean fell over Shanna and she stroked the nape of his neck softly. "That was…wow!" she whispered with a chuckle as his lips found her neck.

"Mmmm…" was all he could manage.

He felt her arm move as she lifted her arm to glance at her watch. "Oh, no!" she gasped, pushing at Sean.

"What?" he asked as he leaned on his elbow to look in her face.

"We have like…two minutes to get dressed and presentable before the old bat comes looking for us!"

They rushed to get dressed and Shanna was giggling. "Shit!" she muttered nervously. "I can't find my bra!"

"Were you wearing one?" Sean asked absently as he slid his sweats quickly over his legs.

"Of course I was! I'm not Manny, for crying out loud!"

Sean laughed and shook his head as he began sifting through the leaves for Shanna's bra. He'd nearly forgotten about telling Shanna about his secret distaste for the new and improved Manny Santos. "Calm down. Just put your shirt on just in case she finds us.

"Oh, pickle shits!" she grumbled as she put on her shirt just as Sean found her bra.

He started to hand it to her when they heard footsteps crackling the dry leaves. He shoved the bra in his pocket and knelt down, giving Shanna a look to let her know she should do the same. "What kind of bird did you say that is?" he asked, loudly enough that he could be heard without being too obvious.

"Oh! Ummm…" she stammered, trying to catch sight of a bird to name. "Just a Ruby crested wood pecker. It's weird, though. I thought…I thought they were indigenous to North America."

"Mr. Cameron? Miss Tifton? Why are you so far back in the woods?" Ms. Batey asked suspiciously.

Sean stood up, trying not to be intimidated by the woman's formidable six foot, two hundred eighty six pound frame. He looked up at her and shrugged nonchalantly. "Bird watching."

"And you can't do that from out there?" she asked, hooking her thumb in the direction of the edge of the wooded area.

He shrugged again. "Not really. Not if we want to see the cool birds."

The nurse sighed and rolled her eyes. "You two and your damned wild life!" she grumbled, turning back the way she came. Sean and Shanna shared a secret smirk that held relief. "Well, Mr. Cameron, you've wasted about ten minutes of your brother's time-"

"What? Track's here?"

The nurse nodded. "Yes. I looked high and low for you, but-"

Sean dashed past the nurse, calling over his shoulder. "Sorry, Shanny, but I really need to go. He came all the way from Alberta to visit me."

"That's cool!" she called back.

When Sean was out of sight, the nurse spun angrily on Shanna, startling the small girl. "I know what your game is, young lady. And as soon as I catch you at it…your sorry little behind is going home!"

Shanna swallowed hard as fear filled her at the thought of going home to her mother…and her mother's boyfriend. "I don't know…" she whispered nervously. She cleared her throat to speak more clearly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The nurse smirked and shrugged. "I've seen kids like you come in here and play crazy just to get away from their responsibilities. Well…I'll catch you. And when I do…"

Shanna rushed past the nurse, dropping her head to hide her tears. "You don't know me! You don't know shit about me you fat, ugly, gargantuan bitch!" she shouted as she ran as hard as she could.

She ran into the hospital and quickly signed herself back in. On her way back to her room, she was staring so hard at the floor, she didn't see him until she'd ran straight into him.

"Woah! You OK, Miss?" the tall, lanky man with bleached hair asked.

Shanna looked up into his face and smiled as nicely as she could muster. Her eyes locked onto his bleached goatee, trying to pick something to focus on. "Sure. Never better. And you?"

He chuckled. "I'm good."

She suddenly giggled nervously. "I've never seen you here before. Are you new? I'm Shanna, by the way."

The man smiled. "Tracker. I'm just visiting."

Her smile faded as her eyes swept over his body, making him frown. "Oh…too bad. We could've had some fun," she murmured softly.

Tracker frowned. "What are you? Like fourteen?"

She shook her head. "No…but it's nice to know I look young for my age," she said, flashing him a toothy smile.

Sean walked up behind Shanna and smiled at Tracker. "Hey, Man! I see you've met my roomy."

Tracker frowned. "You're roomed with a chick?" he asked in surprise.

Sean smiled. "Long story."

Shanna giggled. "Oh, Sean! You can tell your brother!" She turned back to Tracker. "I'm a dyke."

Tracker nodded. "Yeah…OK…Sean, can we talk? I don't have much time, and that Batey bitch is being a hard ass about my time limit."

Sean nodded. "Sure. Let's go to the caf. It's lunchtime anyway, and I'm starved. See you around, Shanny?"

She laughed. "Of course! We sort of live together, don't we?"

He nodded absently as he followed Tracker down the hall. Shanna sighed sadly and went into her room. She frowned in surprise. "Charlie? What are you doing in here?"

"Whoop-whoop!"

Shanna laughed and sat on her bed. He sat next to her. "So, Whoopy…what's up?"

He turned to face her, the childlike face suddenly becoming devious. "Saw something."

"Oh, yeah? What'd you see?"

He leaned closer and whispered in her ear. "I saw you fucking Sean," he murmured and Shanna gasped at the realization that he had just dropped another wall from his façade.

"Charlie," she whispered sharply. "You're faking?"

He smirked and nodded, hopping off the bed. "Now we _both _know a secret," he mumbled as he walked to the door. Just before he walked out, he turned with a smile and pressed his finger to his lips. "Shhh!"

He hurried out the door and ran down the hall shrieking, "Whoop-whoop!"


	8. Chap 8: U Can't Always Get What U Want

Chapter 8: You Can't Always Get What You Want

Tracker sat down, studying his brother hard. He frowned. "Jesus, Sean! Are you nuts?"

Sean flinched and frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"You're-" he'd began to shout, but felt several curious eyes on him, so he leaned forward and whispered harshly. "You're screwing that little…that freak, aren't you?"

"She's not a freak!" Sean hissed.

Tracker rolled his eyes and sat back hard. "So help me…if you get her knocked up, Little Bro, don't bother bringing her to my place asking me to help you out!"

"Like I would-" he stopped, all the color draining from his face as Tracker's words began to sink in. "Why would you say I'd get her knocked up?"

Tracker rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. Like this place is full of condom machines! Jackass…you're just plain stupid sometimes."

Sean sighed and stared at the table. "She's…we get each other. No baggage. Nothing but…"

"Go back to Toronto, idiot."

"No! You're not getting it, are you?" Sean sighed. "Obviously I'm not what she wants, or she'd have called."

"And why can't you pick up a fucking phone, Moron?"

"Would you stop bashing me? She's nice…and I feel good when I'm around her."

Tracker waved off his comment. "She's a slut, and she hit on me right before you walked up." Tracker glared at Sean when he started to say something, and then continued as if Sean hadn't said a word. "She called, you know."

Sean frowned, thrown for a confused loop. "What? Who? Shanna called you?"

Tracker sighed and rolled his eyes. "Emma…she called me."

Jay knocked on the door and Emma ran to answer it. She smiled up at Jay as Alex slid past her and grabbed the pizza. Walking towards the kitchen, Alex turned her head. "Hey, Emma? Tip the man and send him on his way," she teased.

"Eat shit, Lexi," Jay muttered with a smirk.

"No thanks. Not on the mood to stick my tongue in your mouth at the moment," she said with a smirk.

Emma laughed and let Jay in. He rolled his eyes and smirked. "You two smoked up earlier, didn't you?"

Emma nodded. "How'd you guess?"

"It's the only time Lexi is a playful bitch instead of just a bitch."

"Hey, fuck you!" she called from the kitchen.

"No thanks…" he called back. "We just did that yesterday."

Emma blushed. "OK…you're both gross. I've still got to eat, you know!"

Jay scooped Emma up, making her squeal with surprise. "Put me down, you oaf!"

Jay laughed and shook his head. "Nope. You're stuck with me for the rest of the day." He carried her into the kitchen and sat down, holding her tightly on his lap and grabbing a slice of pizza. Alex rolled her eyes and laughed at Emma, who was laughing too hard to struggle free.

"Forget it, Nelson. Might as well just relax and grab a slice. Enjoy the moment. He's actually letting you sit there without groping you."

Jay wiggled his eyebrows. "Who says I'm not groping her?"

Emma laughed and slapped his arm. "You're nasty! Let me up!"

After Tracker left, Sean walked around the hospital a bit, trying to figure out what Tracker was up to. Had Emma really called and pranked him like that? Could Emma _really _say that kind of stuff? If she could, Sean had never heard her talk that way.

Finally, he sighed and walked back into his room. His frown grew when he saw his duffel bag strewn across the room. "What the hell?" he muttered as he began picking up articles of clothing. "OK…who the fuck took my hoody? Where's my-"

"Sean?" he heard her murmur softly from the other side of the curtain.

Sean sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked over. "Shanny? Have you seen my-" his voice cut off as he walked into her side of the room and found her sitting on the bed with a huge grin on her face, wearing nothing but his hoody and beanie.

"You like it?" she asked softly.

He swallowed hard. "Shanny…you're gonna' get us busted. You know that, right?" he asked, even though his legs were carrying him over to the small girl.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him over her. "We've got half an hour before they do bed checks," she whispered as her lower body ground against his.

Sean looked up, scanning the room quickly before adjusting himself over her and pressing himself into her. "Hi," he murmured softly, smiling at her.

"Hey, yourself," she whispered back and wrapped her legs eagerly around his waist as they found their rhythm.

Jay, Alex, and Emma had finished eating and were sitting around talking. "So, Alex? Do you need a ride to work? We can drop you off on the way to the Dot," Jay offered.

Alex shook her head. "Thanks, but Paige is picking me up."

He arched a teasing eyebrow at her. "So…you mean you two are a thing again? Does that mean you don't need me around anymore?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Paige and I aren't together. That was…it was just a thing…and it's over. We're better friends, as strange as that sounds. Oh. And just so you know…as for needing you? I can find plenty. Thanks, though."

Jay frowned. "What? I'm not the only one?"

Alex gave Emma a look and rolled her eyes. "Unlike you, Jay. I stick with one flavor at a time. I'm not like a little kid at a candy store."

Emma snorted, trying to hold back her laugh. It didn't work, and soon Alex had joined her. Jay frowned in confusion. "OK…what gives?"

Emma shook her head and laughed harder. "N-nothi-nothing. I-in-insi-inside j-joke."

Jay frowned and grabbed her hips tightly. "Tell me, or I'll tickle you until you pee yourself! I swear I will!"

Alex snorted and rolled her eyes. "Go ahead. Tickle her. If she pees, where will it go?"

Jay frowned and cringed, realizing Emma was still on his lap. "You two are so…so…unfair!" he pouted.

"Oh, poor Jay!" Emma laughed, laying her forehead in the crook of his neck and hugging him. "Poor baby!"

Jay shoved her teasingly from his lap. "You're not my friend anymore. I'll drive you to work…I'll even drive you home, but that's it. No more talking or hugging…I don't like you anymore!"

Emma laughed and hopped back on his lap. She batted her eyelashes at him innocently. "You know you love me. You can't live without me. As a matter of fact, I'm the very air you breathe."

"Only when you fart," Jay groused. Emma gaped at him in shock and Alex hooted with laughter.

Sean and Shanna lay on her bed, out of breath and covered in sweat.

"So…how many times did you think of her that time?" she asked innocently.

Sean looked over at her with a frown. "What?"

"Emma. How many-"

"Shanna!" Sean groused. "What the hell?"

She shrugged. "I just wondered."

He got up angrily. "Well, don't." He started walking back to his side of the room, but turned to glare at her. "I want my hoody and my hat back."

"Sean! Don't be mad!" she pled.

"Too late." He hopped on his bed and rolled away to look at the wall.

"Sean?" Shanna whispered, touching his back lightly. "I didn't mean to-"

He rolled over and studied her. "What? You didn't mean to what? Steal my stuff? Go talking about things that are none of your business? Oh, wait! I know! You didn't mean to try to tag and bag two Cameron guys both in one day, right?"

She blanched and whispered, "Is that what he told you?" She frowned when he turned away. "Oh, yeah. And let me guess. You believed him, right?" She began pacing back and forth, ranting. "Of course you did. And why wouldn't you? I mean…it's not like we've been best friends for the last month. It's not like I'm the one who was here to talk to you at all hours of the night when you were lonely…when you were having your fucking nightmares! And it's not like I'm the one who's been listening to you piss and moan for the last month about how sad you are that you're too much of a puss to go back to that shit hole town…where you _know _you belong. Well, you know what? Fuck you, Sean Cameron. Fuck you and your shitty assed brother!"

"Too late. You had one of us…and the other wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole!"

Emma hugged Alex and hurried out after Jay. "Great! I hope we're not late!"

Jay shrugged. "Chill. We'll make it."

Emma sighed and rolled her eyes. "Jay! Rent's due next week! I need every penny of my pay to make sure I have my half of the rent and still be able to afford to chip in on groceries."

Jay sighed. "Emma…Green Peace? Have they…the cops…have they called you?"

Emma frowned, watching the traffic as they sped by, trying to forget. "Ummm…no. Why? Should they-"

Jay nodded, cutting her off. "They found him. This morning."

Emma paled, but shrugged, staring hard at her chipping fingernail polish. 'I should have painted them instead of toking up today,' she thought to herself absently. Finally, she sighed and looked back up to stare out the windshield. "Sucks to be him, I guess."

Jay shook his head. "Anyway…just…just stay out of the ravine, OK? Word has it that some of his Toronto buddies are out for your…uhhh…" he sighed harshly. "They said they're gonna' do to you what you're claiming he did."

"He did! I'm not lying!" Emma shouted as tears sprang to her eyes. She refused to let them fall.

"Emma, Babe. You don't have to tell me. I was there, remember?" He sighed again. "Just…don't go back there until things cool off. I know Aaron hated him, but…" he shrugged. "He's an asshole, and shit knows where his loyalty really lies."

Emma nodded. "OK…thanks."

Jay pulled in front of the Dot. "No problem." He laid his hand over hers. "Don't worry about it, though. Just stay the hell away from Aaron, and I'll keep an ear out."

"Thanks," she murmured with a small smile as she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "You know…I've changed my mind. You're not as big of an asshole as I previously thought."

Jay's eyes widened and he teasingly put his hand over his heart. "Be still my beating heart! Green Peace doesn't think I'm an asshole!"

She laughed and slapped him playfully. "Oh…you're an asshole. Just…I've met bigger."

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You and Alex are _way _too much alike! It's almost scary."

She wiggled her brows. "Admit it. You think it's kind of hot."

He laughed. "Emma Nelson and hot…hmmm…two words I'd never found synonymous before."

Emma's eyes widened. "Don't hurt yourself Jay! Four syllable words aren't for a beginner such as yourself!"

He rolled his eyes and opened his door. "Get you skinny ass out of my car. We've got about thirty seconds to get clocked in."

Sean woke up, wondering what the strange sound that had woken him up was. The room was dark and he strained to hear. 'There! What the hell was that?' his mind asked as he sat up and listened harder. He climbed out of bed, realizing it was coming from Shanna's side of the room. Rolling his eyes, he yanked the curtain open, half expecting to find her rifling through his stuff again. What he saw made him want to gag.

There was Shanna, lying on her bed, covered in vomit and convulsing. He ran over to her, shocked, and rolled her to her side to prevent her from choking to death. He looked around and found the culprit and quickly began shouting.

"Help! I need help!"

His mind raced as he tried to open her mouth. Her teeth clamped down on his finger and he yelped, but refused to give up as he began digging pill after pill from her mouth.

"Shanna? Shanny? Come on, Baby! I'm sorry, OK? Shanny?"

Where in the hell were the doctors? "I need help, dammit!" he shouted louder.

Suddenly, someone was in the room, but Sean didn't have time to wonder. He saw the standard issue yellow sweat pants and knew it was another patient. "Get help!" he shouted.

He looked up numbly, his mind reeling, as another boy took over. He hit the nurse's call button and stood her up, giving her the Heimlich Maneuver. "Charlie?" he whispered in shock.

Charlie nodded as Shanna began breathing on her own. "Call me Whoopy," he mumbled, laying her back on the bed.

As the nurses began to rush in, Charlie began frantically running around the room screaming his famous "whoop-whoop". Sean was too shocked to speak as two large men came in and ushered the two boys out of the room, leading them into a large waiting room. Sean didn't fight. He just collapsed into a chair in exhaustion.

"She does that for attention, you know."

Sean frowned and his eyes narrowed at the other boy. "What the fuck are you saying?"

Charlie frowned and pushed greasy light brown bangs from his eyes. "Every time Batey threatens to send her home, she does that. It buys her some extra time."

"From what? Going home? Seeing her mom?"

Charlie shrugged. "It's not her mom she's worried about. It's her mom's boyfriend."

Sean was still trying to wrap his mind around Shanna's suicide attempt and Charlie's "recovery". "Why? Does he beat her or what?"

"Or what is more like it." Charlie sighed. "I suppose she told you about getting caught with that girl?"

Sean nodded and Charlie continued. "Well…from what I gather…her boyfriend was in the mix. It wasn't her mom who caught her. It was her mom's old man."

"And he's the one who beat her up?"

Charlie snorted. "If only it were that simple," he muttered, shaking his head. "Nope. Dude beat the hell out of her boyfriend, and the kid woke up just in time to find him screwing the hell out of Shanna…after he'd had a go at her friend Christy. Guess he'd been doing it for years and it pissed him off to find out he was sharing."

Sean paled, his stomach turning. "So, they were having an affair…or he raped her…or what?"

"Who knows? It's hard to say. I think that's why she…well, when she gets a room mate, she hooks up."

"Shit!"

Emma hurried in the door of the Dot and clocked in, grabbing her apron. A tall girl with red hair walked up and handed her a note pad. "Nice hair."

Emma smiled nervously, touching her hair. "Thanks."

The other girl, Janice, nodded. "Well, I'm out. Table three needs their drink orders taken."

Emma nodded and hurried to table three as Janice rushed out, stopping for a moment to flirt with Jay. Emma caught his absent eye roll and chuckled to herself as she got to the table. "Hi, I'm Emma, and I'll be your waitress."

The six customers had given her their orders and Emma turned away. She heard whispers from table five. "That's the little slut who hooked up with Teddy and cried rape." Emma turned to glare pointedly at the people when she heard something that made her drop her tray. "Like any little slut who screwed Aaron and all his friends could ever get raped!"

Jay saw the look on Emma's face and hurried past Janice, shoving through the door. He got there just in time for Emma to walk over to the little blonde who was still muttering insult after insult directed at Emma.

"Excuse me? Miss?" Emma said.

The girl seemed shocked, but leaned back nonchalantly in her seat. "Yeah?"

Emma leaned down, her knuckles on the table. "If you're going to run your big mouth about me…then let's get the facts straight. First off, yeah. I screwed Aaron. He just happened to be my boyfriend at the moment. So, yeah. I screwed him. As for his friends? Nope. They only got blowjobs from me. No sex. So, yeah…maybe that makes me a whore, but I only collected green bracelets." She looked pointedly at the multi-colored bracelets filling the girl's wrist. "As for you…looks like you've been pretty busy."

The girl looked sheepishly at her friends as she slid her arm under the table. Emma just smirked and continued. "OK…now the green is oral…red is for virginity…didn't notice one of those there on you, so I'm guessing you weren't…yellow is just plain sex…how many did you have twelve? Fifteen? Saw a few orange there…just kissing," she muttered with a shrug. "Can't quite remember what the purple is for…necking, maybe? Oh, well! See…I quit going to the ravine for that a while back. But you know what is _really _funny? Those brown ones. Now…" she turned to Jay. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't brown mean the most disgusting of all sex acts?"

Jay smirked and nodded. "Yeah…so gross even I won't do it. And I _like _being a whore!"

"And gee, Jay! She had six of those!"

Her friends backed away from her a bit. The girl turned red with fury. "Eat shit, you little bitch!" she whispered.

Emma smirked and picked up a drink from the table. "You need your mouth washed out, young lady." Her eyes swept over the other girl's body, landing on her seat with a frown. "Among other things," she muttered as she shot the cold pop in the other girl's face.

The enraged girl just sat there gaping as Emma leaned in again. "Ever been hit in the face so hard your limbs went completely numb? Then woke up to find yourself hurting and bruised to hell and back with teeth marks over every inch of your body and you don't remember having sex, but knowing someone had it with you? No? Then you have no fucking idea what I went through!" she murmured through gritted teeth. "Next time, get your facts straight before you run your little cock sucker about shit you know nothing about!"

Before the girl could respond, Emma turned on her heel and stormed off. She was shaking so hard with fury that she couldn't carry the drinks. Jay walked up and took her tray, kissing her temple. "I've got it. Go catch your breath, Super Woman…and be thankful the manager didn't see that little stunt. Emma smiled weakly and nodded. When Jay returned, he leaned and whispered in her ear, "Table three wanted me to tell you that they think you're cool for not taking that chick's shit."

Emma laughed. "Guess I should go take their orders and tell them thanks."

Jay nodded as Emma grabbed her tray, feeling more confident, and walked over to table three grinning.


	9. Chapter 9: Runaway Train

Chapter 9: Runaway Train

The rest of Emma and Jay's shift went smoothly, and Emma sighed in relief, rolling her shoulders tiredly as she clocked out. Jay rubbed her shoulders, murmuring, "Tired, Kiddo?"

Emma yawned and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Mmmm-hmmm…" she murmured quietly.

Jay chuckled and teasingly shoved her. "Being a big meany will do that to you."

Emma smirked. "Hey! She had it coming!"

Jay nodded. "And your style was so…so…"

"Eloquent? Perfect? Well thought out?"

He rolled his eyes. "Try vindictive and rude…very Jay and Alex-like."

Emma beamed. "I learned from the best!"

Jay shoved her playfully. "Go call Lexi and see if she needs a ride. I've got to talk to Mark."

Emma nodded, relieved that Jay had given her an out from talking to Mark. He worked with Emma and Jay, and Jay got along with him, but Emma never trusted him. He'd once bought a package of nickel bracelets and had secretly draped them in various spots on all Emma's tables. She'd tried to ignore it until he'd grabbed her and dragged her into the stockroom and tied one to her wrist. He'd only been trying to scare her…or maybe he'd found it amusing…but all he'd gotten for his trouble was a stiff knee to the groin. Emma had never told anyone…not even Jay.

She felt bad that Jay was giving up his old friends one by one, and so she'd stayed quiet and now went out of her way to avoid him.

She hurried towards the door, but not before she'd heard Mark call out with a snorting laugh, "Collected any bracelets lately? Or how about some new diseases?"

"Back off her, Man!" Jay growled. Emma dropped her head and hurried out the door.

An orderly finally returned to the waiting room. "Mr. Cameron? Think you can find your own way back to your room?" he asked as he began leading Charlie from the room. "Come on, Whoopy. Bed time."

Sean sighed and followed. "Shanna…is she…"

The orderly shrugged. "She's downstairs. They've got her stabilized, but I don't know anything else."

Sean nodded, feeling slightly relieved, but mostly feeling guilty. "Did she…you know…leave a note or anything?"

The orderly shook his head. "Not that I know of."

"Oh. Well…good night." Sean turned into his room and walked over to Shanna's side. He sat down on her bed, guilt washing through him. What the hell had happened? How could he have been so rude to her?

He frowned when he saw a piece of pink paper jutting out from the corner of her mattress. How hadn't they found it when they were changing the sheets? He pulled it out and slowly opened the paper. His heart sunk as he read the words.

'_Don't worry about me. There's a special place in hell for people just like me._

_Don't cry, don't try…don't worry about a goodbye._

_I'm nothing…no one. Nothing but a lost soul on the run.'_

Sean crumbled up the paper, not even bothering to finish reading it. He threw it angrily against the wall and dropped down on her pillow. Why hadn't she told him the truth? Why was she lying to him? Would he ever get the chance to tell her that he knew the truth, and that he still felt the same about her? He wasn't sure if he loved her, but he knew that it was the closest thing to love he'd ever feel for anyone other than Emma.

Emma hung up after talking to Alex. She flipped Jay's phone closed and tossed it on the seat, leaning against the hood of the car as she lit a cigarette and watched Jay and Mark through the window.

"You never really told me if Hogart's your new man…nice hair by the way. Sort of sexy. Even if it is on you."

Emma froze as her head turned slowly. She dropped her cigarette nervously. "A-Aaron…I-I don't want any trouble."

Aaron laughed harshly. "Oh, yeah?" he asked as he picked up her cigarette, took a hit, and held it out to Emma who just stared at it. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Relax. You just saw me pick it up…afraid I laced it?"

She shook her head and slowly reached out and snatched it quickly away. "Wh-What do you want, Aaron?"

He shrugged and leaned against the car next to Emma. She cringed away, making him laugh. "Relax. We're cool."

"Oh, yeah? So…uhhh…this has nothing to do with your little buddy Teddy, right?" She finally began to feel something other than fear and snorted, shaking her head as she stood up. "You guys are all so damned predictable!"

Aaron caught her wrist. "Emma. Wait."

"Let me go," she hissed, trying to call on the old Emma…the Emma who took no shit from anyone. She snatched her arm away. "I don't run with you anymore. I'm not your bitch anymore, so keep your filthy hands off of me!"

Aaron frowned at her for a moment, and then laughed, shaking his head. "I might have been a shitty boyfriend, but I never…I know you're not lying. That's all I'm trying to say."

Emma stared at him in confusion. "You…you believe me?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

Aaron shook his head with another laugh. "Damn, girl! Did I make you that untrusting?" He nodded and sighed. "Yeah. Guess I probably did. Look. You wouldn't lie about that, right?" She nodded and he nodded back. "See…I know you never really liked it…cried every damned time…but you never called it rape. So…why would Teddy make it rape unless he did rape you?"

Emma nodded, staring at the ground. "Yeah."

"Anyway…I just wanted to let you know…" he sighed again. "I believe you, but you should keep out of the ravine. Cause there's a lot of people who don't believe you, and they're planning something big." He shrugged. "Jay can protect you from me cause I got respect for him. And I'd do my damndest to keep your pretty little ass pretty…just in case you realize where the fun in life is…but there's like ten or fifteen of them gunning for you. So, just watch your ass."

Jay looked up and frowned at the scene outside. He pushed past Mark. Aaron saw him coming and lightly touched Emma's shoulder, kissed her cheek, and whispered, "Next time find the guy you don't cry with cause you're not shit like the rest of us." He hurried off into the darkness, leaving Emma gaping.

Jay rushed up to Emma, gently taking her shoulder and looking after Aaron. "Are you OK? Did he threaten you or-"

Emma chuckled and laid her head on Jay's chest. "I'm OK, Jay. Really. He…" she looked in the direction Aaron had gone in awe. "He said he believed me."

Jay snorted. "Yeah. I'm sure he does!" he muttered sarcastically.

She shook her head. "No. I mean…yeah. It's Aaron, and…well…" she shook her head again, trying to figure it all out. "He said the same thing you did. That I shouldn't go to the ravine. He even told me that ten or fifteen people were after me."

Jay frowned. "Why would he tell you that?"

Emma shrugged and stubbed out her cigarette. "I don't know. We should go though. Lex needs a ride home."

Jay nodded and unlocked Emma's door then hurried around to his own side.

Sean awoke late in the night to the sound of Nurse Batey growling, "What do you think you're doing here, Mr. Cameron?"

Sean looked up, trying to focus on the woman's face as he frowned in confusion. "What?"

"I asked what you were doing in Miss Tifton's bed."

Sean frowned again, sitting up as he ran a sleepy hand through his hair. "I'm not…not sure…" he murmured as he looked around. "Wh-Where's Shanny?" he asked, beginning to panic as his confused mind wouldn't let him grasp what had happened earlier that evening. "Where'd she go?"

Ms. Batey sighed and rolled her eyes, trying to show a bit of compassion. "Do you remember anything that happened tonight? Can you think of anything that might have made her-"

"She tried to kill herself!" he gasped as the memory of holding her while she threw up filled his mind.

Ms. Batey rolled her eyes with a sigh. "I'll take that as a no."

"Is she…did she…"

Ms. Batey sighed again and touched his shoulder. "She'll be fine. But…Mr. Cameron? I'm worried about you. Has Shanna…are you and Shanna…"

Sean frowned and rolled his eyes. "Why can't a guy and girl be friends without _that?_" he asked in irritation. He rubbed the back of his neck. "We just…we get each other. We're both stuck in a shitty place and we want out. So…we sit around and bitch about it. Is that so wrong?"

Ms. Batey frowned. "I don't know what Shanna's been telling you…but I've been trying to get her out of here for three years, and-"

"Three years?" Sean asked with a frown. "I thought…she told me she'd only been here about a year and a half."

Ms. Batey shook her head. "Three years…and I don't know why. She's not…" she sighed. "She's like you. Something happened to her a long time ago. She refuses to let it go. She wants to hide out in here and pretend that she's mentally unstable." She rolled her eyes. "This happens every few months…just to keep her file growing. Hopefully tonight will be her wake up call. If you hadn't been here, she wouldn't have been able to call us in the state she was in. She pushed it too hard and too far this time."

Sean sighed and crawled back into his bed. "Tell Shanna…if you see her…tell her I miss her? Tell her that I want my roommate back?"

Ms. Batey sighed and nodded as she left the room.

Jay pulled up by the theater just in time to see Alex wave goodbye to Paige. She hurried over to the car and climbed in behind Emma. "What's up?" she asked.

Jay shrugged. Emma shrugged. Alex frowned. "What? You can't tell me that nothing happened today!"

Emma shrugged again. "The usual…waited on tables…told off some slutty little bitch who had the nerve to call me a whore…" Alex snorted and Emma smiled. "Thought you'd like that."

"Don't forget to tell her about your little visit from Aaron," Jay groused.

"Aaron? What the hell did he want?"

Emma shrugged. "To tell me that he believed me about Teddy."

Alex stared at Emma in shock. "And you believe him?"

Emma shrugged. "Some of the stuff he said…it just…he was being nice. Like…kind of like he used to be before…"

Alex sighed and shook her head. "I can't believe you're falling for it!"

"I'm not falling for anything! It's not like he wanted me to…you know…he didn't ask me to hang out with him again. He's done with me."

Jay sighed and shook his head. "How can you be sure?"

Emma sighed and rolled her eyes as she began running a fingertip over the scar on her wrist sadly. "If he weren't, he had plenty of opportunity to kill me, or at least beat me senseless." She looked out the window. "He's through with me. Just like Mom and Jack…like Archie…like Manny and JT and Toby and Liberty…like Chris and Peter…like Sean."

Alex leaned forward and touched Emma's trembling shoulder. "Hey! You've got friends. Not everyone's through with you, OK?" Emma nodded and dropped her head sadly. "Just don't think you don't."

"I won't," Emma whispered as the tears trickled slowly down her cheeks.

Sean watched Shanna lying beneath him, gasping and whimpering. He watched the passion in her eyes as she pulled his head down to meet her lips. Her legs were wrapped tightly around him and she was giving herself to him as she whispered his name over and over.

Sean loved this feeling. He felt wanted and needed. It was the first time he'd felt anything like this since Emma had tried to talk to him the day after they broke up in grade nine.

_"We both said a lot of things…"_

His movements quickened as he tried to forget Emma's face that day. Shanna's whimpering grew more frantic. Her nails dug into his back.

"_I thought we could talk. Really talk."_

"_I got nothing to say."_

Shanna was crying out under him. He ignored her…just pushed harder until she was screaming. He finally looked into her face and realized that she wasn't Shanna anymore. She was Emma. Her face was twisted in pain and fear. She cried his name loudly. He was hurting her, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

Sean shot up in bed…slicked with sweat and sick to his stomach. He looked frantically around the dark room and realized he'd been having a nightmare. His mind locked onto the sights and sounds of Emma's fear and pain and his stomach turned. He jumped up and rushed to the bathroom, barely dropping to his knees before the vomit rose from his throat. He didn't think he would ever stop. Every time he thought his body could relax for a moment, the dream would fill his head and he would once again throw up. He couldn't seem to stop until his body collapsed onto the floor from complete exhaustion.

He curled into a fetal position as his body trembled with pain and fear. He whispered Emma's name over and over.


	10. Chapter 10: Tainted Love

Chapter 10: Tainted Love

"_Dear Sean,_

_I'm trying to learn what living after rape is like. Did I mention that I'd been raped? It happened about a month ago. We had this party and I messed up. I flirted with a guy that I thought wouldn't hurt me, but surprise-surprise! Guess that's just the way life works sometimes. So…you know me. I freaked and downed some OxyCodone. I'd be dead right now if Alex hadn't found me. The weird thing is, she and Jay saved my life._

_After everything I've done…after screwing around with Jay and screwing everything up for them…they still saved my life. Sometimes I wish I could say I was happy about it, but…right now I just don't see the point. I'm not happy. I haven't been happy for a long time. Hell, I can't even really say I've been sad. All I can feel is numb, but achy at the same time, if that makes sense. _

_But I've learned a few things about myself. First off, I learned that I'm not gay…and I'm not bisexual. But that's not something you'd give two shits about, right? I mean…yeah. I did it with a chick, and it was nice, but…but…the whole time, I was imagining your hands…your lips…doing all that stuff to me. In the end, she said I screamed for you. I shouldn't tell you that, but you'll never read this, so who gives a damn, right?_

_I also learned that sometimes you make an impression on some of the strangest people. Tonight, Aaron came up to me and said some things that confused me. Like he likes me, but he doesn't. He told me that he wasn't one of the many people who believe Teddy over me. He kind of acted like he cared. He warned me that people were after me, and then he kissed my cheek. He said that I needed someone who didn't make me cry._

_Then again, we all know that's impossible. You made me cry…Chris…yeah. He made me cry, but not for him. He made me cry for you. Jay made me sick because he used you as a way to get to me, and I cried for you again. Peter made me cry by destroying the only thing that made me feel at least halfway normal. Then I thought of you and cried some more. Archie hurt my mom, which made me cry. I went to one of those homes…you know, foster care, after I tried to die. But…they were evil. They made me dirty. They destroyed me. All the while, I kept crying out for you…wishing you could come and save me from that hell hole like you saved me from Rick._

_Funny thing is, you didn't really save me. He killed me anyway. He killed the person who I was by taking you away. If he hadn't made you leave, I wouldn't be in this emotional train wreck._

_Oh, well! You live, you learn…right?_

_Love,_

_Emma"_

Emma sighed sadly as she shut her notebook with a trembling hand. She looked up at the clock and frowned. Jay and Alex had excused themselves to the room over an hour before. Emma had seen the look in their eyes and turned up the stereo, making sure to hit repeat so that the events from a previous night wouldn't repeat itself.

"_Dear Em,_

_A girl tried to kill herself last night, and I think it's my fault. The nurse says she does this a lot, but if I hadn't been so mean…_

_I hurt you. I broke you over and over, and you kept pushing. I hurt Ellie, and she'd stare at her cutting kit. She'd get this longing look in her eyes, but she'd never touch it. I was mean to Shanna and she downed a bunch of pills._

_This place sucks. What kind of mental hospital puts a chick in a guy's room? Can you tell me that? _

_It's not the hospital's fault. They think she's a lesbian, but she told me she's not. She kissed me the first day I got here. It should have been a warning sign to stay away, but a month later, we were best friends going at it like rabbits. I love you, Emma…but it felt good. Not just the sex, but…but everything. Someone finally loved me again…even if it was only while we were having sex._

_I had a dream about you. We were…we were being intimate, and then I was hurting you. You were screaming and crying, but I couldn't stop. Just life our life, huh? I never seemed to be able to stop hurting you._

_I'm sorry. I know I've said it a hundred times in a hundred letters, but I am. I love you, but I always hurt you._

_I want to blame my dad for beating the hell out of me every chance he got, but I can't. That didn't start until I came back here the last time. I want to blame my mom for letting him beat on me, but I can't do that either. Hell, even I let him beat me. I could have fought him, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that bad things come to me when I fight. First, Jimmy…and I hurt you by pushing you down. Next, Jay…and I hurt you by not trying to make it work out. Why in the hell couldn't I be friends with Jay and still let you be a part of my life? How hard was that?_

_I know you, Em. You have a beautiful soul. You always forgave me…right up to the end…even when I was sure you wouldn't. And I know you would have eventually figured out a way to make Jay and Alex see what I always saw in you._

_I didn't deserve you…don't deserve you now (especially now)…but I know if you were here right now, you'd make me feel like I did. God! I miss you so much!_

_Love Forever,_

_Sean"_

Sean closed his notebook and slid it back under his pillow. He'd just dropped his head and closed his eyes as Nurse Mitchell, a stocky blonde haired man came in. "Feeling better, Mr. Cameron?"

He shrugged. "A bit…I guess."

Mr. Mitchell nodded. "Yeah, well, I was pretty worried about you after I found you in the bathroom like that this morning."

Sean snorted. "Worried…yeah. So…was it worry that made you take my blood and have a tox-screen done?"

Mr. Mitchell sighed. "Sean…Mr. Cameron…it's hospital policy. With your history of suicide-"

"Once! I did it one damned time! I was freaked out! I'd just hit my dad…gotten sick of him hitting me and let him have a taste of what I was getting." Sean shrugged. "I realized what I'd done and knew I was in deep shit." He sighed and frowned. "And I was right. The fucker tried to shoot me."

Mr. Mitchell lifted Sean's wrist, checking his pulse. "Yes, well…with what happened with your roommate last night…we have to be careful. Suicide pacts are common between two disturbed teens."

Sean sighed as he thought silently, _'So does mind blowing sex…twice in the span of two hours.' _"Look. Why would I try to kill myself on some stupid pact when the other half didn't die?"

Mr. Mitchell smirked and nodded. "You'd be surprised. Besides…we had to make sure you hadn't gotten freaked out by what you saw last night."

Sean lay back, finally giving in. "Yeah. OK. That was some pretty messed up shhhh…errr…stuff. But I kept my head enough to keep her from choking to death on her own puke.

Mr. Mitchell nodded. "You were a real hero last night."

Sean rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in defeat. "Oh, great! Here we go again!"


	11. Chapter 11: Not Gon' Cry

Chapter 11: Not Gon' Cry

Alex was sick and couldn't go to school the next day, and since Jay hadn't gotten back in after Spin had gotten them expelled, Emma was on her own.

She threw on a pair of old blue jeans with rips in the knees and tears under the back pockets. She grabbed one of Alex's dark green tank tops. "Can I wear this?"

Alex nodded. "Sure," she muttered before falling into a sneezing fit.

"Oh, poor Lexi," Emma murmured as she sat on the bed and snuggled her friend. "Are you _sure _you don't want me to stick around and help you out today?"

Alex smiled. "I'm good. Now…you _do _realize your ass is hanging out, right?"

Emma shrugged with a frown. "So? It's not like I get many looks of the non-perverted variety anyway."

"Emma!"

"No…it's OK. I'm fine with it. It was my choice to date Aaron in the first place. I ruined my own reputation."

Alex sighed. "You're doing better, though, Emma. Don't let those useless fucks at school tear down everything you're actually starting to accomplish."

Emma smiled. "Thanks."

Alex smiled back. "Welcome. Now…are you gonna' change into something less revealing?"

Emma laughed and kissed Alex's cheek. "What's the matter? Worried that someone will try to steal me away?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Yeah. That's it," she muttered sarcastically. "I'm worried that someone will snap you right up."

Emma playfully slapped her friend's arm. "You're just afraid I'll get an offer…and that I'll forget to bring home cold medicine on the way home from school."

"Hey! What can I say? I need a Nyquil buzz to get me through this!"

Emma laughed and hurried out the door when she heard Jay's horn honking outside the apartment. She ran down the steps and stopped short when she realized that it wasn't Jay's car. She didn't know these people…three or four…four, she realized as she saw a shorter head pop up from the back seat. Her confusion turned to horror and she scrambled to find her apartment key. She knew that she couldn't fight, so flight was her only option. A familiar set of green eyes was suddenly mere inches from her face.

"Get in the car, Bitch."

Sean was finally allowed out of bed later that morning. His drug test had come back clean and Nurse Mitchell had offered to take a walk with him on his break. Sean…eager to get out of the stuffy room, which still held small whiffs of vomit from the previous evening…had jumped up and followed the man out the door.

Nurse Mitchell stood by Sean as he signed out, and then followed Sean through the hospital doors. "So…"

"So…" Sean muttered back. "Is anyone ever gonna' come clean that puke stink out of my room? I know I'm used to living in a dump…but even I have my standards."

Nurse Mitchell chuckled. "Why do you think I brought you out here?"

Sean smirked. "Gee…and I thought it was because you liked my company!"

Mr. Mitchell laughed and clapped Sean on the shoulder. "You're one of the few patients I think I might actually miss when you get out of here."

Sean smiled. "No, you won't. Everyone _thinks _I'm worth missing until I'm actually gone. That's when they realize I'm not that memorable."

Mr. Mitchell shook his head. "Is that what you think?"

He shrugged and sighed. "Not one word. I moved back here to escape the shooting…but not one person…not even my own girlfriend saw fit to call me more than once. And the only reason Ellie called was to let me know that she was sending my shit back to Wasaga."

Mr. Mitchell frowned. "Had you planned on staying?"

Sean shrugged. "Maybe…maybe not. I mean…I just figured I needed some time. I guess she figured that since I didn't answer when she asked how long…I guess she figured I meant for good."

Nurse Mitchell nodded. "Oh. But you didn't?"

"I don't know. Maybe. At the time…" Sean shrugged. "Never figured my dad would go beyond the drunken bastard act he's played so well for so long and turn into an abusive…" he sighed. "It doesn't matter."

Nurse Mitchell sighed. "Maybe it does…Sean? If you had a chance to go back, knowing what you know now…would you have still come here to Wasaga?"

Sean frowned, deep in thought. Finally, he nodded. "Yeah. I probably would have. I…after I killed Rick trying to save Emma…" he looked up at Nurse Mitchell quickly before turning his attention back to the path ahead. "She was my ex…and when I saw that gun…my mind kept popping back to everything we had. I realized I fucked up with her. I kept glancing back, trying to see where she was, praying that Rick was just messing with me…seeing inside my head, and wanting to hurt me like he thought Emma had hurt him. When it was over…I felt so damned guilty."

"Because Rick died?"

Sean shrugged. "Yeah…but not just that. When we got back to school after the shooting, Emma hugged me and thanked me, and all I could think was…_'Shit! I want her back!' _The whole time off while they cleaned up and stuff…I kept telling Ellie that I was glad I survived because almost dying made me realize my love for _her _when the fact was that the whole time I was looking for a way out without hurting her." He looked out over the hospital fence and sighed, slowly running his finger over the chain linking. "I brought them all to the beach because I wanted Emma to see for herself where I came from…why I am the way I am. She seemed to get it right away. Ellie resisted. Practically called me a liar for remembering things differently…Emma just seemed to know that I _needed _my memories intact for my sake."

The nurse nodded. "So…you were torn between love and being _in _love."

Sean nodded. "Yeah. I guess that's about the closest way I can think to explain…" his voice trailed off as a feeling of panic and fear filled him. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

Nurse Mitchell frowned. "Sean? Are you OK?" he asked the trembling boy.

Sean took another steadying breath and finally nodded. "Yeah. Just…a weird feeling is all."

Emma gaped at the boy's green eyes in terror as her eyes darted around, taking in her surroundings as she looked for an escape.

"I said to get in the car," he muttered. "Don't make me get my friends to-"

"What do you want, Teddy?" she asked shakily.

"Get in the-"

"No!" Emma hissed, shaking her head sharply. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

"You got a death wish, Bitch?" he asked in disbelief.

Emma suddenly found that remark funny. She laughed as she pulled up her sleeve to reveal the long scars running up her wrist. "What do you think, Asshole?"

Teddy glared at her. He took a step towards Emma, but she sidestepped him. "I'm not going anywhere with you. A-and if you take one more step…or you touch me _ever _again…I swear I'll scream so loud that all of Toronto will hear me!"

Teddy advanced on Emma, who sidestepped him again and turned to run, but he caught her waist. Emma screamed and kicked her legs, wondering briefly where the hell Jay was. She knew what would happen if they got her in that car…and she began to fight harder.

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Let me go!"

"Get her legs, Joe!"

"_Get her fucking legs!"_

"Stop! No! Help!"

"_You like that, don't you, Whore?"_

"Get your fucking hands off my girl, T-Man," a familiar voice growled fiercely at the group.

The other three dropped her, but Teddy held tight. "Stay out of this, Aaron."

Aaron took another menacing step towards the other boy. "Maybe you didn't hear me. I said to get your hands off my girl before I fucking break them off her!"

Teddy stared at Aaron for a moment before dropping her. Emma fell on her butt as a loud "Oof!" escaped her lungs. Aaron quickly stepped between her and Teddy, trying to prevent a stray kick from the other boy.

"So what? The bitch cries rape and you get all macho?"

Aaron shook his head with a harsh laugh. "Nope. Some asshole raped my girl, and next time he touches her, I'll fucking hunt him down like a dog and kill him."

Teddy glared between the two as Aaron held his hand out behind his back to help Emma up. His gray eyes never left Teddy's green ones as Emma took his hand and stood. He pulled her protectively against his back and held her hand tightly in his. "The game's over. You had your fun. Now, I suggest you back off and go about your business, T-Man cause you aint' the only one with friends."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'll catch her alone one of these times." He slid into the back seat of the car and they rode away. Emma let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks."

Aaron nodded as Emma dropped her hand from his. She dropped her eyes. He lifted her chin to study her. "Are you OK?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah. I…I'd better get to school."

"Come on. I'll walk you."

"OK," she murmured nervously as she fell into step with him. "Jay was supposed to pick me up, but…you know Jay. He probably forgot what time school started. I don't think I ever remember seeing him at school on time. I think he got a little better at it when Sean was catching a ride with him, but…" she babbled. Emma frowned, hating when she babbled.

Aaron chuckled and playfully bumped her shoulder. "You're nervous. That's cute."

"I'm not nervous!" she chuckled.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah. You are. Remember who you're talking to."

Emma sighed sadly, dropping her eyes back to her feet. "Yeah. I remember."

As suddenly as the feeling had come to Sean, it was gone. He shook it off and tried to smile at Nurse Mitchell. "Wow! That was weird."

Nurse Mitchell studied him for a moment. "Are you sure you're OK?"

Sean nodded. "Yeah. I guess the whole puking so much last must have made me weaker than I thought."

Nurse Mitchell nodded and glanced at his watch. "Yeah. Guess it does sort of take it out of you. Well…my break is about over, so we should head back."

"Yeah. OK."

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Nurse Mitchell broke the stillness. "So…would you go back if you thought you were needed?"

Sean frowned, thinking. "I dunno. Depends on who it was for. Ellie or Emma? In a heartbeat. Jay? Yeah, maybe. Maybe even Alex or Amy…but not so much for Amy."

Nurse Mitchell chuckled. "Who's Amy?"

Sean shrugged. "Just an ex…who never should have _been _a girlfriend. Emma and I broke up…and I was just horny."

"Ahhh…to be young again," the nurse laughed.

Sean smirked and nodded. "I guess. Anyway…she dumped me for someone else, and I never gave her a second thought." He frowned. "In fact…I think today might be the first time I've thought of her since I left Toronto."

Nurse Mitchell shrugged. "Some people whisk through your life with a whisper. But some of them are lucky enough to ride through on a tidal wave."

Sean laughed. "That's Emma! She's this tough…" he sighed as he tried to think of the words. "She's strong and independent. She made me want to do things I never thought possible. But she had weaknesses that she only shared with me. I knew as much about her as her friend since kindergarten, and that's saying a lot." He sighed. "She's…she's the one I know weathered the shooting with strength and courage."

"Hey, Aaron? I…" she sighed and started again. "How come?"

Aaron smirked and rolled his eyes. "Oh, hell! Ten minutes of hanging around with me, and you've lost the ability to speak in full sentences!"

Emma rolled her eyes and smacked him playfully without thinking. "I mean how come you said that stuff to Teddy back there?"

Aaron frowned. "Uhhh…yeah. You were in trouble."

Emma shook her head. "No. I mean…that stuff about me being your girl. Why? You didn't have to-"

Aaron cut her off with a kiss. "Sometimes I kinda' like to think of you that way," he muttered with a smirk and shrug. "I'm not a prick all the time. I just have to act that way."

Emma rolled her eyes as she thought of Sean…how he always acted tougher than he had to be just to hide the pain he was living. She shook the thought away. "Aaron? I know we're over…but…" she sighed. "Oh, hell! What am I doing here?" She started to walk away, but he caught her wrist and pulled her to him, kissing her lips softly.

"You had chocolate for breakfast," he said with a chuckle.

Emma smiled softly and took his hand. "One of the many benefits of living parent free."

"Oh, yeah? What are some of the others?"

Emma smirked and put her forehead against his. "Why don't you come over tonight and find out?" she murmured softly.

Aaron laughed. "Emma Nelson! When did you get a dirty little mind?"

Emma smirked again, but it was quickly replaced with a frown. "Aaron? I…do you think…maybe we could try again? I mean…I know you don't like me much, but…"

He kissed her again, pulling her tightly against him. A moaning sound escaped his throat as his body reacted to her closeness. When he pulled away, he took a breath before talking. "Never said I didn't like you. I said I'm supposed to be an prick." He shrugged and took her hand, walking her to school. "Never said you didn't drive me crazy either. You…ya' sorta' scare me is all."

Emma laughed. "I scare you? How does _that _work?"

Aaron stopped walking and turned her to face him. He looked in her eyes. "Cause every time I'm with you, I want to wrap your little legs around me and let you make me forget that I'm nothing but a drug dealing piece of shit. I don't like that."

Emma studied him for a moment. "You scare me too. When…you know…I want you to make me forget. Not with dope, but…"

Aaron nodded. "So…wanna' go at it again?"

Emma arched her brow suspiciously. "Go at it?"

Aaron laughed. "You know…try to make me a better man?" He shrugged. "I mean…what the hell? You did a damned good job at changing Cameron…and Alex…and Jay…"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Alex and Jay changed for themselves. And Sean? Yeah," she muttered angrily, rolling her eyes. "I changed him so good he dumped me and went to Ellie." She shook her head. "Ellie's the one that changed him. Not me."

Aaron shrugged. "So…got the balls to try to change me?"

Emma smirked and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I think we could give it a hell of a try."


	12. Chapter 12: I'll Whip Ya' Head, Boy

Chapter 12: I'll Whip Ya' Head, Boy

Emma slammed her locker shut, her mind on her talk with Aaron this morning. A warm feeling bubbled up inside her. _'Somebody…a guy…actually wants to be with me!' _she thought in amazement. She tried to remember feeling like this before, but quickly shook her head to clear images of the way her heart melted when Sean gave her his famous dimpled smile.

Still…she couldn't help remembering all the jealous looks and whispers. Emma hadn't been the only girl to want him to like her. She was just the only one that had been able to tear down the wall he'd built up around himself.

"Well, looky what we have here!"

Emma rolled her eyes at the sound of Peter's voice. She pulled her books tighter to herself and pushed past him.

"Hey, Chris!" Peter called out. Emma frowned, wondering when Chris had become Peter's friend. "Check it out! It's Emma Nelson…Ravine Whore turned Druggy Whore!"

Chris snickered and grabbed her. "Hiya' D.W.!"

Emma gasped in shock as he pushed her back to Peter. Peter laughed and caught her by the waist, pressing his lower body against her. He pulled two red bracelets from his pocket. "Hey, Ravine Girl. I don't have any dope, but I got you some pretty bracelets. So…how's about it?"

Fury bubbled inside of Emma as she heard the snickers and catcalls of the other students lingering in the halls. Shame swept through her, but she angrily tamped it down.

"Excuse me? You're calling _me _a whore? Who's the bastard who thought it would be funny to use me to get back at another girl who realizes what a piece of shit you are?" She frowned. "Oh…and just so you know…it's a little late for the red ones. I know you have a _little _trouble remembering…'little' being the operative word," she murmured as her eyes dropped to his jeans. She smirked. "But even back then you weren't the first, so…"

Peter shoved her back angrily. "You're trash. You know that, right?"

Emma nodded and walked away. "Yeah…and you're a lousy lay." She shrugged. "Get over it. I did."

Sean sat on the hard plastic chair in the small booth, listening to Tracker talk. "That's messed up, Man! She actually tried to off herself just because you caught her?"

Sean nodded, but then remembered he was on the phone. "Yeah. Well…Batey said it's common for her to do it every few months. So…maybe I was just her excuse."

Tracker sighed. "Sean, I think it's time we talked about getting you out of there. Dad's locked up for a while. You could go home and finish school."

Sean sighed. "I don't…I don't think I'm ready yet."

"Yeah? Well, what the hell would make you ready? Can you tell me that?"

"Why are you bitching at me?"

Tracker moaned in frustration. "Because Sean! You're just hiding out in there! The doctor and I think that if you'd just talk about that day-"

"You talked to my doctor behind my back? How shitty is that?"

"Lower your voice, Little Man," Tracker growled warningly.

Sean sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Fine. Whatever. If you think I'm ready, give the doc a call and get me out of here. Whatever."

"Good. Now that it's settled…"

Sean rolled his eyes, chewing absently at his nails, as he listened to Tracker talk.

Emma sat alone at lunch. She picked at her sandwich and frowned. The lunch lady screwed up her order, and Emma hadn't noticed until she took a bite of the pungent tuna sandwich. She spit it back into her tray, not bothering with discreetness, and stood up, tossing the sandwich in the nearest trashcan. She grabbed her bag and started to walk out when an odd feeling swept through her. She looked up to see who was staring. A smile spread across her face as she saw Aaron leaning against a random car watching her.

Emma gave him a small wave and he smirked and nodded. She glanced around to make sure no one was watching before hurrying across the street and leaping into his arms.

"You know…people are gonna' start to talk," he murmured with a chuckle as he turned, setting her on the hood of the car and kissing her.

Emma laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Fuck em'"

Aaron laughed and began kissing Emma's neck. "No, you won't. This time, you're all mine."

Emma pulled back and looked him in the eye seriously. "Really? You…you promise?"

Aaron nodded and hugged her. "Mmmmhmmm."

"Good cause…I…Aaron, I didn't like doing that stuff."

Aaron nodded. "I sorta' got that. Besides…you're clean, right?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah."

He began kissing her neck again and Emma giggled, wrapping her legs around him. He moaned. "Better stop that or you aint' gonna' make it back to class," he murmured as his teeth nipped at her ear.

"Emma Christine Nelson! You know you're not supposed to leave school property during lunch."

Aaron kissed her again as Emma pulled back, glaring at Snake. "Yeah, yeah. I'm going." She hopped off the car and kissed him again. "Bye," she murmured before crossing the street, Snake following closely behind.

"So, what? You move out of my house to…are you living with him, Emma? He's a thug!"

Emma rolled her eyes and kept walking. "You're not my dad, Arch. And I'm not living with him."

"So what are you-"

"Hoping to get laid…that's what I am," she said with a smirk and hurried off.

Sean sighed and hung up the phone. He left the booth just in time to see Charlie pacing around in a square nervously. Sean frowned, the illusion of Charlie blown all to hell. He was just faking. Just like Shanna. Just like Sean. He frowned and walked back to his room only to have Charlie follow behind.

"Hey, Sean."

He sighed again. "Hey, Charlie."

"Got something for you."

"Oh, yeah? Like what?"

Charlie held out a tightly folded piece of paper. Sean just sat there and frowned at the other boy's hand.

"It isn't going to bite."

"What is it?" Sean asked.

Charlie just shrugged and tossed the paper on the bed and walked out of the room. Sean stared at the paper with a frown on his face. Finally, he sighed and picked it up, unfolding it carefully. He smiled at the girlish handwriting.

"_Hey, Punk!_

_Just wanted to say that I'm still kickin' and you've only got two more days to enjoy a roommate free room before I come kick your sorry ass all over the place! _

_Your Roomy_

_PS Oh, yeah. Thanks for you know. Saving me and all."_

Sean grinned and closed the letter. He guessed that Shanna's little passing 'thank you' was the last he'd hear about that night. Unlike Emma, Shanna summed it up in a few brief words and would be finished with it. He sighed happily and lay back on the bed. Yeah…maybe this thing with Shanna would work out after all.

And now that his dad was gone…and Track was pushing him so hard to get out of here…maybe he could convince Shanna to let it all go and come with him.

Emma yawned lazily and kicked her feet up on the desk in front of her. Ms. Kwan frowned. "Miss Nelson? Your feet belong on the floor."

Emma shrugged, tipping her chair back on two legs in an obvious show of rebellion. She was aching for a cigarette! She smirked to herself as the image of her lighting up right here in front of Kwan floated to her mind.

Ms. Kwan sighed. "Emma…I'm not going to warn you again!"

Emma smiled wider and nodded. "Good."

There was an audible shocked murmur rippling through the tiny room. Ms. Kwan gave everyone a warning glare, effectively bringing them to silence. "OK, Miss Nelson," she muttered, slapping Emma's feet from the desk, which forced her chair back to all four legs. "You can join me in detention after school today."

"No thanks. I've got plans."

"Yes…and they now include two days of detention," Ms. Kwan challenged. "Now…wanna' make it three?"

Emma shrugged. "You can make it fifty…and I still won't be here."

"Well then…I guess you'd better go explain your reasoning to Ms. Hatzi-"

"Don't you mean Ms. Simpson? You can't expect me to believe you didn't know they were fucking like rabbits in the janitors' closet," she said with a vicious eye wiggle.

"Emma Nelson! When you are in my-"

Emma shrugged, standing up and grabbing her belongings. "How about I say it from the hallway?" she asked as she walked to the door. "Actually, I'll do you one better. How about I don't waste your time…and you can stop wasting mine?"

"So…good news?" Charlie asked quietly from the doorway.

Sean took off his headphones and lifted his head. He smirked, waving Charlie into the room and sat up. "Hey, Whoopy, Man! Come on in!"

Charlie smirked and rolled his eyes, but entered the room. "What's up?"

Sean shrugged. "Just chillin'…thinkin'…about shit. You?"

Charlie smirked. "Whoopin' it up…makin' a royal ass of myself," he said with a chuckle.

Sean studied the other boy, handing him his CD player. "So…you're sane. What the hell do you want to be hangin' out in this hell hole for?"

Charlie shrugged. "Three hots and a cot…without a criminal record."

Sean frowned. "You're homeless?"

Charlie rolled his eyes as if he thought Sean should get it. "No…I'm kickin' it here."

"Why? I mean…what was so bad at home?"

"What home? I'm a foster freak. Got accused of raping some girl in my old home." He shrugged. "I didn't. It was that perv we lived with. Him and his two _real _sons. But I was lucky enough to find her and try to help her."

"No shit?"

Charlie shook his head. "No shit. I was trying to wrap her in a blanket when she came to and freaked. The neighbor was just coming home from work and heard her screaming. She called the cops and they found me trying to quiet her down."

"Didn't you tell them?"

"You think they're gonna' believe a kid covered in a chick's blood when she's screaming like a fuckin' banshee?" He shook his head.

"Yeah, but she had to know…"

He shook his head again. "The room was painted black. The windows were black. One of them had snuck in while she was sleeping and busted the light bulb. She couldn't see a fucking thing." He cleared his throat and bit his bottom lip to stop the trembling. "That was…it was the most fucked up thing I'd ever seen."

"So, you played crazy?"

Charlie shook his head. "Not at first…at first I was a mess. But…after a while, they were going to send me to jail, and I didn't do anything but help her! I…I liked her, you know. She was pretty…and smart…and…and…and now she thinks I hurt her just because I told her she looked pretty one day!"

Emma strode down the hall past Mr. Armstrong's class. Peter happened to see her and asked to be excused. He snuck up behind her. "Hey. D.W.!"

Emma rolled her eyes and spun on him. "Hey, Tiny. What's up? Any reason you're bugging me?"

Peter shrugged. "Just wondered…" he murmured, getting that look on his face that Emma had once found charming…the casual smile. "I know I was being a jerk earlier-"

Emma shook her head. "Jerk? Try more like Grade A Prick Fuck."

Peter blanched. "OK. I deserved that. I just," he sighed and touched her arm lightly. "I wanna' give us another try,"

Emma smiled at him and looked happily into his eyes. "You mean it?"

He smiled and nodded. Emma leaned forward and whispered in his ear. Peter beamed. "Ten minutes? I can handle that!"

Emma smiled and nodded. "Good. Now…let me go freshen up."

Twenty minutes later, Emma emerged from the janitors' closet cackling with laughter as she looked at the picture she'd snapped on her camera phone. Peter trailed angrily after her.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked, zipping his pants. A moment later, Chris emerged.

"Emma…what are you gonna'-"

Emma laughed. "Don't worry, boys. Just a little insurance. You'll never crack on me or Alex anymore…right?"

The bell rang and Peter advanced on her just as the hall began filling with people. "Give me that, you little-"

Emma didn't give it a second thought. She grabbed his lower region and squeezed down hard making him yelp. "Gee…small as ever, huh, Little Man?"

Peter flushed angrily, but stayed silent until she let go and walked away, waving the phone above her head. "Thanks for the candid shot there, Boys," she called out.

"Emma Nelson! My office…now!"

Emma stopped with a frown. She turned angrily and came eye to eye with Hatzilakos. She glared at her for a moment before a smile spread across her face. "Oh, my pleasure," she muttered, following the woman.


	13. Chapter 13: Why Do You Want Him?

Chapter 13: Why Do You Want Him?

Aaron walked home with Emma. "I can't believe you waited all day for me!" she chuckled as she snatched his cigarette from his lips, taking a hit and handing it back.

"Emma? Emma!"

Emma rolled her eyes and turned back to look at Snake, who was running across the street after her. "Yeah, Arch?"

Snake stopped in front of her and eyed Aaron suspiciously. "I'd like to speak to my daughter alone."

Emma rolled her eyes again and held Aaron's hand tighter. "News flash, Archibald…I'm no longer your daughter. Jack's your kid. Not me. Oh! And the intimidation thing? You're pretty shitty at it."

"Young Lady…" he warned.

"Can you get to the point? Alex is sick and she asked me to get her some cold medicine on my way home."

Snake sighed, giving in. "About today…"

Emma shrugged. "It's over. I survived. I'm cool."

Aaron frowned. "What happened today?"

Emma shrugged. "Just Peter being Peter. Dick head to the extreme."

Archie cringed at Emma's use of language. He sighed. "Emma…you had no right to…grab his…and you're supposed to have detention for two weeks. Remember?"

Emma shrugged and turned away. "Tell your whore to go fuck herself…or go fuck you. Either way…maybe she'll chill."

Emma ignored Snake's calls and continued walking. Aaron followed with a frown. "What'd you grab?"

Emma laughed and rolled her eyes. "Nothing. And when I say that, I mean literally." She shrugged. "Paybacks are a bitch…and this bitch is just about ready to serve up some good old fashioned revenge." Emma flipped open her camera phone and showed Aaron the picture. He laughed.

"Yeah. I see what you mean. So…what are you up to?"

Emma smirked. "You can come over tonight and find out." She frowned. "I gave that fucker plenty of chances to act human towards me, but he didn't. Now…they're both gonna' find out what happens when you fuck with me."

Aaron frowned. "Wouldn't it just be easier if you let me go in there and bash their heads in?"

Emma shook her head. "Revenge…plain and simple. I'm going to fuck old Petey over the same way he fucked me over."

Aaron smirked. "You're hot when you're all psycho."

Emma smiled. "Guess I'd better take some courses on that…keep it fresh." She took his hand as they walked to the drug store.

Sean was sitting in bed listening to his headphones again when Nurse Batey tapped lightly on the door. Sean looked up and dropped the magazine he was reading to slip the earphones from his head. "Yeah?"

Nurse Batey glanced at her clipboard with a frown. "Doctor Evans said you're late."

Sean frowned and glanced at the clock on the wall. "No, I'm…" his frown grew as he looked at the second hand. "Damn! My clock isn't working!"

Nurse Batey frowned and looked up as Sean hurried to put his things away. "So it is. I'll get someone in to fix it while you're in therapy."

"Don't you mean group?"

Nurse Batey rolled her eyes. "Two of one…half dozen of the other," she muttered with a small smile.

Sean chuckled and nodded as he walked out of his room. "Sorry about that. I-"

She smiled. "Not your fault. Entirely the clock's fault."

Sean nodded again and waved at her as he hurried down the hall. He frowned. This was going to be tough. He was going to have to pretend that he wanted to go home. Sean couldn't ever remember wanting to go back to that trailer…ever. Now, he would have to put on the biggest show of his life. Not for himself…but Shanna needed the hope of stability, and Sean would soon be in the position to give her that.

Stability…a word that hadn't been in Sean's vocabulary much, but a word that he'd heard over and over again when Ellie would come home from group meeting after group meeting.

"_How was group?"_

"_Great! And it's all thanks to you. Nigel says that the stability you…your stability is helping my chaotic crap out a lot. Thanks."_

Sean smirked. Ellie had been the first person to ever call him stable. Tracker had called him hot headed. Emma had seen him as misguided. Ellie thought he was stable…as if she could possibly know what that meant. Even when her dad _was _home, he was still too busy to see how bad things were for Ellie and her mother.

He frowned as another thought occurred to him. Maybe Ellie's dad was well aware of how bad it was, and kept himself busy in hopes that Ellie would gain the strength to do the same. Maybe he couldn't handle watching the destruction of Mrs. Nash.

"Emma? That you?" Alex called from the bedroom as Emma stepped through the front door. She looked back at Aaron and smiled, rolling her eyes.

"Come on in. I'll be right back," she murmured softly before going into her room.

"Hey, Emma…Jay wanted me to tell you he's sorry. He had a flat this morning, and he's still trying to scrape up the cash to get it patched," Alex muttered before a sneezing fit took hold.

Emma shook her head. "No problem. Now…" she said, pulling two boxes from the small paper bag in her hands. "I got Nyquil and Dayquil…just like you wanted."

Alex grinned and hugged her. "You are such a lifesaver! Thanks!"

Emma laughed. "Now…which one do you want? I'll put the other one in the-"

Alex shook her head. "That's OK. I'll put it in the medicine cabinet," she said, grabbing the Dayquil and popping two of the orange gel pills from the bubble packaging.

"Oh! I thought…"

Alex shrugged. "Meery called. Bobsy twins bailed, and they need me to cover."

"But you're sick!"

Alex nodded. "Yeah, but if I wanna' make rent then I'm also working."

Emma sighed. "OK…I'll get you some juice."

Alex smiled as she grabbed her uniform for work. "Thanks. I swear…next time you're sick, I'll hire a nurse…since you know how bad my bedside manner sucks."

Emma laughed and went into the kitchen to grab Alex a glass of juice. She frowned when she saw that Aaron was gone. Emma sighed sadly and went back to Alex.

"Hey! What's wrong?" she asked as she popped the pills into her mouth and took a swig of apple juice.

Emma shrugged. "Nothing. I was…I was just thinking that I should run to the market and grab you some orange juice."

Alex frowned, shaking her head. "No…this will be fine."

"But orange juice is the best juice for colds," she said with a shrug. "Something about more vitamin C or something. Plus…I'm sure you could use some Echinacea. It's good for-"

Alex frowned and rolled her eyes. "Uh-oh…going all Tree Hugger on me again?"

Emma laughed and rolled her eyes. "Definitely not! I just…I'm sure I'll be needing the stuff soon. It's an age old remedy…clears colds up faster."

Alex laughed and rolled her eyes. "OK…OK…go ahead. I'll be home from work about ten tonight. OK?"

Emma nodded. "Sure. So, do you want me to make dinner, or-"

"What the hell?" Alex asked as she entered the living room. "Aaron? Emma…what is he doing here? You aren't seriously thinking about-"

"Alex, I was going to tell you, but I guess I got distracted."

"So, what? He says a few nice things, and you're ready to jump back into all that shit?"

Aaron frowned. "Alex, it's none of your-"

Alex snorted and rolled her eyes. "You're right. It's none of my business. But let me tell you something, Aaron. You get her back into that shit, and you _both _can leave because I don't need all that shit around me again."

"Alex, I promise-" but Emma's words were cut off by Alex slamming the door behind her.

Emma shrugged and rolled her eyes. "She'll get over it. Do you wanna' come with me to the market?"

Aaron shrugged. "Cool with me."

Emma smiled. "Great. Let's go." She frowned as they walked out the front door. "Where'd you go a few minutes ago?"

Aaron shrugged. "Thought I heard something…just a cat."

Sean stared out the window from the group therapy room. He watched a butterfly flitting along on the breeze. A small smile played on his lips.

"Something on your mind, Sean?" Doctor Evans asked.

Sean turned his head to the thin, gray haired man who wore tiny rectangular wire framed glasses, but his eyes never left the butterfly. "Hmmm? Ummm…no. Just…admiring nature."

Mr. Evans studied him for a moment before clearing his throat. "I'm sorry, Sean…but this is really important. Jamie was just talking about her ordeal…"

Sean sighed with a frown and turned around to the group. "Sorry. G-Go ahead, Jamie."

Jamie glared at him and flicked her unnaturally black hair over her shoulder. Sean watched as the sun hit it, giving it an odd purple aura. He wondered if she knew that. Had she chosen that color on purpose? Jamie sighed and snapped her gum a few times before continuing.

"Anyway…you know…after mom left…" she rolled her eyes. "God! That was such a mess! I kept hoping and praying that she'd come back if I was just a better kid. I kept thinking that, maybe if I got better grades…showed an interest in graduating school and preparing for college-"

Sean snorted and rolled his eyes. "Take it from me…that shit don't pay off. All it gets you is fried brain cells and bruised ribs."

"Sean…"

Her eyes snapped to him angrily. "How would you know?" she hissed. "You don't know me…you have no idea-"

Sean rolled his eyes. "Lemme guess. Bad girl? Gee…_that's _original! I mean…what the hell?" he asked with a nonchalant shrug. "You act like an ass, and figure that's why Mommy Dearest left, right?"

Jamie glared at him, rage flowing through her. "OK…since you're so good at reading people, then how about you tell me. Why did she leave if it wasn't because I was being stupid?"

Sean shrugged and tipped his chair back on two legs. He smirked. "My guess is she was getting boned by her boss…or maybe the milkman."

Jamie paled and sat back, fiddling with her sleeve as she searched silently for the green rubber band. Sean snorted with laughter. "And I'd also guess that, when the good girl act didn't pan out, you went straight for the troubled girl routine. Cutting? Who gave you that idea?"

"Sean! Jamie! I think-"

Jamie sighed. "My brother, OK? He told me about a classmate who started cutting herself when her parents got divorced. But the problem is that Mom found out, and instead of coming back, she fought for custody, and then stuck me in this dump!"

Sean nodded and smiled at her sadly. "Yeah. I figured that." He sighed. "Look. I don't mean to be an asshole here, but my ex was a cutter. All it brings is grief. You just need to go home and deal. Mommy aint' coming home for a big family reunion."

Jamie nodded and dropped her eyes. "I…I know…" she whispered sadly.

Jay was surprised to walk into Alex and Emma's…only to find Emma snuggled against Aaron's chest. They were both sleeping peacefully, a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table by Aaron's feet. Jay frowned at the sight. He strode over angrily and yanked Emma up.

"What the-" Aaron jumped up in shock. He frowned at the scene before him. "Jay? What the hell?"

Emma tugged at her arm. "Let go, Jay! What the hell's the idea?"

Jay drug her into the bedroom and slammed the door. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Emma yanked her arm away from Jay and stepped back. "Well, I _was _sleeping peacefully next to my boyfriend before you came in here acting all macho!"

He shook his head in disbelief. "Uh-uh! No way! No way in hell are you-"

"Shut up, Jay! He's different! He…he wants to change."

"And you believe him?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah. I do."

Jay sighed and rolled his eyes. "If he…if you…one fucking bracelet of any color crosses your wrist and I swear to God I'll kill him!"

Emma studied him for a moment before smiling. Soon, she crossed the room and hugged him tightly, laughing. "Jay…trust me, OK? You don't have to be all brotherly. But…you can join us for the movie if you want to see it for your own eyes."

"Maybe I will."

Emma nodded. She frowned. "He didn't try…he didn't even ask for back together sex! He's really different. He promised…that he'd never ask me to…to earn bracelets anymore. I think he really likes me, OK? I just…I miss being liked."

Jay sighed and hugged her. "Why? Why do you want him so bad?"

Emma shrugged and hugged him back. "Because…he wants me," she whispered into his chest.


	14. Chapter 14: Because I Got High

Chapter 14: Because I Got High

Sean awoke to feminine giggles. He frowned and opened his eyes, burrowing his knuckles into them to remove the last vestiges of sleep. "Shanny?" he asked in surprise as she jumped into bed with him."

"Hey you!" she said.

He grinned and hugged her tightly. "I thought you weren't coming back until-"

"I got paroled. Doc Evans said that he felt I could be trusted…as long as you stick close by."

He smiled. "I think I can manage that." His smile slipped into a frown. "But…why does he trust me so much?"

She shrugged. "Don't know. You must have made an impression in group yesterday. But I don't care!" She hugged him tightly again. "I missed you so much!"

He laughed. "I missed you too. I didn't realize how there's nothing to do in this place without you chattering like a maniac…errr…poor choice of words."

Shanna laughed. "No…I think they fit perfectly. Oh! I thought you should meet someone. Sean…this is Kim. Kim…this is my best friend Sean."

Kim smiled at him. She touched her hair shyly. "I know what you're thinking. Pink hair, right?"

Sean smiled and shook his head. "Nope. Was thinking that you look like someone I know…well, minus the hair."

Shanna pouted. "Someone you know, huh? How long? Should I be worried?"

Sean laughed and pulled her against his chest. "Nah…Paige was…well, she was just Paige."

Emma snapped awake with a frown. She sat up quickly, despite the screaming of her muscles. Someone stirred next to her. "Hey," he mumbled softly, stretching and yawning.

Emma smiled and laid her head on his shoulder. "Hey, you."

Aaron frowned, looking around. "Where's our babysitter?"

Emma looked around the room and shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe he got tired of watching us sleep and left."

"Can you two hold it down in there?" Alex called from the bedroom. "We're trying to sleep, dammit!"

Emma and Aaron looked at each other and laughed. "Guess that answers _that _question!"

Aaron wiggled his brows. "So…since they're sleeping…"

Emma grinned. "Yeah?"

"Wanna'…you know…make out?"

Emma chuckled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I thought you'd never ask!"

"OK!" Alex called out. "I am now officially gonna' barf! Get a room!"

Emma and Aaron burst into hysterics. "Well, we would, but you're using it!" Emma called back with a snort. "You plannin' on getting out of it anytime soon?"

"Nope! Sorry! You snooze…you lose!" Jay called back.

Emma snickered. "Yeah. Thought as much!"

Aaron smiled and touched her cheek with his thumb as she lay beneath him on the couch. "Since when have you been so…gritty?"

Emma just smiled softly as she pulled his lips to hers.

A few moments later, Alex and Jay walked out. Alex rolled her eyes and made a gagging face. "Gross, guys. I have to sit on that couch!"

Aaron laughed. "Tough. We tried to get you out of the bed ten minutes ago."

Alex opened her mouth to say something, but snapped it back closed with a frown when there was pounding on the door. "What the hell?" she muttered as she strode to the door. The pounding continued and she yelled out. "Shit, Man! Hold on! Are you trying to wake up the whole fucking neighborhood?"

She barely had the door cracked when she was shoved back forcefully, nearly hitting the wall. A blonde boy strode in…his pale skin red with rage. "Where the fuck is that little bitch?" he shouted angrily.

Sean, Shanna, and Kim sat on his bed talking. "So, Kim…what brought you here…if you don't mind my asking?"

She shook her head, still smiling shyly. "I'm…weight issues."

Sean frowned. The girl was as skinny as Emma! "Huh?"

Kim sighed and started again. "I'm bulimic."

"But why? You're so…so thin! Any girl would kill to have a body like yours!"

She blushed. "That's what you think! Have you _looked _at my thighs? And my hips are horrendous!"

Shanna giggled and rolled her eyes. "Hey, Kimmy! Show him the picture!"

"I don't think he-"

"Come on…he's great! He won't laugh…not much." She turned to Sean as Kim rummaged in her shoe for the photo. "You should see this picture, Sean! She was a whale!"

"Was?" Kim asked, glancing up from her task.

Sean frowned in distaste. "I doubt she was that big," he muttered, suddenly irritated with Shanna's rudeness.

Finally Kim produced a picture and Sean studied it for a moment. Finally, he shrugged and handed it back. "I went to school with a girl back in Toronto who was this size…she modeled."

"No way!" Kim shrieked in disbelief.

Sean nodded. "Yeah. She did. Her face is still on that billboard right as you hit Wasaga."

"Oh, it is not!" Shanna teased. "You couldn't know-"

Sean nodded, a grin of satisfaction spreading across his face. "Terri MacGreggor. Funny, sweet, and pleasantly plump. So what? She was still pretty. And besides," he said with a shrug. "Even if she _was _ugly, which she wasn't, she had a good heart."

Kim frowned. "You talk about her like she's dead!"

Sean shook his head. "Nope. Last I heard, she was alive and well. No thanks to Rick."

"Rick?"

"The guy that went psycho and shot up the school," Shanna piped. "Sean saved the love of his life that day."

Kim's eyes widened in shock. "That was you?"

Shanna nodded happily. "Yeah. He's a hero! Twice over."

Sean shook his head with a frown. "No…I killed him. And as for you," he said, shoving Shanna a bit. "You ever pull a stupid stunt like that, and scare the hell out of me again, I'll never speak to you again."

Sean shuddered as both girls looked at him in awe. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not a fucking hero!" He wanted to find something…anything…to change the topic away from him. "Kim? Why are you so down on yourself?"

Kim's eyes dropped to the bed sheet sadly. "I…I'm fat."

He shook his head and touched her hand. "No. You're not. You're skin and bones."

"No!" she said, snatching her hand back as if she'd just touched fire. She shook her head angrily as tears cascaded down her cheeks. "No, I'm not! Ray says so!"

"Who the hell is Ray?"

Aaron jumped up quickly in confusion. Emma started to stand, but the boy was too fast. He lunged, knocking her back onto the couch, swinging wildly. "You fucking cunt! You whore! You showed my mom?"

Aaron snatched the boy away, angrily tossing him against the wall and grabbing him by the throat. "What the fuck is your malfunction, Dude?" he asked as he lifted Peter from the floor by his throat.

Alex rushed over to check on Emma, who was sitting there, dazed. The fight continued in the background. Jay tried to find out what was going on.

"Aaron! Let up, Man! Don't kill him yet!"

"Fuck off, Jay! This little bastard's-"

"The son of my principal, Aaron. Put him down," Emma muttered from the couch.

Aaron tightened his grip for a moment, watching Peter's eyes roll back in his head before Emma shouted, "Now!" He glared at the boy and eased his grip.

Peter tried to bolt, but he was trapped between Jay and Aaron. He finally began to realize his mistake, and started looking around like a scared rabbit. Emma stood and walked over.

"You think me telling your mom was bad? Just wait until you see the _real _fireworks, Asshole!" she hissed before spitting in his face. Aaron dropped his hold and Peter bolted out the front door.

Alex and Jay looked suspiciously between Aaron and Emma. Aaron sighed, shaking with rage, as Emma fell into his arms. "Did he hurt you?" he asked her quietly. She shook her head.

"Just startled me a bit."

"OK…what am I missing?" Alex asked. "What the hell happened yesterday? Start from the beginning…and you only have an hour before we have to be in school, so make it quick!"

"Ray is…was my boyfriend," Kim sniffed sadly. "He broke up with me after my parents made me come here."

Sean thought of Emma. "I'm sure, if he loved you, he'll-"

Kim shook her head, sniffling harder. "He came to visit me a couple of months ago. He said I was getting fat again, and that he had a reputation to keep."

Shanna nodded, finishing for the other girl, whose voice had become to wobbly to continue. "He said that if she gained so much more as one ounce, it was over."

Kim nodded, finally bursting into tears. "I gained five pounds in the last two weeks!"

Sean watched in horror as the girl sagged in grief. Shanna rolled her eyes and smirked. Finally, Sean turned angrily on Shanna. "I thought you were her friend!"

Shanna frowned and nodded. "Yeah. So?"

He sighed angrily and hugged Kim, rubbing her back to comfort her. "Some friend!" he growled at Shanna. "Why don't you go find someone who is as heartless as you?"

Shanna gaped at him in surprise. Her lips snapped shut. "What's your problem?" she hissed. "We're just having fun!"

"Fun?" he asked in wide-eyed disbelief. "You call this fun? How is it fun to watch your friend deal with this shit?" He hugged Kim harder. "Kim? It's…it's OK," he murmured. "That Ray guy is an asshole. Someday you'll find someone who-"

Kim shook her head sharply. "No! Ray says that no one else wants me! Who the hell would want a beached whale?"

Sean sighed and took her shoulders, forcing her to look in his eyes. "Hey! I'm a guy, right?" She nodded. "Yeah…and I think you're pretty."

"Y-You do?" she whispered.

Sean smiled. "Yeah. How about we go to breakfast? I hear if we get there soon enough, you can get chocolate cake. I _love _chocolate cake!"

Kim laughed and rolled her eyes as she wiped her cheeks. "Chocolate cake? For breakfast?"

Sean nodded and slung a friendly shoulder over her shoulders. "Why not? A friend once said that chocolate tastes like happy. I figured that we could use all the happy we can get in a place like this!"

Kim chuckled and laid her head on Sean's shoulder as he led her out. Shanna followed behind.

"Emma…you're lip's bleeding," Aaron told her.

"Oh! Really? I hadn't noticed."

"I'll get you some ice," Alex said, standing up.

Aaron lifted her chin carefully, inspecting her face for more injuries. "I think that's all. Did he hit you anywhere else?"

Emma shrugged. "Maybe my shoulder. But I'm fine. Really."

After cleaning Emma's lip and making sure she didn't need stitches. "Everything looks OK," Aaron said, kissing her cheek lightly.

Alex nodded. "I guess we should get to school then," she said, handing Emma the ice pack.

Emma and Alex piled into Jay's car as Aaron walked down the street towards his house. Once they were on the road, Alex frowned. "You really sent that out?"

Emma nodded and grinned, wincing in pain as the cut in her lip split back open. She pressed the ice pack over it again and mumbled, "Yeah. I did. I set it up on a timer. It should hit everyone's mailbox fourth period."

Alex rolled her eyes, trying to be stern. Deep down, though, she wanted to laugh at Emma's spunk. "You know you just opened yourself up for a world of shit, right?"

Emma nodded again. "Oh, yeah. And I'm taking Peter and Chris right along with me."

**Hey, all! Just wanted to let you know about a new story I'm working on here called "Caught Up In Ancient History" (thanks for the awesome title, Jen!). It's here in the M section, if you'd like to take a look! Thanks!**


	15. Chapter 15: My Own Worst Enemy

Chapter 15: My Own Worst Enemy

Emma sat in Independent Study, tapping her pencil nervously as she watched the clock. "Three…two…one…" she whispered to herself. She heard the first computer beep. She smirked, wincing at the pain in her lip. "Blast off!"

Computers all over the room began beeping. Snickers began to fill the room.

Manny was sitting in the library when her cell phone beeped. She frowned as she opened it and did not recognize the text message sender's number.

"_Go to the M.I. room. Something you want to see."_

Manny sighed and frowned, rolling her eyes. "What the hell?" she muttered in boredom. She walked into the computer lab just as another text message popped up.

"_Open email with subject 'Women Scorned'. It's a real eye opener."_

'_What the hell is this?'_ she thought as she sat down. _'If someone's trying to send me a virus…'_ She was so deep in thought she didn't hear the snickers become full blown laughter. Her eyes widened in surprise as the email loaded onto her screen.

"So, Kim. What did you do for fun before you got here?" Sean asked as they nibbled on a shared piece of cake.

Kim smiled softly, her eyes glazing over with nostalgia. "Horse back riding," she murmured so softly that Sean almost missed it.

"I've never tried that before. Closest I've ever come is riding motorcycles."

"Oh! You should try it sometime! It's…it's…it's the freest feeling in the world!"

Sean chuckled and nodded. "Tell you what. When we get out of here, you can show me how to ride a horse…_if _you let me take you on a motorcycle ride."

Kim blushed. "I'd break-"

Sean frowned at her. "If you say you'll break my seat, or any other part of my bike," he said sternly, "I'll shove this cake right up your nose!"

Kim looked surprised for a minute before her face crinkled into a smile. Soon, she was laughing, and Sean chuckled. "It's a deal," she promised between giggles.

Kim suddenly frowned. She looked around in surprise. "Where's Shanna?"

Sean looked around with a frown. He shrugged. "I aint' got a clue. Want another bite of cake?"

Kim smiled nervously. "I'm going to gain-"

"What? An ounce?" Sean shrugged. "So what? I never got that whole stick thin thing. Who wants to look like they're dying from some third world disease?"

Kim rolled her eyes as she nibbled at a bite that he'd passed over on his fork. "You think you're smooth, don't you?" she asked with a smile.

"Hey!" he replied with a smirk. "You've got a crush on me, don't you?"

She laughed and playfully slapped his arm. "You wish!"

Sean grinned. "Want another bite?"

Within moments of the photos loading, Manny was laughing hysterically. She looked over at Emma, who was wearing a smirk and Emma nodded in her direction before turning away. Manny stared back down at the photos.

Photo one…Chris and Peter with their pants around their ankles, standing strangely close and facing each other. Anyone looking might think they were getting ready to kiss! Photo two…the picture that Emma and Manny had taken together on the day they'd planned that stupid Double 'O' Seven prank. Photo three…Emma sitting on a couch that Manny didn't recognize. She had her legs kicked up and crossed at the ankles on top of a coffee table. In one hand, she held a bottle of beer. A cigarette hung lazily in between her lips, and the smoke had curled up, forcing one eye to close. Her other hand was flipping off the camera. In the caption, it read, _"Don't worry, Santos. The second pic isn't on anyone else's email…so you're off the hook. I'll defrag after class…Archie's NOTHING if not predictable with his lame ass punishment, right?"_

Manny couldn't help but wonder why Emma had done something so nice for her when she'd been so crummy to her.

Suddenly, Ms. Hatzilakos's voice came over the PA system, nearly inaudible over the snickers, laughs, and cat calls as Peter rushed down the hall past the room.

"_I need Emma Nelson in my office immediately! Emma Nelson!"_

Emma stood up with a smirk on her face. She walked over to Manny's computer, tapped some keys, whispered, "Don't worry. I sent them to your home account," and walked off. Manny turned back to the screen in shock as she watched it begin to do something called "Eraser D". Manny realized in surprise that Emma had just begun a program to wipe all the files clean and overwrite them so that no one could access the photos in the temp files. Now, there was no proof that Manny had ever been involved in any scheme with Emma…ever.

Suddenly, sadness washed over her as she realized that she and Emma wouldn't be involved in any harebrained schemes anymore…ever.

"Oh!" Kim gasped, looking down at her watch. "I've got counseling in about five minutes."

Sean nodded and stood, picking up the two empty cakes plates. He tried to hide a happy smile at the thought that they'd actually gone back for seconds, and Kim hadn't complained about her weight once during the whole second piece. He set the plates on the pick up tray and walked over. "Evans?" She nodded. He smiled. "I'll walk with you. It's on my way back to my room…and on the way, you can tell me about all your pets."

Her eyes lit up. "Oh! I've got this puppy. She's a chocolate lab, and her name's Cocoa Puff!" She smirked. "Not real original, I know…"

"I wouldn't exactly call it original, but I had a dog once…the last time I lived in Wasaga. He was a Cocker Spaniel named Charlie. I had to leave him behind when I moved to Toronto. Dad said that he got hit by a car a week later. But…who knows? He could have shot him or something." He shrugged. "Who knows? Dad was drinking pretty heavy at the time."

"Oh!" Kim mumbled sadly. "I'm sorry."

Sean shrugged. "Me too. I'm sorry I didn't take him to the pound. He'd have had a better chance there. Hell, he'd have been better off living in the streets and hunting scraps."

Kim nodded with a small smile. "If I'd have known you back then, I'd have offered to take him in for you."

Sean smiled. "That's sweet. But back then, I was more into…ummm…girls who weren't exactly…"

"Chubby?"

He shook his head. "Nice. I liked the 'Girl Interrupted'…Angelina Jolie thing."

Kim laughed. "Ummm…this is it. I'll…I'll see you around."

Sean smiled. "You bet you will. I still want to hear about the rest of your pets."

She walked inside and Sean continued walking to his room. When he got there, he was surprised to see that Shanna wasn't there. Instead, Charlie was sitting on the desk across from Sean's bed.

"Whoopy!" he said with a smile.

Alex paced back in forth in front of the school. Where was she?

"H-hey, Alex?"

Alex turned with a frown at Manny's timid voice. If she weren't so worried about Emma at the moment, she might have taken the time to be amused by the other girl's obvious fear. "What is it, Santos?"

"Uhhh…Emma…is Em…is she OK?"

Alex's frown grew. "How the hell should I know? She's in your class…not mine!"

"Yeah, but…but she hasn't been in class since Hatzilakos called her to the office during Independent Study."

"Oh, hell!" Alex groused as she began storming down the street.

Manny clutched her books to her chest as she followed behind. "Is she…I mean…does she like living with you?"

Alex arched her brow and spun on Manny. "What's it matter to you? Huh?"

"She's-"

"What? Your friend? No…really. I mean…you shit on her for dating Peter…just cause you couldn't keep your top on, and now you expect me to give you the low down on how she is? Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"I can't! I…I don't know what to say!"

Alex shrugged. "Yeah. Sorta' got that. You never seem to know what to say unless it's something to get a guy to get you knocked up, right?"

Manny stepped back as if she'd been slapped. Tears burned in her eyes as she watched Alex turn away again. Something inside Manny snapped. She stood up straighter. "Fuck you, Alex Nunez!"

Alex spun around with a tiny smirk. "Already did that over the phone a while back, Darlin'. Have to admit, the little sighs and squeals? Kind of hot…even for you."

Manny's mouth snapped closed as her skin paled. Suddenly fury filled her and she walked up and slapped Alex in the face. Alex smirked.

"What's the matter? Afraid your secret will get out? That you're a closet kinky bitch?" Alex shook her head and chuckled. "Don't worry. I wouldn't want to trash my rep by letting anyone find out." She turned and strode off.

After a moment, Manny followed, not ready to give up. "What the hell's your problem, Alex? Seriously. You think you're better than everybody…you trash us…is it just to make yourself feel better?"

Alex shrugged.

Manny nodded. "Yeah. That must be what it is. Cause you and your little scumbag boyfriend don't seem to like anyone until they stumble and fall on their face! Well…what about me, huh? Do you think I feel good about what I did with Craig while he was with Ash? You act like Ashley's the only one who lost something. She wasn't, you know. All she lost was Craig. I lost Craig…AND a baby, dammit!"

Alex's steps faltered a bit, but she shook it off and continued. "And that little Spinner thing? I'm not proud of it. It was a competition…and I won. So what?"

Alex chuckled. "See? Now that's your problem. You seem to think that making mistakes makes you human. The problem is that you never seem to learn from them. You're nothing but Degrassi's broken record. 'Oh, poor me!' Yeah? Well, what about Emma? She cut her wrists because she couldn't deal with everything going on in her life because her best friend took a healthy dump on her."

"It was a mistake!"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. Like I said. You never learn from your mistakes." Alex rushed off before Manny could reply.

"So, Charlie. What's up?"

Charlie looked around nervously. "That…stuff I told you…you're not-"

Sean smiled and waved off the rest of his words. "Better than just being a kept secret…it's already forgotten. At least when I'm around people who can get you busted."

Charlie stared at the door. "Even Shanna?" he whispered.

"Shanna? Why would you worry-"

"It's not that I don't trust her. It's just…like yesterday, she was downstairs. Tessa and Tina were discharged."

"Tessa and Tina?"

Charlie nodded. "Yeah. They were molestation victims when they were young. Their uncle. Anyway, after their folks were killed, their uncle was their only option. They made a suicide pact." He shrugged. "What I'm saying is that…it seems like every time she gets put downstairs, another person who isn't ready seems to be discharged. Four out of the nine have already committed suicide, and two are in the youth detention center. They got busted to get out of their situations."

"And you think Shanny is involved?"

Charlie shrugged. "Not saying she is or she isn't. Just saying it's weird is all." He sighed. "I sort of…I let her know that I'd caught you two in the woods the other day…kind of my way of insurance to stay. But now…now I wish I hadn't. She can be pretty conniving…and besides…you're cool. I wouldn't out you just to save my ass. And that sucks."

Sean nodded. "Look. I'll talk to her…and kind of try to get a feel for what's going on in her head without her getting suspicious, OK?"

Charlie looked relieved. He stood up and shook Sean's hand in the 'guy shake'. "Thanks, Man."

"No problem."

After Charlie left, Sean got up and went for a walk. He was just returning when he bumped into Kim. "Hey! How was counseling?" he asked as he casually strolled up to her.

Kim beamed. "It was…OK," she murmured, blushing softly.

Sean noticed and chuckled. "Kim? Are you OK?"

"I…uhhhh…I mean…ummm…yeah," she stammered as her blush deepened.

Sean decided to let her off the hook. "Hey! I was wondering if you want to join me and Shanny…you know…for supper. It's not a huge deal or anything…of course, but-"

She chuckled. "Sounds like fun. I'll meet you guys outside your room at suppertime."

Sean smiled. "Great. See you then," he said as Kim waved and turned to go into her own room.

When he got to his room, he was shocked at its state. "What the fuck?" he muttered as he looked around at his notebook pages strewn across the room. The clothes he'd been brought into the hospital in were shredded. His CD player lay shattered on the floor. CDs were smashed and flung everywhere. He knelt down, his rage rising. He knew who had done it. Shanna. The only thing missing was his hoody. His beany was the only article of clothing not ripped up.

"What the hell?" came a feminine gasp over his shoulder. "Sean? Are you crazy?" she asked.

Sean looked up in confusion. "You…you didn't trash my stuff?"

Shanna's face reddened. "Why would you think that?" she hissed.

Sean shrugged and stood up. "I don't know. I just…I guess I thought that since you were the only one who knew where I hid my bag-"

Tears sprang to her eyes. "You thought I did it! Nice! Sean…I only took the hoody that once because…I wanted you to…to like me in it…the fantasy was a turn on!"

He shook his head as he stared up at the empty space on the wall that had once contained the clock, which now lay at Sean's feet, in about ten pieces. He sighed. "Can you call the nurse? No sense in us getting blamed for this."

"Why not? You already blamed me!" she huffed, but hit the nurse's call button anyway.

"Shanny! I just…my stuff's trashed! And your half of the room is probably pristine, dammit! What would you think if the roles were reversed?"

Shanna shook her head sadly. "I don't know…but I wouldn't blame you," she mumbled angrily as she threw back the curtain to her room. Her gasp caused Sean to look up. She spun on him angrily, tears in her eyes. "Guess that blows your theory all to shit and back, doesn't it?" she asked harshly as she turned back to her room, which was in the same state as his.

She plopped sadly on the bed, tears spilling down her cheeks as she stared blankly at the TV, which no longer contained a screen. "Who the hell would do this?"


	16. Chapter 16: High All The Time

Chapter 16: High All The Time

Alex rushed into the apartment. "Emma? Em?" she called out, going from room to room. "Hey! Cause Girl? You here?"

The bedroom door opened, and Emma walked out. She was wearing an old battered pair of blue jeans that looked as if they had been run over by rush hour traffic…before they had been thrown into a washing machine full of marbleizing paint. Her tank top wasn't in much better condition. Alex frowned. "Hey! I heard you didn't finish out the day after Hot Sauce called you to the office…"

Emma shook her head and chuckled. "Nope! Can't exactly go back to class for two weeks."

"What? That bitch suspended you for doing the same thing her shit head son did?"

Emma nodded with a smirk as she plopped down on the sofa. "Yeah…seems that Degrassi has just _now _instated a zero tolerance policy on _that _too!"

Alex snorted, rolling her eyes, and plopping next to her. "Bullshit!" she hissed angrily. "Fucking bitch! What a bitch!" she ranted. "Don't worry, Emma. Tomorrow, I'll talk to Marco, and we'll figure out a way to get you back into-"

Emma hugged her. "Thanks, but…I think I need the break anyway."

Alex slumped back, crossing her arms angrily. "Fine! But I swear to God, if _you're _going down for this shit, then so is he! I think I still got that email in my school account. I hid it…a little extra insurance in case Princess decided to get a little too high and mighty…I'll just send it straight to the school board. Then they'll be forced to suspend that little shit too!"

Emma's eyes widened. "Don't you dare!" she gasped, but laughed to let Alex know it wasn't that huge of a deal. "Then he'll be over here bugging me night and day!"

Alex sighed angrily. "Fine, but…you can't make me promise not to make his life hell for the next few weeks…" she shrugged and smirked. "Or lifetimes…whichever I deem necessary."

Emma laughed and hugged her again. "Hell, Lex! You know…you're my total best friend! I don't even think Manny would have gone that far for me!"

Alex smiled. "Hey! Manny and me? Like apples and oranges."

Emma nodded. "Hey! So…Aaron's friend Dogg is having a party-"

"Dogg? As in Dave Grogan?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah. Wanna' come?"

Alex shook her head. "I'd like to, but I have to work tonight."

"Oh."

Alex frowned. "Just…if you go…be careful, OK? We don't know how many of Teddy's friends hang out with him."

Emma nodded. "I know. I'll stick with Aaron, and I'll keep my phone ready, just in case."

Alex nodded and sighed. "OK. You do that."

Sean stopped by Kim's room and knocked on the door. "Come in," she called out softly.

He smiled. "Hey, Kim! You ready for-" his smile dropped as he saw her laying in bed, her face red and puffy from crying. He sat on the edge of her bed. "You OK?"

She sniffled and shook her head.

Sean slowly rubbed her back. "What's wrong?"

"H-he c-c-called me a f-fat loser!" she wailed.

Sean's frown deepened. "Who?"

"Ray! He said…he said…he didn't want to be with me anymore…cause screwing me was like…like trying to f-f-fuck a beached whale!" she sobbed.

Sean sighed and rolled his eyes as he lay next to her, looking her in the eyes. "You're better off without him," he murmured, a slow smirk spreading across his lips. "I mean…who in the hell wants to be with somebody who's screwed a beached whale?" She chuckled softly through her tears, making Sean's smile grow. He tried to sound serious. "No…seriously. I mean…isn't that like animal cruelty or something?"

She giggled. "Stop!"

He shook his head. "Really. Give me the bastard's last name. I'm calling the animal rights people cause whales have a right to beach themselves wherever the hell they want without having some freak coming along and poking their holes!"

By now, Kim's giggles had become full blown laughter. She slapped his shoulder playfully as she sat up. "Stop it before I pee my pants!"

Sean sat up next to her and grinned. "Feel better?"

She smiled and hugged him tightly. "Yeah. Thanks to you."

He hugged her back and stood up, offering her his hand. "Come on. I'm hungry."

Kim smiled and took his hand, following him out of the room. "Have you always been so funny? I mean…I'll bet your friends loved having you around in a crisis!"

Sean dropped his head, a sad smile on his face as he thought of the pain he'd caused Emma by not standing by her when Snake was so sick. "No. I used to…I used to hide from my pain. I was so mad all the time that I didn't have time to worry about everybody else."

Kim frowned. "But…you seem so good at it!"

Sean smiled and squeezed her hand. "I guess you just bring the nice guy out of me. But we have to be careful to keep on schedule. If I'm so much as one minute late with my feeding…the butt head breaks free from his cage!"

Kim laughed again and pulled him. "Better hurry up then!"

Sean smiled and let her drag him. "Now you're getting it!" he said with a chuckle.

Emma slid on her black leather jacket just as the doorbell rang. She hurried over and answered the door, grinning and jumping into Aaron's arms. They began kissing as she wrapped her legs around him.

He laughed after a moment. "Hey, Baby. Ready?"

"Yep."

Twenty minutes later, they were at Dogg's house dancing. People kept coming over and greeting them, and Emma and Aaron both began to relax.

"You look hot tonight," he murmured in her ear.

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Want something to drink?" he asked.

She nodded and Aaron left her on the edge of the dance floor. Emma grinned as she watched all the couples dancing, happy because she once again had someone to dance with.

"Hey," someone said, tapping her shoulder. She turned with a frown. "Aaron wanted me to give this to you."

Emma frowned at the bottle of beer. "Ummm…thanks," she mumbled and took it, taking a sip. As soon as the person was out of sight, she strolled away, finding the kitchen and spitting the sip into the sink. She rolled her eyes. How stupid did these guys think she was?

Aaron walked into the kitchen. "Emma? You OK?"

She nodded and smiled, setting the bottle on the table as she took the two bottles of beer and set them on the counter. "We're alone, you know…" she mumbled, sitting on the table and pulling him against her, wrapping her legs around his waist.

He grinned and braced himself on either side of her hips, knuckles on the table. Emma kissed him roughly and Aaron returned the kiss. Soon, he had her leaned back, kissing her neck. She moaned and writhed underneath him.

"Wanna' go to my place?" he whispered in her ear.

Emma froze. "Ummm…uhhh…yeah…we can do-"

He pulled back in frustration. "I'm not going to force you!"

Emma trembled and nodded. "I…I know."

He shook his head, grabbing his beer. "No, you don't. Come on. Let's go party."

"Aaron!"

"No! I'm not…not like that anymore, but you can't see it. Let's just go back to the party and…party."

Emma nodded, tears in her eyes and grabbed her bottle, following him out. They danced, occasionally taking sips of their drinks and watching each other nervously. Finally, Aaron went for a refill and Emma searched for the bathroom.

On her way out, she happened by a room with an open door. Emma stopped and watched in amazement as three boys and a girl sat around the table sniffing white powder through dollar bills. They didn't even seem to notice her as she watched the scene unfold.

Emma jumped as a hand grasped her shoulder. "We should go," Aaron said.

Emma shook her head. "I'm…I'm not ready yet."

Aaron sighed and walked off. "I'm tired, Emma. I'm going to lay down. Let me know when you're ready to split."

Emma nodded, her eyes already back on the small group. Aaron kissed her cheek. "Be careful, Baby. OK?" he whispered.

She nodded again and Aaron sighed. He hated leaving her alone, but he was feeling dizzy and sick to his stomach. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him. His arms and legs felt heavy. 'Ten minutes,' he thought to himself. 'Ten minutes…I'll listen for her…she'll be OK…Dogg'll have her back…he's got my back…' his thoughts wandered as he stumbled into a room and fell onto the bed.

Emma stood there in awed silence as she watched the small group snorting up. A hand gripped her shoulder, but this time, she couldn't seem to turn away.

"Wanna' give it a try? It's a rush."

Emma shook her head. "I…I shouldn't," she murmured. "I…was already hooked on Oxy…can't take the chance."

The short dark-haired boy chuckled. "It's not addictive if you only do it once, E!"

Emma turned to the boy and frowned. "Dogg…I don't know…"

He pouted, his bottom lip jutting out comically. "Come on, E…I'd never do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?"

Emma smiled at him. "I know."

He smiled back and took her hand, leading her into the room. "Hey, guys. You remember E, right?"

A few of the boys smirked, making Emma frown. Somehow, they seemed familiar…

"Want to walk off dinner?" Kim asked with a shy smile.

Sean smiled. "Sure. I could use the fresh air."

"I'm sorry that Shanna is on twenty-four hour watch. We could have asked her to come along."

Sean smiled and shrugged. "I think she's pretty paranoid now…since somebody busted up all our stuff."

She frowned. "Yeah. I heard. Who would do that?"

He shrugged again. "No clue…maybe just a patient who likes to break things, but didn't want to get in trouble by trashing their own room."

She frowned. "I don't know anyone like that, but you never know with this place."

He nodded. "Yeah." Sean thought for a moment as he dropped the sign out pen and they headed for the front door. "So…seems like the perfect opportunity for you to tell me about the rest of your pets."

"Sean! Your room was trashed, and you aren't freaked? Not even a little bit?"

He shrugged. "It's just….stuff." Sean sighed. "Stuff can be replaced. People…the ones who matter…can't."

"Are you talking about that Emma girl?" she asked softly. He nodded and she frowned, stopping. When he stopped, she cocked her head to one side and studied Sean closely. "You…if you love her so much…then how come you don't try to get in touch with her?"

Sean sat heavily on a park bench set up for visitors. Kim sat next to him, waiting. He sighed and stared at his hands. "Before…before I came here…Emma…we had history." Kim nodded, letting him know it was OK to continue. "I was…I did a lot of mean stuff to her. I messed her up pretty bad."

"But…you're different now, right?"

He shook his head, looking up at the sky, fighting tears. "I don't deserve her. She's perfect…and I'm just the poor kid of alcoholic parents. She's got this dad…and he has brain damage…but he loves her so much. And she has this step dad who almost died of cancer…and he loves her so much." He sighed. "Hell, everybody loves her…except for my best friend, and I know he shouldn't be my best friend because he hurt her and stuff, but…but he's like me, and we get each other. Emma's always been so full of love and patience…especially for me…but they can't accept each other, but if the chips were down, I think she'd take a bullet for him just to keep from seeing someone die in front of her. What can I give a girl like that? What do I have to offer to someone who has so much love in her heart…when I have nothing to offer?"

Kim grasped his hand sadly, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Sean…you've got love to offer. It's all that matters." She sighed. "I wish…Ray could just…but he can't. He's mean and hateful…and I know I shouldn't love him, but he can be so nice when he wants to be." Her eyes fill with tears and she looks at Sean pleadingly. "Why can't he love me? Or why can't I at least move past him?"

Sean sighed and put his arms around her. "You tell me why I can't move past Emma…and I'll tell you why you still love Ray."

Emma was feeling dizzy…and somewhat giddy. She couldn't stop giggling. Dogg was laughing at her. Emma tried to focus on his face, but she couldn't. His face was twisting and wavering. She shook her head and looked around the room. There, on the bed in the corner, the girl who had been snorting coke with the group lay. Another boy was over her and she was murmuring, unzipping his jeans. Emma looked away, the color rising in her cheeks as the boy plunged into the girl. What in the hell was going on? How could they be going at it while all those people were sitting right there in the room? Were they crazy?

"I…I need to f-find A-Aaron," she mumbled, trying to stand. "Gotta' g-g-go hooome…"

Dogg chuckled as she fell back into the chair. He stood up. "Come on, Sexy. We'll go find him."

She smiled and hugged him when he pulled her up. She grabbed her beer. "Thanks, Daawwwwgy!" she said with a chuckle as he walked her from the room. "You're such a good friend!"

He laughed and led her from room to room. Each bed had a couple…but so far, no Aaron.

"No, I mean it!" she said loudly. "You takin' care of me. I love you!"

"Oh, you do, do you?" he asked teasingly.

"Yup! Love ya', love ya', love ya'!"

He led her into a room. "So…you love me?" he asked, chuckling.

She frowned and squinted in the dark. "Aaron's not in here!" she said.

Dogg nodded. "You're getting heavy. I'll find Aaron and bring him to you."

She nodded and sat down, starting to feel sick. "Thanks."

He studied her for a moment. "It'll cost you, though."

She looked up with a frown. "Huh?"

"Wanna' buck," he teased.

Emma laughed. "Can I owe you?"

Dogg's face suddenly took on a strange look. "So…you like flyin'?" he asked as he sat across from her. "You look ready to puke."

Emma shook her head. "Nahhhh….jus' seepy," she slurred.

"OK…I'll go get Aaron. But let's lay you down before you fall down."

He helped her stand and led her to the bed. But instead of helping her, he pushed her back. She fell on her rear with a thud. "Ow! What the hell?"

He unzipped his pants. "Told ya'…it'll cost ya'. Just like old times," he said with a sneer as he sat on the bed directly in front of Emma, who was sitting in shock on the floor.

"But…Aaron said…" She frowned. What had Aaron said?

"Please? No one does it as good as you," he said with a pout.

"But I'm with Aaron!"

"Oral aint' cheating."

"But-"

"Do you want me to fucking get your boy or not?" he shouted.

Emma nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "You're…s'posed to be my friend! S'posed to be Aaron's friend," she muttered, crawling to the door. "I'll find him m'self!"

Dogg sighed and stood up, zipping his pants. "Fuck it! You're no fun anymore! Fucking prude!" he groused as he lifted her up and tossed her on the bed.

She cowered in terror. "Please don't!"

But he was already gone.

Sean returned to his room to find Shanna staring blankly at the TV. "Have a nice dinner?" she asked hotly.

Sean frowned. "Uhhh…yeah. They served spag-"

"Like I care," she hissed and stood up, crossing the room. Sean caught her arm.

"What's your deal?"

"Are you screwing her already?"

"What?"

"Kim! I _knew _I shouldn't have introduced you two! You're such a fucking bleeding heart!"

"Shanna! Stop talking stupid! She's a nice girl with a shitty boyfriend! I'm trying to be nice!"

"By screwing her? How's that supposed to-"

"I'm not!"

Her tone changed to soft. "You're not?"

He shook his head. She smiled. She moved towards him, but he stepped away with a frown. "Shanny…I like you, but…you scare me sometimes. What the hell is up with you? One minute, you're calling me a whore…and the next you wanna' get with me? What's that about?"

"I don't know!" she wailed. "I just…I like you, Sean! I'm scared you're gonna' meet somebody else!"

Sean sighed and pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. "You're not gonna' lose me. OK? We'll figure something out, OK?"

She nodded, burying her face in his neck. Sean held back a sad sigh. Shanna might look like Emma…but everything she did reminded him that she wasn't Emma. What had he gotten himself into?

Emma lay trembling on the bed. She was scared…but too sick to move. What if Dogg came back? What if someone else came in? What if-

The door opened and Emma yelped, tucking herself into a tight ball.

"Baby? Emma?"

Emma let out a sob of relief as Aaron came over and pushed her hair from her eyes. "Aaron!"

He lay next to her. "What's wrong? Dogg just said you were acting weird."

She hugged him tighter. "I don't feel good! I'm sick! I wanna' go home!"

He sighed. "Can't. Can't drive. I think someone spiked my drink. Musta' hit yours too."

Emma knew that her illness wasn't the beer, but she was afraid to tell him. She was scared he'd dump her if he knew. "OK…I guess we could sleep a bit."

Aaron nodded and kissed her, pulling her against him. She kissed his neck softly and he moaned. "You…liked that?" she whispered in surprise.

He lifted her chin and looked in her eyes before pulling her face to his, kissing her deeply. Her hands drifted to his jeans. He pulled back. "Are you…sure?"

She smiled and nodded before kissing him again.

Sean was laying underneath Shanna, watching her closely. There was none of the pleasure from a few nights before. Now, his eyes were glued to her for a different reason. For some reason…after her blow up…she seemed sort of 'Single White Female-esque' to him, and he was waiting for the knife to be yanked from behind her back, slashing crazily at him.

Every sound she made…every sigh and whimper…each time she whimpered his name…he flinched, seeing the steely blade moving right for his face.

Shit! He really needed to get away from her! She was nuts…obsessed. Why hadn't he noticed before?

Shanna collapsed over him, and slid off of him, laying her head on his chest. "That was nice," she murmured.

Sean stared at the ceiling and nodded. "Uhhh…yeah…great…" he muttered.

'What in the hell was I thinking screwing a chick in a mental hospital?' he thought to himself. He sighed and stood up, putting his sweats back on.

"Where are you going?" she asked nervously.

Sean thought quickly and shrugged. "Gotta' take a leak." He walked out.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. How in the hell had he gotten into such deep shit?

"_Things are always gonna' be like this with me, Emma!"_

"_Like what?"_

"_Like this! Me…always screwing up. It's in my blood."_

"_It's in your head."_

Sean entered the bathroom and leaned against the door, closing his eyes. He concentrated on Emma's face…fierce and determined…but her eyes were always filled with softness for him. Emma had never made him feel this kind of insecurity. Nervous, sweaty-palmed, dry mouthed, and grinning like an idiot was as insecure as it got with Emma. "See, Em?" he whispered sadly. "Told you I was a big fat loser!"

Aaron flopped on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Dammit, Emma! What the hell's your deal?"

"I…I said I w-was…sorry!"

"You're supposed to be my girlfriend! I offered you an out, but you kept pushing the issue! What the fuck was the point if you're just going to cry the whole fucking time…again!"

Emma sat up, pulling up her pants angrily and slashing the tears from her face with the back of her hand. "Well, I didn't exactly notice you stopping until you were done anyway!" She stood up and rolled her eyes incredulously. "Oh, wait!" she hissed sarcastically. "I forgot…you had to get your fun, and now you're done, right?"

Aaron caught her wrist. "Who said I was done? Emma, I-"

She jerked away angrily and shook her head. "No! You know what? I'm done! Tonight…tonight there was a whole party full of guys who were hot for me, and you? You have me…and it still isn't enough!"

She stormed out and slammed the door behind her. Soon, she found herself in the room again…sitting on Dogg's lap and taking the straw with a grin.

Dogg frowned. "What are you-"

"Just a little fun," she said with a smirk as she leaned over the small mirror on the table.

Fifteen minutes later, Emma was leading Dogg into an empty room. She pushed him back on the bed with a grin.

"What the-"

Emma smirked and dropped to her knees in front of him. "Don't you remember? I'm Aaron's slut," she muttered, unzipping his jeans.

Dogg grinned, taking her head and guiding her.

When it was over, he grinned and handed her a bracelet. Emma tied it on and smirked. "Remember…tell all your friends…I'm back…in full glory. Emma Nelson…bracelet whore is once again open for business!" she laughed, leaving the room.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Aaron growled, grabbing her wrist. His frown grew as he felt the piece of material under his hand. He lifted her arm and glared at the bracelet.

"What? Pissed cause I went on my own terms?" she hissed. "Pissed cause you didn't call the shots on it this time?"

"Whore!" he whispered. "You're a fucking whore!" he shouted.

"Gee…and who made me that way?" she shrieked back.

His hand shot out, striking her hard. She dropped to one knee, grabbing her face. She shook off the sting quickly and stood up. "Yeah…just like old times, aint' it?" she said with a smirk and walked away.

"_See, Em? Told you I was a big fat loser!" _

Emma stopped with a gasp. She frowned and shook her head quickly to erase the voice in her mind, and walked out the front door.


	17. Chapter 17: No Sleep Tonight

Chapter 17: No Sleep Tonight

"Jay! It's four in the morning! Where in the hell is she?"

Jay sighed and shifted on the couch. "If I knew that…" he sighed and rolled his eyes. "Try Aaron's cell again."

Alex sighed and shook her head. "I knew it was a bad idea to let them date again, dammit!" she grumbled as she dialed his number.

Jay snorted. "Shit, Lexi! You know as well as I do that Emma won't be ordered around!"

"No shit, Sherlock!" she hissed back, listening to the phone ring.

"Emma?" he asked.

Alex sat up in surprise, giving Jay a worried look. "Aaron? She's not with you?"

He sighed heavily. "Would I have fucking called you Emma if she was? She's…not back yet?"

"Would I fucking be calling you if she was?" she retorted hotly.

"Shit!"

"What the hell happened?"

"What always happens with us? She got mad and left!"

"How long ago?"

"An hour…maybe two."

Alex looked at Jay. "A twenty minute walk doesn't take that long! Dammit, Aaron! Shit! You should have called! What if-"

Jay stood up. "I'm checking the ravine," he said as he headed for the door, digging his keys from his pocket.

"I'm coming with you," Alex called out. "Call Jay's cell if you find her," she told Aaron and hung up before he could reply.

There was a light knock on the door. "You OK, Sean?"

Sean sighed and pulled away from the door. "Yeah," he mumbled as he walked out the door.

"You feeling sick?" Nurse Mitchell asked.

Sean nodded. "Yeah," he mumbled. "Homesick, that is."

Nurse Mitchell sighed and patted his shoulder. "Sean…there's only one way to get over that, and only one way to go about getting over it. You're better. Other than that episode…you know the only way you're going to completely over it is to get closure on your past."

"How?" he asked.

Nurse Mitchell shrugged. "That's something you're going to have to figure out for yourself."

Sean sighed angrily. "Great! Just…this is just…hell!"

"Sean…I've been watching you. You're doing a lot of good. Charlie…Whoopy…he's calmed down a lot since you've been here. You're one of the few people he actually talks to. Jamie…the cutter? She called both her parents this morning, and they're going to work out a joint custody type trial situation."

Sean smiled softly. "Really? That's…well, good for her."

Nurse Mitchell nodded. "Yeah. And Kim…a huge accomplishment. You got her to eat twice already without even thinking about her weight…or running straight to the bathroom." He smiled. "And I have to admit, it's a nice change of pace to not have to drag a screaming, kicking, biting girl from the bathroom!"

Sean frowned and sighed. He'd forgotten about Kim. "I…maybe I should stay…for a while longer. I mean…Kim's doing good, but…but what if I just leave? She might feel abandoned."

"Sean…you can't protect her forever. She's got to learn to stand on her own two feet. You gave her the tools for that."

Sean sighed again and shook his head. "I…I think…I'm not really homesick. I'm just…not ready yet."

"Sean…"

Emma stood and stared at the trains. She looked down at the ticket in her hand. Why had she thought she could trust Aaron? Why had she let herself believe he loved her? No one loved her. No one. Snake had abandoned her, and taken on a new family. He'd forgotten all about her and Jack…and now Peter was his new son. Peter had taken Emma's place as Snake's older child. She sniffled back tears and adjusted her backpack.

She'd hidden in the bushes outside her apartment until Jay and Alex had done the inevitable. They were predictable. She'd known if she waited long enough, they would go in search of her. So, she'd waited…snuck in and packed a bag.

Emma sighed, thinking about the note she'd left behind.

"_Alex…Jay,_

_You two are the best friends a girl like me could have. I don't deserve you. You are the only two who stuck by me, but I know I'm hurting you. I need a break. You need a break. If I don't go now, you'll end up leaving me just like everyone else._

_Love you guys. And I'll be back when I'm straightened out a bit. Lex…don't worry about my half of the rent. I'll figure something out. _

_Love, Emma"_

Emma shifted impatiently, trying to forget everyone who had abandoned her. Her own mother was through with her. And thanks to her putting Emma in foster care, Jack didn't even know her anymore. The two times she'd seen him since then, he'd screamed and cried. And it was all her mom's fault.

"_Emma! I can't keep doing this! I have a baby to worry about! You're bringing that junk into my house! What am I supposed to do?"_

"_Maybe show some support!"_

"_I…I can't! Not anymore! You're not even trying!"_

"_You're…you're throwing me out?"_

"_Emma! It's for your own good!"_

"Yeah, Mom. Fat lotta' good tossing me out did, you bitch!" she groused under her breath. She instantly felt guilty. Her mom had tried. She'd put her into rehab…she'd cleaned her puke and changed her sweaty sheets and stayed up with her all night long every time she relapsed. Spike had dropped everything and nearly lost her job…and she'd asked Joey to take Jack in for an extended visit while she cared for Emma and chased off all those guys who wanted to play bracelet tag. And for what?

Emma knew what was happening to her. In the span of one night, she'd used twice…and felt a familiar twinge of longing for more already. Her heart was racing and she was sweaty and sick to her stomach…Emma had gone back to paying for her fixes with her soul. The drugs were like a devil…and she couldn't stop herself from running back to it every time things got rough.

She twisted at the bracelets on her wrist, trying to forget how she'd met up with Dogg's friends after she'd gone back to her apartment. Dogg was too busy…so he'd sent his boys, and Emma had played along. Now, she stared at the ugly puke green color glaring at her from her wrist…four to be exact. One from Dogg…one from Joe…and Neil had given her two because he said she was worth two. She sighed and shoved her hand deeply into her pocket and rubbed a thin finger longingly along the bag of powder in her pocket. This stuff wasn't as long lasting as the oxy…and the ache was already stronger, even though she'd only done it twice. She knew she was in big trouble, and it wasn't fair to force Alex and Jay to deal with her. She shivered in the warm breeze, wishing the effects lasted as long as oxy…just long enough for her to get where she was going. But it hadn't, and she couldn't risk running out…or worse, getting busted snorting up in the dirty station bathroom. Her thoughts drifted again as she tried to distract herself from the wave of nausea sweeping through her. Like her mind was a VCR, it sped through pictures of memories until it suddenly slammed to a halt at the memory of Manny's twisted, rage-filled face.

Ever since Manny had found out about her and Peter…they never spoke…unless it was harsh insults back and forth on the way to class, or when they were getting ready to fall asleep. She'd turned JT and Toby…along with the rest of the school…against her. Emma knew she was partly to blame for breaking the betrayal rule in the 'Friendship Guide', but shit! Manny could have realized that Emma was desperate…needy.

Peter abandoned her…as soon as he'd seen the demise of the Memma friendship. Chris…who'd already betrayed her because he'd hated her love for Sean, and hated her act with Jay in the ravine more…followed Peter's lead. They wanted to punish her because she just couldn't get over him.

Which brought her back to Sauve. Emma snorted a sad chuckle. The dumb bitch had actually believed a letter would make her move on and forget about him.

Emma watched the train pull up, trying not to think about him. Sean Hope Cameron…the one boy who had always been her undoing…and he'd abandoned her. Not once…but two…three times? Emma had lost count because deep in her heart, she knew she'd written hundreds of letters before Sauve's stupid suggestion…and dozens more after…and not a damned one had ever erased the ache in her heart.

Well, that's what this trip was about. Shutting her heart off from Sean…and everyone else. Emma had decided that she wouldn't need, love, long for…or even want the mess of human entanglements ever again.

Jay and Alex hurried out of the ravine and stood by his car as Aaron's pulled up next to the little orange Civic. "Did you check the van?" Alex asked.

"For the hundredth time, yes!" Jay groused.

"Hey! Don't get on my case just because-"

"I'm not on your case! I'm just irritated…no pissed! Where the hell is she?"

"Maybe one of Teddy's buddies got to her." Alex's eyes widened. "Shit! What if Teddy-"

Aaron got out of his car and slammed the door. "It wasn't Teddy. It was…me."

Alex turned and lunged at him. "What the fuck did you do to her?"

Aaron sidestepped Alex. "Nothing! We…fought. I pissed her off, and she stormed out."

"But that was hours ago! She could be anywhere by now!"

"Why in the hell didn't you call?" Alex shouted, panicked. "Holy shit!" she gasped, her face filling with fury as she lunged for him again. "You set it all up, didn't you?"

"What?" he laughed in disbelief, but Jay turned and pinned him to the car by his throat.

"You'd better start from the beginning…and speak slowly and clearly," Jay growled, his nose touching Aaron's forehead in a show of who was 'Alpha Dog' in this situation.

Aaron sighed. "We fucked…she wanted it, begged for it, but blubbered the whole damned time. I got pissed and complained. She stormed out. A little while later, I found her coming out of a room…and she was wearing a green bracelet. I called her a whore…she ripped into me…and walked out." Jay studied him for a moment before loosening his grip. "I just figured she needed time to cool off. I never thought this would happen."

Alex glared at both boys. "This is all your fault! You're both shit!" she hissed.

Jay frowned. "What the hell did I do?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Who the fuck was the first piece of shit to show her the ravine night life?"

"I didn't think-"

"And who introduced her to Aaron?" she continued.

"Now, wait just a damned minute! I didn't introdu-"

"Oh, no? Gee…she came back, looking for you, and ran into him! Maybe you didn't introduce them directly, but you may as well have!"

"Hey! She never had to come back…and she sure as hell didn't have to date me!" Aaron hissed.

Alex shook her head. "Oh, no…" she muttered sarcastically. "You just fed off her loneliness, and expected her to just walk away! You know what? Fuck you both!"

"Alex! Wait!" Jay called out, but Alex just shook her head and walked home.

Sean sat in the recreation room, staring out the window into the darkness.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Sean turned with a smile. "Hey! Kim! You a night owl too?"

Kim smiled and sat on the windowsill next to him. "Not usually…unless I sense that someone needs advice."

Sean chuckled and took her hand. "Yeah, well…it's nice to see you."

She smiled back, shaking her head. "No. It's Emma you want to see."

He sighed. "Yeah…I guess."

"No guessing about it, Sean." She sighed. "I…Sean, I heard you talking to Nurse Mitchell. You…you should go home."

"But-"

She gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand. "We haven't known each other long, right?" He nodded. "Yeah…well, I can honestly say that you're probably one of my best friends. I'll miss you, Sean, but…but as your friend, I'm telling you that you've got a chance to make things right."

He sighed and shook his head again, looking out the window. "No. If I leave, I'm going back to that trailer. I don't deserve Emma…I ruined that all."

"You don't know that!"

"Yeah. I do. Emma and I…" he sighed. "Emma's gone…and I'm here."

"Sean…"

Emma's lids drooped heavily as the train raced down the track. She wondered absently if they'd found her note yet. Her mind drifted back to Aaron, but she slammed the door closed on the thought. She closed her eyes, and saw Sean behind the heavy lids, and she frowned. "Get the fuck out of my head!" she hissed.

"This seat taken?" a girl about Emma's age asked.

Emma sighed and scooted over. "No. Go ahead," she muttered and yawned.

"I'm Tory," the girl said, not seeming to notice that Emma's back was to her.

"I'm sleeping," Emma responded dryly.

"This is my first time on a train, and I'm sort of nervous. You seem so relaxed. How do you do it?"

Emma sighed in frustration and sat up. The girl gasped at Emma's black eye, which had quickly swollen shut. Emma clenched her jaw for a moment. "Here," she mumbled, pulling out the baggy in her pocket. "This will take the edge off. Just…just don't snort it all." She glanced the girl up and down, giving her a knowing nod. "A pinky nail full will do you fine. Any more than that…and I'll kick your skinny ass! That's gotta' last me a while."

The girl gaped at the bag in Emma's hand. "Is that…is that drugs?" she asked with a whisper.

Emma sighed and shoved the bag back in her pocket. She grabbed her backpack and stood up. "Just took the offer off the table." She shoved past the girl. "A seat just opened up…and I'm bored with this conversation."

"Wait!" the girl called out in a panic. Emma stopped and sighed, slowly turning to glare down at the small red head in the seat she'd just vacated.

"What?"

"I…" the girl sighed. "I'm annoying, I know…"

Emma nodded. "Yeah. You are."

She twisted her hands in her lap. "I just…I just got thrown out today…and I just thought that, since you were alone that…" Tory's eyes filled with tears. "You seemed like you do this kind of stuff all the time."

Emma shook her head, sitting back down as guilt washed through her. "No. This is my first time…riding the train alone. Rode with a friend once…but that was a lifetime ago."

Tory gave her a weak smile. "You just seem so relaxed…"

Emma shrugged dully. "I am…cause I just don't care what happens to me anymore."

"Oh! That's…so sad! I mean…you seem like you're nice and-"

"I'm not nice. I ruin everything I touch."

Tory's face crumpled as tears splattered onto her backpack. "You're not the only one! I'm…I just told my mom and dad that my…my boyfriend got me pregnant, and he dumped me. I was sure they'd understand, but they threw me out! Now I've got no one. I've ruined my life! I…how is my baby going to grow up healthy and happy when I've got no one to help me?"

Emma frowned. "You're not giving up? I mean…abortions are-"

The girl's face reddened in a mixture of shame and anger. "No! I'd never do that! I'd rather die than kill my baby!"

Emma sighed and leaned back with a small, sad smile curling the edges of her lips. "I used to feel the same way."

"You don't anymore?"

Emma shrugged. "Don't know exactly. My best friend had one…and I supported her decision, even though I hated it."

"And now?"

"And now I know how bad life sucks. And I wonder, if I were in your shoes…I wonder what would be the point of raising an innocent life in a world so full of viciousness and shit." She sighed. "In the end, you get a gun put in your face…you watch your first and only love walk away without a second thought of how you're going to deal. You get…degraded…raped…shit on. It just happens over and over again. No beginning…no end." She stared coldly at the seat in front of her as an icy smirk played across her lips. "It's a vicious circle. Life's…why bring a kid into that?"

Tory studied her intently. "Haven't you ever thought…you know…that maybe a baby…a precious, innocent life…maybe he or she can be the start of a new cycle? One that's finally full of love for you?"

Sean stared at the envelope in his hand. He couldn't believe he was doing this! How stupid was he? He sighed and handed it to the nurse. "Nurse Mitchell…can you send this, please? Track will pay for the stamp."

Nurse Mitchell studied the address and nodded with a smile. "Can do. Anything else?"

Sean nodded. "Yeah…get the dumb thing out of my face before I lose my nerve!"

Alex walked around the apartment, holding the letter from Emma, and holding back tears. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she dropped to the sofa. Tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Stop being an ass!" she hissed at herself. "You never liked her before…" She sighed, realizing that she liked her now…and had for some time. She'd been more than a friend to her…closer than Ellie or Amy had ever been. Emma had become a part of who she herself now was.

There was a knock on the door, but she ignored it. He poked his head in cautiously, prepared to duck from a flying object. He saw Alex's defeated posture and hurried in.

"Lexi? What's wrong?"

Alex silently handed him the letter and he read it. He looked at her sadly and Alex fell into Jay's lap sobbing as he softly stroked her head, grateful that she couldn't see his own tears. Emma had placed her mark on both their hearts.

Emma watched the girl sleeping restlessly. She sighed and shifted, ready to get some rest herself when two guys moved to the seats directly across from the girls. Emma had an odd feeling about the way they were staring at the girls. She sighed and rolled her shoulders, placing her bag in her lap. She opened it and casually dug through it as one of the guys made a move to sit on one side of her. The other guy advanced on Tory.

Emma had been ready. Her hand quickly grabbed the object she'd been searching for and quickly turned it the way she needed. She yanked her hand free from the bag and aimed…then fired. Quickly moving to the eyes of both guys. They screamed as the hairspray stung their eyes and Emma just as quickly stood and swung the bag like a bat, hitting both boys, toppling them back into their seats.

Tory stirred. "What the-"

"You said you wanted someone to take care of you and the kid. Well, you've met her. Now, move!"

They both scrambled from their seats and hurried into the next car, which was full of people. They sat across from an elderly couple.

"Thanks," Tory murmured.

Emma nodded. "Any time."

Tory dropped her head on Emma's shoulder and Emma looked out the window into the speeding night.


	18. Chapter 18: Life Is A Highway

Chapter 18: Life Is A Highway

Emma stirred a bit and stretched as the train came to a halt. She frowned at the weight on her shoulder. _'What the hell?'_ she thought to herself, looking over to see Tory sleeping peacefully, using Emma's shoulder for a pillow.

Memories of the night's events skipped through her mind and she sighed. _'Great!'_ she thought. _'I'm such an idiot! How can I promise to take care of this kid when I can't take care of myself?'_

Emma sighed again and shook the girl. "Tory? This is our stop."

"Where are we?" Tory asked as she stretched, a noisy yawn escaping her lips.

Emma looked out the window and frowned. She chuckled as she yawned and stretched, following Tory's lead. "Don't know…but it's the end of the line."

Tory nodded and stood up, following Emma from the train. "Are you hungry? I've…I emptied my account before I left. It's not much, but-"

Emma shook her head, stifling another yawn. "Save your money. You eat. You're the one that's eating for two."

Tory trembled a bit and Emma chuckled and threw her arm protectively over the girl's shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll get you somewhere safe…you and your kid. I…I promise. OK? Until then…I'll take care of you both."

Tory smiled, and Emma saw that, underneath her fear, she was really a pretty girl. She reminded Emma of Ellie…the same build…same height…same hair…but Tory's eyes were a startling blue. They were so light blue that they were almost white. Emma smiled back, forgetting all about her own urge for the 'stuff' in her pocket for once. This girl wouldn't make it on her own…they needed each other. And Emma had found her purpose.

Alex woke up and stretched. Her body ached and she frowned. _'What the hell?' _she thought grumpily. She tried to sit up, but Jay's head was on her hip. Her frown deepened as she tried to process the events of the night before.

"Jay!" she hissed as her eyes widened. "Get up!"

Jay groaned. "What the hell?" he groused as he tried to sit up. "Get your elbow out of my eye!"

"It's not my elbow, Jackass! It's my heel!"

They slowly proceeded to untangle themselves, moaning and groaning in pain as each joint and muscle screamed out for relief.

"What the hell happened?" Jay asked, running a hand through his hair. "Did we fall asleep watching a movie?"

Alex's eyes filled with tears, but she took a deep breath and hissed it out hard, fighting them back. "No! Emma took off last night!"

"Shit!" he said, running his hand through his hair again. "How could I forget?"

Alex sighed sadly. "Fuck! How in the hell can an apartment seem so empty when it's not, you know?"

Jay hugged her. "I know. So…you're ditching school today, right? Maybe we can ride around a look for her."

Alex shook her head as the anger and rage began coursing through her again. "No…I've got something to do."

"But, Lexi! It's Emma!"

"No shit!" She sighed harshly. "Just…you and Aaron look. I've got a score to settle."

Jay looked at her with a frown of confusion but nodded.

Tracker ran an angry hand through his hair as he stared at the letter. "Don't do this to me, Little Man!" he grumbled.

"What is it, Dear?" his mother asked as she entered the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee.

Tracker sighed and put the letter away. "Nothing to worry about. Just…just a bill from the hospital," he lied. "No big deal."

His mother paled. "Sean…is he all right?"

Tracker nodded and gave her a reassuring smile. "Of course, Mom. He's a Cameron boy."

She smiled back and patted his hand then left the kitchen. Tracker sagged in his chair and sighed. He'd taken in his mom because he knew that she couldn't take care of herself. She needed somewhere she felt safe to sober up. He pulled the letter from his pocket again and frowned. This was a good thing, right?

He sighed and shifted in the uncomfortable chair. No…it was only _partly _good.

"_Track,_

_I'm ready to get out of here. Sick of this place, and Nurse Mitchell says I'm ready. You were right. Shanna's not…she's not right for me. She's got this obsessed shit going on in her head. We were just supposed to be friends…with uhhh…you know…benefits. But I can't talk to any other girl or she wants to pick a fight and then screw. Yeah, I'm a guy, so I'm all for sex, but not when I'm waiting for the knife to stab me in the chest or slash up my face._

_I just get this image of a razor blade or something, and she's screaming that she'll make me so that no one will want me. Funny, huh? Sick thing is, I think she's fully capable. The bitch is nuts! She's nothing like most of us in here._

_I want to go home, Track! I'll even go to Alberta and suck it up and forgive and forget with Mom, if that's what you want! I'll act like she's been a good mom all these years! Just please get me the fuck out of this shit hole, Man!"_

_Sean"_

Tracker sighed and looked at the letter again. It was the last line that worried him most. Sean never begged for anything…ever. Not even when they were little. But lately, Sean seemed weaker. This letter just proved that either his theory about Sean's weakness was right…or the girl was batty.

Either way…Tracker sighed again and went to the phone.

Emma stood outside the bathroom stall, cringing at the sound of Tory's morning sickness. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she coughed a few dry coughs and flushed the toilet, signaling the end of her long bout. "Feeling better?" Emma asked the girl as she stumbled to the sink to clean herself up.

Tory, who had become stark white, nodded with a frown. "Don't think I'll ever get used to that," she rasped with a chuckle before running a toothbrush over her teeth. "Ugh! So gross!"

Emma smirked and nodded. "Yeah…puking will do that to you. So…I take it you've lost your appetite?"

Tory nodded. "Oh, yeah…"

Emma smiled. "You should try to eat something. Come on…we'll find something to settle your stomach."

"Like anything could ever do that!"

Emma laughed as they headed to a vending machine. "A lot of women eat Saltines…but my mom swore by pretzels. The starch soaks up the acid or something. Anyway…we'll get you a few bags of each. Just to tide you over until the next train ride."

"Where are we going?"

Emma thought for a moment then shrugged. "Anywhere…nowhere…wherever the spirit moves us," she said with a smirk. She thought for a moment and shrugged again. "Just like that song my mom used to listen to. 'Life is a highway…I wanna' ride it all night long." She laughed.

Tory smiled as she tried a pretzel. "Think we'll find a place to stay?"

"Of course we will!" Emma said reassuringly, though her mind had just been asking her the same question. "Look…I've got…people. I know people who…they might know how to get you the help you need. We'll have to double back some…try to find the train that stops there, but we'll-"

"What are you going to do? I mean…after your friend helps me? Are you going to stay a bit?"

Emma shook her head. "I'll help you get settled, but…"

"You're leaving us?" Tory asked as her hand touched her stomach. Tears of fear swam in her eyes.

Emma sighed. "Tory…I have to. I…this…this friend…too many bad memories, OK?"

"Then why are we going?"

"Cause you need more help than I can give you!" she replied as she pulled a steaming cup of tea from the machine. "Here. Take this and go sit down while I get me a cup."

Tory wrinkled her nose. "Oh…I don't like tea."

Emma smirked. "Oh…well…you'd better learn. It's peppermint tea. Works wonders for nausea."

"Really?"

Emma smiled and nodded. "Yeah. And if this doesn't work…we'll buy you some ginger tea next time."

"Thanks. You…you sure know a lot about pregnancy…"

"Yeah…I was in high school when my mom had Jack. So I remember making a lot of nausea relief trips…or worse…ice cream runs…at two o'clock in the morning!"

"Wh-what about your dad?"

She smiled fondly. "Oh! He was so awesome! He would sit there and rub her belly for…" her mind recalled the past few months, and she shook her head quickly, removing all memories of Snake, good or bad. She replaced them with the anger she'd grown accustomed to. "He isn't my dad, actually. More like my step dad. And, if it weren't for my mom…my real dad wouldn't be a brain damaged freak!"

Jay sighed and shook his head sadly. "I don't think we'll ever find her, Man."

Aaron rolled his shoulders. "You think that Teddy has her, don't you?"

Jay frowned. "Hell, no! Teddy's…well…Teddy's too conceited to not be bragging right now."

"True." Aaron sighed and looked up at Jay. "You're gonna' wanna' kill me…"

Jay frowned, studying Aaron suspiciously. "What the fuck did you do, Man?"

"I…punched her."

"You what?"

"She went down on Dogg! With me right in the same fucking house! She's my girl and she's-"

He grabbed Aaron's shirt roughly and shoved him against a tree. "Green Peace doesn't belong to you…you or anyone, Asshole!"

"Hey! She knew the rules! When she's with me, she's my property!"

Jay shoved him back and shook his head. "You're a fucking idiot!" He sighed. "I miss Cameron! At least with him…he might have had balls, but at least he got that chicks weren't furniture!"

"Oh…and tell me you don't keep Alex on a tight leash!"

Jay snorted. "Nobody keeps Lexi on a leash…or Emma. You're gonna' have to learn…just cause you _call _her a bitch don't mean she's a dog!"

"Yeah, Track. It's that bad," Sean said into the phone later that afternoon.

"Well…how do you expect me to fix it?"

"Get me out of here!"

Tracker sighed heavily. "Get yourself out! Prove that you're ready!"

"Track!"

"Sean! Look…I…I already called your doctor. You think I wouldn't? He said that you have to go talk to him. Tell him why you think you're ready."

Sean sighed heavily and slid down the wall. "I'm never getting out of here, am I?"

"Oh, that's it!" Tracker said knowingly. "Just give up like you always do."

"What?"

"Every time things get rough, you give up! You couldn't handle the fact that Emma might be right about Jay, and you gave up on the first good relationship you ever had! You couldn't handle going back and facing Wasaga…our folks…until Degrassi got too tough to handle. You bailed on the first girl who made you start seeing what was wrong with Jay…ever since Emma…"

"What did you expect me to do? Stay there and hurt them both? Watch Ellie slit her wrists because she couldn't handle the fact that I still have feelings for Emma? Damn, Man! I killed for her!"

"I know! Now…either prove to the doc that you got your shit together, or you're going to have to rot there! There's something I finally can't bail you out of and you're on your own!"

Emma sighed, looking down at her shoulder to see that Tory had fallen asleep again. She frowned as she sipped her peppermint tea, trying to stave off the cravings that were making her nauseous.

'_Dammit!' _her mind hissed at her._ 'You just had to do this to yourself again, didn't you?"_

Emma took a shaky breath and closed her eyes tightly as the train sped through another dark tunnel. She couldn't handle the darkness of the tunnels. They seemed to make everything stand out in a bizarre relief that left her stomach rolling and her mind spinning.

'_Not yet…get Tory somewhere safe…three…two…one…breathe…don't puke…' _her mind directed. _'Shit! This hurts!' _the other voice in her mind screamed.

Tory made a small moaning sound and Emma's mind was distracted from her problem for the time being. She looked at the small girl whose head was lying on her shoulder. She watched her sleep.

'_Just remember! Remember that you're staying clean for them! After you get them to a safe place…use all your whoring little ass wants! Hell, snort it until you choke on it for all I care! Just…make sure they're safe!'_

Emma sighed and released some of the tension from her eyes, forcing her body to relax. She felt herself drifting into a strange doze…not able to sleep, but not able to stay fully awake either…

Alex walked down the halls of Degrassi, keeping an eye out for her target. Emma had made her promise not to bother…but that was when she thought she'd be home to have to deal with it…

Alex's smirk flickered on her lips as she heard giggles floating down the hall. Well…if her guess was right, payback was about to come…

She looked up and scanned the crowd. She frowned. Chris Sharpe…not exactly who she was looking for, but he'd do. For now.

"Hey, Sharpe!"

Chris's head snapped up, but dropped again as the snickers grew louder. He tried to push his way through the crowd and past Alex, but she caught his arm roughly and shoved him against the lockers.

"Ow! Hey!"

Alex shoved back again as he tried to step away. She smiled maliciously at the sound of air being forced from his lungs as his body thudded against the lockers again. "Where's your boy?"

Chris made a hissing sound through his teeth. "He aint' my boy!"

Alex smirked. "Well…a picture says a thousand words…and in your case, maybe a million. Never knew you had it in you, Sharpe!"

"I don't!"

Alex shrugged. "Whatever. So…?"

"So…what?"

Alex sighed and rolled her eyes, pressing him harder against the locker as he winced. "Hurt?" He nodded. "Good. Now…where's Stone?"

Chris shrugged. "I don't know! H-he never showed up today!" he gasped painfully.

Alex sighed and rolled her eyes, letting Chris go. "Tell him I'm looking for him…and I'll find him."

Chris watched her turn to leave. He caught her wrist. She turned back, gaping at his wrist for a moment before her eyes snapped icily to his eyes. "I _know_ you're not touching me!" she hissed.

She frowned at the pained, shamed look in his eyes. "I'm…I screwed up, OK? Tell Emma…I didn't know, OK? I didn't know I hurt her this much."

She rolled her eyes angrily. "You didn't-"

He shook his head sharply. "Emma…she's always been tough. Now…"

Alex glared, snatching her wrist away. "You two sure broke her, didn't you?" she hissed as she walked angrily away.

Jay sat outside the school. He had his back to the ravine, facing Degrassi, but looks could be deceiving. What no one realized was that Jay was watching his back…in the reflection from the corners of his sunglasses. A smirk grew on his lips when he saw the person he was waiting for…meeting up with Aaron.

Jay waited. Aaron took the cash, handed over a few pills, and turned and nodded to Jay, who stood up and followed the other guy into the woods. As soon as they were out of sight, Jay grabbed the guy and shoved him to the ground.

"What the-" his voice cut short as his green eyes caught sight of Jay and Aaron standing over him. "What's this shit? Bringin' your buddies in on your business, Aaron?" he asked as he started to stand.

Aaron kicked him in the ribs. When he doubled over, Jay pushed him back with his foot on Teddy's shoulder. He knelt down and glared at him for a moment. "Just the little shit I was lookin' for…"

Teddy smirked, holding his ribs. "You think you can protect her?" He laughs, gasping in pain. ""You two are suckers! You can't watch out for her twenty-four seven! I'll catch her alone…and when I do…"

Jay nodded to Aaron, signaling that he had all the information he need. He glared back down at Teddy. "The only thing you're gonna' be catching is an ambulance!"

Emma shook the small girl awake. "Tory? Come on. We're here."

Tory yawned and stretched. "Already?"

"Yeah…come on. I need to check a map." She sighed. "I sort of know his street he lives on, but not the exact house number…"

"Oh." Tory yawned again, shouldering her backpack. "You wouldn't happen to have any of those pretzels, would you?"

Emma shook her head with a frown. "Sorry, but we finished those off an hour ago. Why? Upset stomach?"

Tory nodded. "A…a little."

Emma dug through her bag and pulled out a package with a smile. "Good thing I bought a pack of soda crackers."

Tory smiled softly as she took the small green box. "You're a life saver! Thanks."

Emma nodded absently as she stared at the map on the wall. "OK…according to this, we're only seven blocks away. Think you can walk that far?"

Tory nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

Sean sighed and stared at the ceiling above his bed. He was trying to figure out what to say to Doc Evans to make him realize that Sean would never heal completely here. Suddenly, the weight shifted on the bed next to him and he frowned as he turned his head.

"Hey, Shanna."

She pouted. "No Shanny? Are you mad at me?"

He shook his head and looked back up at the ceiling. "No…I don't think so…why? Should I be?"

She chuckled and snuggled against him, nipping at his neck. He sighed and shrugged away, making her frown. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm just thinking about some stuff."

"Oh. You mean someone?"

"Hmmm? No…things."

"You sure you're not thinking about _her _again?" she asked, a little more hotly than she'd intended.

Sean sighed again, standing up. "Nope. For once, I'm not thinking about her," he said. "I've got a session. See you later."

Tracker sat on the couch, staring blankly at the TV screen. He was starting to hate this place. He was feeling suffocated. For once, his mom was actually trying to be the person he'd always needed her to be, and it was driving him crazy! It would have been one thing if he was ten again…not that she'd been there for him at ten…but at his age…it was too much.

"Dinner's ready!" she called from the kitchen.

Tracker sighed and rolled his eyes. "Coming, Mom!"

He stood up and made his way to the kitchen. He hated his days off!

"So…how's work?" she asked as she scooped spaghetti onto his plate.

"Sucks, as usual," he mumbled, taking a bite of the slightly burnt garlic bread. A thought occurred to him, making him smile to himself. "Mom? You really need to get out some. You have…you have a lot to give to the world…"

She frowned, twisting her hands nervously in her apron. "What are you saying?"

"Why don't you volunteer at the soup kitchen or the homeless shelter? I mean…it would get you back into the work force without a huge leap. You can make new friends…"

The doorbell rang and he sighed, rolling his eyes. He tossed his napkin on the table and stood up. "Hold that thought," he muttered as he walked out of the kitchen to the front door. He yanked it open and frowned. "What the hell?"


	19. Chapter 19: Who's Fooling Who?

Chapter 19: Who's Fooling Who?

_Dear Sean,_

_Funny how life works sometimes. It's like…just when I thought that everything in my life was meaningless, I found a bit of hope in the form of a pregnant girl named Tori. She's all alone in the world…just like me. But now we have each other to lean on and depend on._

_I know that we can't stick together forever. She needs a home. She needs stability. I'm hoping I found it for her, but…_

"Emma? It's…ummm…she said it's suppertime."

Emma sighed and closed her notebook. She stood up and stretched, trying to smile at Tori. She sighed, realizing by the frown on the other girl's face, that she'd failed miserably. "How's the queasiness?"

Tory smiled lightly. "Better. She gave me some sort of tea that tasted really nasty…so bad I nearly puked. But once I got about half of it down, my nausea was nearly gone, and now I'm starved."

"Good. Cause I'm guessing he won't be happy with us if we don't eat something…especially you."

_Dear Emma,_

_Doc Evans gave me the all clear! I'll be out of here by next week! I can't wait. Isn't that bizarre? Just when I thought this was the best place for me…well, I guess it's not so unusual that I'd be wrong, huh? I've been wrong about a lot of things lately…people especially._

"Whatchya' writin'?" a familiar voice said as she plopped next to him on the bed. He tried to scoot the letter away, but it was too late. Shanna's face drained of all color.

"Oh! I…you still write to her?"

Sean shrugged. "Sometimes I do. When I need to clear my head, you know."

Shanna nodded. "But…but…when were you planning on telling me you were leaving?"

Sean sighed. "Shanna…it's not like-"

Her face contorted in anger. "So, what? You write a letter to your little girlfriend, and all of a sudden I'm Shanna again!"

Sean cleared his throat. He stared at her for a moment before shoving himself off the bed and turning to look at her. "Look…Shanna…you and I both knew that this…this…whatever the hell it is…or was…it wasn't gonna' be a permanent situation."

Shanna glared at him. "I'm going to tell Nurse Mitchell about what's going on with us! How do you think he'll feel when he-"

Sean shrugged. "Go right the hell ahead, Shan! I don't care! I'm over this…over you! You're nuts! I thought you were cool…but you're just a psycho, and one psycho in a lifetime is more than enough! The last one nearly got people killed!"

He turned and stalked out of the room.

Emma followed Tory into the small, but clean kitchen. Tory smiled nervously and sat down. Emma sighed and looked at the man who was sitting across from her. She stood defiantly as his eyes swept over her…for nearly the hundredth time since the girls' arrival. Finally, his eyes caught hers and held. Hazel eyes clashed with brown for a moment, before finally blinking, showing his submission. He sighed and nodded for her to sit. She studied him for a moment silently, not sure if she wanted to give in or run screaming from the apartment. When his eyes narrowed, she stood a little straighter, her defiance returning.

"Well, are you going to sit down…or do you plan on standing there like an idiot all day and watch us eat?" he asked grouchily.

Emma's temper flared. "Haven't decided yet," she said, her voice dripping with challenge. "I may just stand here all fu…errr…friggin' night."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Emma. Stand there and watch the rest of us eat. I don't give a damn," he grumbled as he smeared butter over a slice of garlic bread. He tossed it expertly on her plate.

Emma took a deep breath as the older woman entered the room carrying a large pot of spaghetti. "It's OK," the woman said with a bright smile, happy to finally have someone to dote on. "You can sit there."

Emma heaved a deep sigh and sat down. "So…ummm…"

The man sighed and buttered his own bread. "So…what brings you all the way out here? Last I heard, you were busy breaking hearts in Toronto."

She stared at him blankly. "What the hell are you talking about, Cameron?" Emma hissed.

Tracker just shrugged. "Everything…nothing. It doesn't matter."

Emma's fury got the better of her. Her fist slammed the table, making the plates rattle and a glass of ice water spill into Tracker's lap. He jumped up with a yelp as the cold liquid seeped down the legs of his jeans and into his skin. "What the-" he shouted in surprise before looking up to glare at her. "What's your problem?"

"You! You're my problem!" she hissed angrily.

"Well, I'm not the one who asked you to traipse your skinny little ass all the way out here! I'm not the one who told you to beg for help for you knocked up little friend!" Guilt rushed through him as Tory gasped and flinched as if slapped. "Sorry," he muttered to the small girl as he wiped furiously at his wet jeans. "OK, Emma Nelson…get off your high horse and tell me what your deal is."

She stood up. "Forget it. It's not important. I'm not important. Nothing."

She turned to walk out, but Tracker caught her arm. "Sit," he ordered. "Eat."

She snatched her arm free. "You're not my-"

"Sit!" he bellowed. Emma looked at him nervously before returning to her seat. "Now…I'm going to go change my pants, and I expect you to be sitting right in that seat when I get back." Emma looked ready to protest, but Tracker cut her off with the wave of his hand. "I'm warning you," he growled. "I'll be _really _pissed if my food gets cold cause I have to hunt your ass down in the street!"

His mother chuckled nervously. "Listen to him, Dear," she whispered as her eyes flickered back and forth between the two. "He means it. He's done it to Sean countless times!"

Emma sighed and nodded, picking up her fork and dropping her eyes. The fight was still there, but she knew that this was one battle she wouldn't win.

"Heard you're getting out next week," Kim said with a smile as she walked into the recreation room.

"Hey! My favorite person!" Sean said with a grin as he stood and pulled out a seat for her.

"So?" she asked excitedly, sitting in her chair. "Is it true?"

Sean nodded. "Yep. Figured this place couldn't handle much more of my ugly mug."

Kim laughed and shook her head. "You know…you're a great guy. It's gonna' be lonely here without you to keep Shanna in line."

"I know. Look…I'll write to you…a lot."

She smiled. "You'd better."

Sean's smile grew. "Try and stop me."

"So…how'd Shanna take the news?"

Before Sean could answer, a chipper female voice startled them both. "Oh, Shanna took it OK," Shanna answered as she sat on the other side of Sean and smiled. "Don't get me wrong. I'll miss the big lug, but he promised to write everyday…like a best friend should."

The other two gaped at her in shock, neither believing what they'd just heard.

"So…" Kim started suspiciously. "You don't _mind _Sean leaving"

Shanna's brow arched as she turned to Kim, a glimmer of challenge in her eyes. "The _real _question is…how do _you _feel about it?"

Kim frowned at her. "I…I'm going to miss him, Shanna. So?"

Shanna nodded and glared. "Thought so…"

Sean sighed. "Uhhh…Ladies? I'm still here…"

Tracker reentered the kitchen and sat down, once again across from Emma. He frowned at her stringy, oily looking hair. The untrained eye might consider it nothing more than a few days on a train without the chance to do much more than 'sponge bathe' in the train station bathrooms, but Tracker saw something else. He saw her pale face. He studied her sunk in eyes and the way her hand shook, rattling the fork in her small hand against the plate as she tried to twirl a mouthful of spaghetti onto the metal tines. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he caught a glimpse of the long, red, puffy, jagged scars running along her wrists. Something in his gut tightened as he realized that she'd meant business by the direction of the cuts.

"When?"

Emma jumped nervously, her utensil dropping from her hand and bouncing from the table to the floor. She sighed and leaned down to pick it up. "Wh-When what?" she asked nervously. '_He can't possibly realize I'm an addict! No way!' _ her mind screeched.

His eyes dropped pointedly to her wrists, making her self conscious as she pulled down the sleeves of her sweatshirt to cover them. He sighed again. "It's not a hard question, Emma. How long…since…you know…you tried…"

"A while, OK? That's all you need to know."

He frowned at her. "That's not really an answer. So…I know you didn't have them back when you were dating Sean…"

Emma's brow arched. "Really? You noticed?" she asked with a smirk. "A little old to be checking out your teen brother's girls, aren't you?"

His eyebrows shot up as he felt the color rise in his cheeks. "Excuse me?"

Emma sighed and sat back hard. "Nothing."

Sean packed and unpacked his bag several times. "Just a few more days," he mumbled to himself as he packed his bag for the fifth time. "I can handle this for a few more days."

"You know…talking to yourself will only add to your time here."

Sean started a bit at the sound of another voice. He looked up with a smile. "Hey! What's up, Whoopy?"

Charlie smirked and sat down on the bed. "Heard you were checkin' out, and I just wanted to see it for myself that it was true…you know…rumors and all."

Sean nodded as he refolded a tee shirt. "Yeah…rumors. But hey! You know…this one's fact."

Charlie nodded. "Glad to hear it, Man. So…did they catch whoever trashed your room?"

Sean shook his head. "If they did, they never told me."

Charlie shrugged. "Sorry to hear that."

Sean shrugged back. "No big deal. I'll be out of here soon enough, and I won't have to worry about that kinda' crap anymore. Besides…it's just stuff."

Charlie nodded. "Yeah…stuff…not like a certain girl you left behind, right?"

Sean sighed and rolled his eyes. "Is there _anyone _in this place I didn't pour my heart out to?"

Charlie laughed and smacked him teasingly on the back. "Well…there _is _that new guy Roger…or Robert, or whatever…"

Sean stared blankly at the wall. "I'm pretty pathetic, huh?" he asked with a small, wistful smile.

Whoopy chuckled and patted his back again. "Oh, yeah, Bud. Pathetic."

Tracker watched as Emma and Tory cleared the dinner dishes. "You don't have to do that," he mumbled, though he didn't make a move to stop either girl.

Tory turned and smiled brightly. "Oh, it's nothing. I owe you one. You know…for letting me stay…well, until…until the little one's born…"

Tracker sighed and nodded. "It's OK. I figure you'll give Mom some company. She's been pretty lonely rambling around here lately."

Once the dishes were at the sink, Emma shooed Tory out of the room, hoping Tracker would follow, eager to finish their conversation. She sighed and rolled her eyes, turning to the soapy bubbles filling the sink as she realized he hadn't gone with the other girl.

He watched her for a few minutes, unsure of what to say. Emma's guard was up, and he knew it. One wrong word and she'd be bolting into the night. He sighed and twisted a shred of napkin between his fingers. If this were Toronto, an area she knew like the back of her hand, it would be one thing. But here…she knew nothing…no one except him. "Emma…I…" He sighed again. "What's the deal? What made you into this…this…"

Emma turned, her brow arched high. "Into this what? Freak? Demon spawn? Evil creature?"

He shook his head. "No. What made you into this broken, twisted mess? What in God's name would make you try to kill yourself?"

She turned away with shame. "You wouldn't understand."

"Was is Sean? The shooting? What?"

"Don't ask me that!" she whispered harshly as the tears stung her eyes.

"You come to my door with a pregnant teenager…looking like shit…God knows if _what _you're strung out on…and you don't want me to ask? Hell, Emma! Somebody should have asked you that a long time ago! Maybe you wouldn't be such a wreck!"

"I'm not a wreck! I'm…I'm…" tears spilled down her cheeks as she crumpled to the floor. "I'm not! I'm…I'm just not!"

Tracker hurried over and pulled her into his arms. "Just tell me what's going on! Is it because you miss Sean?"

She shook her head sharply. "No! I don't miss him at…at all," she moaned. Finally, her whole story poured out as he held her tightly. "And I just miss him dammit! I hate him! Why'd he leave and turn my life to shit?"


	20. Chapter 20: Sick Of Me

Chapter 20: Sick Of Me

Three days later

"You gonna' be OK by yourself?" Tracker asked as he tossed his leather coat over his shoulders.

Emma smiled and handed him his sunglasses. "I'll be fine," she reassured him for about the sixth time that morning. "You've got food…a TV…I'm set for the day."

Tracker nodded and sighed before sliding onto his bike. "I just wish you'd have went to register for classes with Tory."

Emma wrinkled her nose. "And how do you expect me to do that? I'm a runaway, remember?"

"No…you're seventeen. You'll be eighteen in what? Six months?"

She shook her head. "Six weeks. I'll be a senior next year…well, I _would've _been…"

"No shit?" he asked in disbelief.

She grinned. "No shit."

"Holy hell! Well, I guess time flies, doesn't it?" he asked absently as he kick started his bike. "I'll be home from work at 4:30!" he yelled over the noisy engine.

Emma merely nodded and turned to walk back up the steps. Tracker watched to make sure she was safely inside before putting the bike in gear and easing the throttle to get the bike moving. He didn't like leaving her there by herself.

'_She's almost eighteen!' _his mind chided. _'She's nearly an adult! She can take care of herself!' _Another voice broke in…one he didn't like… _'Oh, yeah. Like she's handled herself so great so far!' _

"Oh, shut up!" he muttered to himself as he pulled onto the pavement and kicked the throttle up higher, speeding down the street.

Emma closed the door behind her and locked it, knowing that Tracker would flip if he had to come back for something and found the door unlocked. She sat heavily on the couch and dropped her head into her hands, finally able to take stock in what had happened three days before.

"I tried to make them stop! I screamed! Tracker, I swear I screamed and begged!" she sobbed into his chest. "But they wouldn't! They just kept laughing and hitting me…"

"_You're safe, Emma. It's OK…"_

"_It's not! It'll never be OK! Don't you get it! I hear them laughing all the time! I hear them saying to hold me down…hold my legs…and…and…and when one was finished…"_

"_You don't have to-"_

_Emma continued as if she hadn't heard him. "When one would finish with me…the next one would…"_

Emma lifted her head and wiped the fresh tears from her eyes. "How fucking pathetic am I?" she whispered to herself. How could she have spilled her guts like that to Tracker Cameron of all people? How could she have told him about all that…how they took turns on her…made her beg and scream for them to stop…only to laugh and hit her harder. When she'd finally, blissfully been hit hard enough to knock her out, only to come to and find one of them standing over her…

"Emma! It's me! What-" 

"_Get away from me! Please! I won't tell! Just…please don't hurt me anymore!"_

"_I'm not going to hurt you. Just let me help."_

"_Please stop!"_

_Sirens filled the air, only to be drowned out by Emma's frightened wails._

She sighed and stood up, walking to the closet and grabbing her jacket. She dug into the pocket to find the small plastic bag that she'd hidden within. She'd told herself that she wouldn't use it…but now she knew she would. The memories of that day were too much. She felt dirty and disgusted all over again, and she needed something that would help her forget.

Sean stood at the train station, shifting his bag uncomfortably as he stared at the ticket in his other hand. A one way ticket to Alberta, Canada. He'd been released this morning, and after a quick walk through of the trailer, had decided that his only chance for healing was to get away from here…away from the memories.

"You killed that kid hoping to get a piece of ass off that little slut, didn't you?" 

"_No!" Sean shouted at his father._

_His fist swung out blindly, connecting with Sean's temple and sending him crashing to the floor. "You're nothing but a murdering, whoring little shit!"_

"_Stop it! Please! Don't hurt him!" he could hear his mother faintly cry right before the cracking sound of the back of his father's hand connecting with his mother's cheek, sending her crashing partially on top of Sean, who'd been trying to stand. They both landed on the floor again with a thud._

"_And you! You're always sticking up for him! What the hell does the boy have to do before you realize he's garbage?"_

Sean shook his head quickly to clear the memory. There had to be a good memory in his mind somewhere!

"Emma, I'm sorry for everything I put you through last year. Everything."

"_It's forgotten. Ancient history. Maybe we should get you out of here."_

"We've got one more stop to make."

Why in the hell had he made that last stop? Why hadn't he just handed Jay the keys and let him drive the whole lot of them, including himself, back to Toronto…away from here?

He leaned against a post, wondering what everyone was doing now. He smiled at the thought of Jay and Alex. They were probably partying in the ravine…as usual. And Emma? Emma was probably leading an environmental meeting, forcing Manny to help, as usual, right this moment. He chuckled to himself. Emma…Little Miss Save The World…God! He missed her. Someday…someday he was going to do something big with his life…prove to her that he was worthy of her love and understanding. Someday he would find a way to make up for everything he'd done wrong to her in the past. He _had _to. Even if she'd _said _it was all forgiven…in his mind, nothing had been set right. Not yet. But it would be.

Emma stared at the bag in her palm…memories of her last night with Aaron floating through her mind. How she'd cried…how he'd hit her…how Sean had loved her…

'_Wait!' _her mind did a double take. She sighed and stared harder at the baggy. Why was Sean always popping into her mind? He hadn't been there in a year…hadn't seen what she'd done to herself and those she loved. Why was she thinking of him now?

'_You think he'd want you doing this shit to yourself?' _Emma sighed and tossed the baggy on the table. She turned away and went into the makeshift bedroom that Tracker had set up for her. She dug through her small bag until she'd found the tiny light blue tank top and worn denim short shorts that she'd brought. After putting them on, she ran a brush quickly through her hair and pulled it up into a loose ponytail.

Turning, she went back into the living room and began looking around. The place wasn't _too _bad, as his mother had been keeping up on most of the housecleaning. Still…there were a few things she could help out with. After all, this was her temporary home, and it was high time she stopped pissing and moaning about her past and did something constructive.

Three hours later, Tracker unlocked the door. _'I'm just here for lunch…not here to check up on her,' _his mind keptchattering. What he saw made him drop his keys. His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared.

"Emma Christine Nelson! Get your ass in here!"

"Tracker?" came the reply. He heard her small feet tapping on the linoleum as she hurried into the room. His eyes swept over her as she entered with a worried frown etched across her face. "What is it? What's wrong? I thought you weren't supposed to be here for-"

His anger returned quickly, like a flash fire. He pointed at the bag on the table. "What the fuck is this shit? I thought you said you were here to clean out?"

"I…I am! I mean…I thought of doing…I wanted…" she stammered.

"Get your shit and get out!"

"Wh-What?"

"You heard me! I don't want that shit in my house! Do you want them to take Tory's baby?"

"I didn't-"

"What the fuck are you thinking?" he shouted. "Do you have any idea what that shit will do to you?"

Tears dripped from Emma's chin. "Yeah…firsthand!" she mumbled as she turned and grabbed the bag. "And that's why I didn't use!" She turned to go to her room.

Tracker sighed. "Emma, wait!" he called out. She stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Swear you didn't use?"

Emma nodded. "I swear on my eyes, Track."

"How can I be so sure you won't use?" he asked.

Emma returned to him and took his hand. "C'mon."

"Huh?"

"Just come with me," she said, tugging at him. He followed as she led him to the bathroom. She handed him the small baggy.

"What the hell do you want me to do with this?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Flush it." She saw his look of confusion and sighed again. "Open the bag…dump the contents in the toilet…then flush said toilet…"

He rolled his eyes, trying to hide a smirk. "Smart ass," he mumbled as he did what she said.

Sean shifted uncomfortably as the train pulled up. Why was this so hard?

"Sir, we won't be leaving again for half an hour," the conductor said as Sean handed him his ticket. "They are making a minor repair."

Sean sighed and nodded, taking his ticket back. His stomach grumbled with nervousness, and he decided to grab a bite to eat. As he walked away, thoughts of Emma filled his head.

_"Sean? Can you hand me that last flier?"_

"_Yeah…just a sec," he mumbled as he picked up the roll of tape laying on top of it. "Ummm…Em? You spelled 'environment' wrong_."

_"What?" she asked, walking over. She stared at the poster for a moment before slamming her fist on the table. "Stupid Manny! She made this one up!"_

"_Emma," he chuckled. "Chill. It's an easy fix."_

"_Still…she knew that this had to be perfect!" She sighed as Sean corrected the poster. "Ever since she went into 'looking good mode', she acts like she doesn't care!"_

_Sean shrugged. "She's growing up." He smiled at her arched brow and gave it a quick kiss to smooth it a bit. "Em…she's just experimenting. She's trying something new."_

"_Like looks are so important!" she huffed as Sean held the paper against the wall. _

_He watched her out of the corner of his eye while she carefully taped each corner. "Em…it's different for her. She's not happy being cute. She's not like you."_

_A blush crept up her cheeks. "Are you saying I'm cute?" she asked._

_He chuckled and grabbed her, wrestling with her teasingly. "Shut up!" he laughed._

"I can't do this!" Sean mumbled to himself. "I can't go there and pretend-"

"Can I help you, Sir?"

Sean jumped and looked around in surprise. He had inadvertently walked to the ticket counter. He sighed and looked around. "I…I…"

"Yes?" the thin, balding man asked impatiently.

Sean swallowed hard and cleared his throat. "I need to return my ticket please."

Tracker and Emma sat on the couch with their bowls of Fruit Loops. "Your mom's gonna' flip if she catches us, you know," Emma mumbled between bites.

Tracker shrugged. "What she don't know won't hurt her."

Emma rolled her eyes and shoved another spoonful into her mouth. "Thanks."

"For what?" he asked in confusion.

"For believing me. For being willing to give me a chance," her eyes raised skyward as she thought for a moment. "Ummm…for feeding me Fruit Loops in the middle of the afternoon…"

Tracker chuckled. "Shut up, you nut," he said as he pulled a piece from his bowl and tossed it at her, bouncing it off her nose.

"Hey! No food fights on the couch," she laughed as she tossed one back.

"Who's gonna' stop me?" Another Fruit Loop soared through the air, landing neatly in her hair.

"Oh, you are so in for it!" she laughed and set her bowl down. "It is so on!"

Tracker laughed and barely set his bowl down before Emma soared through the air and tackled him. He tried to catch his breath. "Stop it, Em! No tickling! No fair."

Emma's hands stilled. Her eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and pain. "What's wrong?" he asked trying to sit up. "Did I scare you? I'm sor-"

Emma shook her head violently. "No…it's just…you sounded like…like Sean when you said that."

Tracker sighed and pulled her close. "You miss him, huh?" Emma nodded against his chest. "You'll see him again."

She shook her head again. "I don't want to! I…he shouldn't have left! It's his fault I'm like this!" Emma said, even though she knew in her heart it wasn't.

"Emma…I don't know…I mean…I feel sort of conflicted here." He sighed. "He…loves you. You know that, right?"

Emma nodded sadly. "Yeah…and he still left. What's that say about me? I'm forgettable."

Tracker shook his head and tipped her chin to look in her eyes. "You know that's not true. Hell, I thought about you a lot when you guys split…and we never even…" he sighed, realizing he'd said more than he'd wanted. He watched her eyes as recognition floated through them. He sighed. "Hell! Fine…Emma…if you were a few years older…and not my brother's girl…"

Before he could finish, Emma's lips met his softly. His mind screamed to push her away, but his hands betrayed him as he pulled her closer and let his tongue roam across her bottom lip softly.


	21. Chapter 21: Redemption Road

Chapter 21: Redemption Road

Emma was lying underneath Tracker. His hand squeezed her hip softly and she moaned and arched her hips against his lower body. Her hands wove themselves into his hair and pulled his lips tighter against hers, deepening the kiss. Tracker's sighed into her lips and softly moved his hand up her side.

'_Don't scare her…' his mind whispered. 'She's been through enough.'_

His hand settled gently on her neck, cupping it. He reveled in the feel of her soft tongue dancing against his.

Suddenly, a car horn honked in the distance, making them both jump. The reality of what was going on…what could have happened…entered both their minds. They pulled apart quickly and sat up. Emma fixed her clothing nervously, avoiding eye contact.

"I…uhhh…yeah," Emma mumbled.

"Emma…it…nothing happened."

She nodded and jumped up. "I'm going to start dinner so your mom doesn't have to rush," she mumbled as she hurried to the kitchen.

"Emma!" Tracker tried again.

She ignored him and plowed on. "I'm not much into meat dishes…but I can make a vegetarian lasagna dish. Then a salad. And garlic bread…don't wanna' forget the garlic bread…"

"Emma, please. We need to talk about this-"

"All your mom will have to do is make some sort of meat to go along with it…if she wants to."

"You can't ignore this. Emma! It was a kiss. Nothing more…nothing less. It happened. It meant nothing."

Emma stopped cold, the knife in her hand slipping and clattering to the floor. Tracker's heart ached when he heard the pain in her voice. "It meant nothing to you?" she whispered softly.

Tracker took a step towards her, kicking himself for bringing her more tears. He touched her shoulder and turned her to him, pulling her into his arms. "I meant that it meant no more than you want it to mean. But it meant a lot to me…" he muttered softly before his lips sought hers again.

Sean rang the doorbell and sighed as he shifted the pack on his shoulder uncomfortably. This wasn't how it should have been. When the door opened, he cleared his throat and looked into his closest friends' eyes.

"Sean? I thought you were going to stay with your brother in Alberta," Tyler said in confusion as he stared at the slightly shorter boy.

Sean shrugged. "Ehh…figured I'd hang with your ugly mug for a while," he replied with what he hoped was a legitimate looking smirk.

He could tell by Tyler's eye roll that he'd failed miserably, as usual. "Yeah…sure…" Tyler said and clapped him on the back as he led him inside.

"Am I that predictable?" Sean asked.

Tyler chuckled and shook his head. "Nah, Man. Not at all," he answered sarcastically.

"Shoot me now!" Sean moaned as he carried his bag to the spare room Tyler's parents had set up for him.

"OK…that statement is just a little creepy…you know…after what your dad did and all…"

Sean chuckled. "Yeah? Yeah…I guess it is."

"So…" Tyler said, plopping down on the bed. "What really brings you back here? I can't see you bailing on Track unless it's something really important."

Sean nodded. "It is."

"So then spill it."

Sean flopped down on the bed next to his new best friend. "I want to see Emma."

Tyler shrugged. "So? Go back and see her."

"I can't. I'm not…not…"

"What? You're not what? Stable? Brave? Good looking? You're not what?"

"I'm just…I'm not good enough."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "You're still on that load of horse shit? Weren't you the one that always told me that Emma was the only one who could make you _feel _good enough for her?"

Sean nodded. "Yeah. But this time it's not enough. This time I actually have to _be _good enough."

"So what are you gonna' do?"

Sean shrugged. "I don't know. But until I figure that out, I can't go home…Toronto…I can't go back to Toronto."

Tracker pulled back from Emma and put his forehead against hers. "We're playing with fire. You know that, right?"

Emma looked at him, confusion swirling in her eyes. Tracker sighed and tried to think of a way to explain. "You're seventeen…"

"I'll be eighteen soon," she reminded him, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt and nipping softly at his neck.

He pulled away again and caught her hands in his own. "It's not just that. It's…it's…" he sighed at the hurt expression on her face. "Emma, it's Sean. How can we have this…this thing…and expect it not to hurt Sean?"

"To hell with Sean! He's the one who bailed on me! I just needed him, and he bailed!"

"Emma…" Tracker sighed. "Emma, you're not going to feel that way forever. Especially when I tell you something." He heaved another sigh and plopped down on a kitchen chair. "I should have told you before, but…with everything you've been going through, I didn't…"

Emma sat across from him and twisted her hands anxiously. "Get to the point, Cameron!"

"Emma…Sean's not doing so hot. He's…he just got out of a mental hospital over in Wasaga."

Emma jumped up from the table. "What? Are you serious?" She paced nervously back and forth along the faded linoleum of the kitchen floor. Her head dropped, examining the simple circular pattern as if it were the most intricate design in the world.

Tracker sighed and ran a hand sadly through his hair. "I wish I were."

She paced, dumbfounded. How had this happened? How had Sean gone all the way home to Wasaga…the place she'd known he needed to be…just to become as messed up as her? Confusion and pain suddenly gave way to slowly simmering anger, which soon gave way to boiling rage. She lunged at Tracker, pummeling his chest. "Why didn't you tell me sooner!"

Tracker tried to catch her hands as they pelted his face…his chest…"Emma stop! I wanted to tell you, but…"

She pulled back, panting. "What? What Tracker? You tried to tell me, but…"

"I couldn't, dammit! Look at you! You're a mess! You wouldn't have been able to handle it!"

Emma crumpled sadly into one of Tracker's hard wooden chairs. She stared off into space. "Thanks for having the faith in me to trust me," she hissed sarcastically.

Sean shifted uncomfortably on the bed Tyler had offered him. It's not like it wasn't a nice bed. The mattress was soft…the pillows were like marshmallows beneath his cheek. The problem wasn't the bed. The problem was himself.

How could he prove to Emma that he was worthy of her love when he himself felt unworthy? He thought about how her mom had struggled to take care of her while she was growing up. She'd wanted for a lot of things in her young life…but never for parental love. Her home was broken from the start, but she hadn't missed her father one bit until her mother had remarried and there was a new baby on the way.

And who could blame her? It couldn't have been easy to watch her mother and feel like the love she'd given her all her life was being transferred onto a new baby. He knew deep down that Emma had fought the urge to resent Jack before his birth, being forced into a smelly basement room that offered little privacy year-round…no privacy on laundry day. But, other than taking off to meet her real father Shane, Emma had offered little resistance.

Sean tossed and punched the pillow beneath his head, trying to get more comfortable. He thought of his own childhood. The only struggle his parents seemed to suffer…seemed to concern themselves with…was whose turn it was to go down to the liquor store on the corner and buy the next bottle of booze.

It had been Sean and Tracker who'd had the real struggle. His parents never worried about whether they'd had clothes on their backs or food in their stomachs. They'd gone years, Sean was sure, with nothing more than donations from pitying parents because his parents would sell their food stamps for booze…booze…and more booze.

Sean, unlike Emma, had grown up with a chip on his shoulder. He'd grown to resent his lot in life. He grew up angry and resentful. He'd become full of hate. He fought to protect himself. He fought to protect his family's name. He'd fought to get rid of some of the rage that held him down and swallowed him up. He fought to hide the pain and shame of his upbringing.

Emma…she was the one who'd made him see that fighting didn't make him a bigger person. Fighting had done nothing but get him in trouble. He smiled a bit. Then again, fighting is what had gotten him sent to Toronto, and to Emma.

He sighed sadly and rolled over again. And fighting was the one thing that had lost her…not once, but twice. Now he wasn't sure if he could prove to her that his fighting days were over. He wasn't sure if he _was _worthy of Emma…let alone if he was worth anything at all. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was bound and determined to try.


	22. Chapter 22: Redemption is Harder Than It

Part 22: Redemption is Harder Than It Looks

Emma lay on the couch, staring at the TV, but not seeing what was going on. She heard the cars revving along, but paid them no mind. All she could think about was that he was downstairs, working on his motorcycle…giving her space. But…did she really want space?

She fought the urge to jump up and run to the door when it opened. Tracker had done his best to avoid her for the last three days. Ever since that damned kiss. She sighed. Why was all this going on? Why had he kissed her? Why had it felt so good? Why did her toes still curl whenever she thought of his lips on hers?

She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear him enter the room until he cleared his throat. For the first time in a long time, the sound didn't make her skittish. She turned her head slightly, her eyes meeting his. "Yeah?" she asked casually, though her heart was thumping so loudly that there was a swishing sound in her ears.

"I…uhhh…" Tracker stammered. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm done with the bike, and I thought I'd go down to Dillard's Deli and grab a bite. You want anything?"

She shook her head 'no' and stared blankly at the TV again.

Tracker sighed in irritation. "Are you ever going to talk to me again?" he asked.

"I said, 'yeah' didn't I?" she asked smartly.

He sighed again and went to the TV, shutting it off angrily. "Oh, quit pretending you're watching that damned race!" he shouted, finally getting a reaction from her. She jumped a bit, but refused to show more emotion than that.

"OK…you want to talk…" she said calmly. "So…talk." She instantly regretted looking him in the eyes again. The look she saw there was too intense. She wasn't sure she could fight it. Her gut tightened and her chest tingled a bit. She couldn't back down…couldn't show her weakness…or she'd lose this battle.

"Emma…I…"

Well, at least he was as uncomfortable about this whole thing as she was. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Yet, it seemed like an instant. Neither could tear their eyes away long enough to look at the clock.

Finally, Tracker sighed and walked over to the couch. He took her hand and helped her stand up. Their eyes unlocked only long enough for Tracker to guide her down the small hallway and into his bedroom.

Emma's head swirled. She thought of everything that had happened to her…Aaron…the bracelet game…two rapes…finding out about Sean…there was so much going on. She was a drug addict rape victim! She wasn't worth shit…and yet…Sean and Tracker…they thought she was worth something. No! Not Tracker. Tracker was just feeling sorry for her, right?

He closed the door quietly and turned, their eyes locking again.

"Track…I…this probably won't make things better," she stammered. "In fact, things will get worse."

Suddenly he was right in front of her, staring intensely into her eyes. She couldn't seem to look away. She swallowed hard, unable to speak. She bit her bottom lip, wishing the words would come to her, but her brain seemed to freeze. She finally sighed and started to walk to the door, but he caught her hand. She turned back and looked down at his hand then back into his eyes. Before she could open her mouth to speak, his lips caught hers.

Everything seemed to sweep from Emma's brain. There were fifty reasons why this wouldn't work, yet all fifty flew out the window when his tongue lightly touched hers.

Sean sat on the bed watching the rain splatter against the window. "Damn!" he muttered angrily to himself. Of all the luck!

Today was supposed to be his first day of work. The job wasn't much, but the pay was good. At first, he'd been excited about it…but now he was starting to see why the pay was so good. Weather had to permit before he could actually do his job!

There was a knock at his door and he turned. "Come in!" he called out before turning to stare sadly out the window again.

"Soooo…" Tyler said, walking inside. "No work today, huh?"

Sean sighed and turned to his best friend. "Gee…now what good would it do to paint houses in the rain?!"

Tyler smiled and nodded. "I hear ya', Man."

"How in the hell am I supposed to make money? If I can't make money, I can't prove to Emma I'm worth bothering with!"

Tyler sat down on the windowsill and glared at Sean, crossing his arms angrily. "You know…I'm _really _getting sick of explaining this to you! If Emma's this awesome person that you claim she is, she aint gonna' give a damn how much money you've got!"

Sean sighed and shook his head. "You don't get it. I have to prove to her that I'm not gonna' run this time."

Tyler raised an eyebrow in confusion. "OK…so…you're going to get a job here, then quit and go back to Toronto…how is that going to prove you're ready to stay in one place."

Sean pulled an envelope from under his mattress. "It won't. But…this might," he said, handing the envelope to his friend.

Tyler scanned the papers and looked up at Sean. "You're serious about this, Cameron?" Sean just nodded.

"Well…I don't…I don't know what to say. I'm proud of you, Man."

Sean gave him a dry look. "Funny, Man."

Tyler shook his head. "I'm serious. You've got a really bad history, and you're working to make your life better, and move past it. It's just…"

"It's just what?"

"It's just…" Tyler sighed. "If you're not doing this for yourself…if it's only for Emma…then it won't work."

"Emma's worth it."

"Yeah? And so are you. Just…just do it for you, or you're going to fail is all I'm saying."

Sean looked out the window again. This wasn't something he wanted to think about! Luckily…"Hey!" Sean said with relief. "The rain let up. I gotta' get to work." He grabbed his jacket and rushed out before Tyler could say another word.

Emma pulled away. She felt hot all over. "Tracker. We can't. This isn't right," she whispered.

"I know," he whispered back, his forehead resting against hers. "I'm sorry."

Emma sighed sadly and started to pull away, but his eyes caught hers again. Soon, their lips met again. This time, his kiss was more frantic. Everything seemed necessary…rushed.

He tugged the hem of her shirt, trying to pull it over her head, but she pushed at his hands. "Track…"

"I can't help it," he whispered against her lips. "I know we need to stop, but…" Even as the words came out, he was tugging at the cord that held the waist band of her running pants. "I need you, Emma."

Something inside Emma snapped. It felt like a dam had burst. Before they knew it, they were both naked. Tracker studied her nude body…every scar…every freckle…"God, you're beautiful," he whispered.

"No, I'm not," she replied covering her chest.

Tracker pulled her hands away. "Yeah…you are." He sat up and his lips caught her neck, making her gasp in surprise.

Soon after, Emma's body covered Tracker's. His hands were on her hips, guiding her. Their eyes stayed locked and their soft whispers and moans filled the room.

Emma reveled in the feel of Tracker. She reveled in the fact that this was the first time she'd ever been with someone and actually enjoyed herself. She realized that she wasn't crying in pain and fear.

"Emma!"

Her eyes snapped open in surprise.

Sean stood on the ladder and slid the brush across the side of the house, a frown creasing his forehead. Why would anyone in their right mind paint such a nice house such an ugly shade of blue?

Sean's frown deepened as a memory of Emma's crying face popped into his mind. He remembered those tears from the day she'd thanked him for saving her life. Why had she done that? Why had she thanked him? Didn't she know he'd have taken a bullet to save her life? Didn't she know that all the agony he'd gone through over killing Rick was worth it…just as long as she was alive?

"_You saved my life," _Emma had almost whispered as she wrapped her arms around him. It was his first hug from her since their breakup.

"Hey, Cameron!"

Sean nearly fell off the ladder when his boss's voice startled him. "Yeah?" he called back down.

"You gonna' paint…or do you plan on standing there like an idiot all day?"

Sean looked down and the paintbrush, the paint already beginning to dry on the bristles. "Sorry…painting," he answered as he dipped the brush into the bucket and pulled back that ugly shade of blue…so gross looking!

"Yeah…well…" his boss smirked. "When you planning on taking a break? All the other guys have been gone almost ten minutes already…and I don't pay you extra just cause you work through supper. Or…should I say 'daydream' through supper?"

Sean cleared his throat and ignored the growling of his stomach. He couldn't mess this up! He needed this job so he could get back to Toronto and prove himself to Emma! "Yeah…about that…I just figured that, since I sort of drifted off, I'd make up for my lost time."

His boss shook his head. "No can do. You got a visitor, and she's been dying to see you."

"Say what? Who?"

His boss shrugged. "Didn't catch her name. She's quite a cute little thing, though."

Sean frowned as he climbed down the ladder. Who could be here to see him? Who even knew he was here?

His boss hooked his thumb. "She's in the office. Says paint fumes make her nauseous."

Sean's confusion grew as he walked into the office. Emma was the only girl he could think of who got nauseous at the smell of wet paint…and that was only when she hadn't eaten breakfast.

"Hi, Sean," the familiar feminine voice nearly whispered.

His head snapped up. "You? What the hell are you doing here?"


	23. Chapter 23: Breathe

Chapter 23: Breathe

**I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way  
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've  
Never been this swept away**

"Go talk to her, Man. You'll feel a lot better," Joey said, frowning at the limp and greasy French fry before throwing it back on his tray.

Snake sighed. "She won't talk to me."

Joey shook his head at his friend who was mooning over Spike as he watched her add highlights to an older woman's hair. "You two eventually have to work things out. My couch is getting a worn spot from you crying on it all night long."

Snake picked up a fry and threw it at Joey, who quickly ducked out of the line of fire with a chuckle. He quickly became serious again. "I knew back in high school that you two would be together someday. Don't let it end over something so incredibly stupid."****

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze  
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms  
The whole world just fades away  
The only thing I hear  
Is the beating of your heart

Alex felt the heat of his chest against her cheek and held her eyes closed tightly. How long had it been since he'd held her like this? Had he ever held her like this? Alex tried to remember a time when Jay had just held her…no sex…just cuddling. She didn't think it had ever happened before.

Jay sensed that Alex was awake. "Whatchya' thinkin'?" he asked quietly, as if he was trying not to break the stillness of the quiet morning.

Alex frowned, ashamed of herself for letting her thoughts roam into _mushy territory_. "I was just wondering if Emma's ok," she lied.

The disappointment in Jay's voice was evident as he mumbled "Oh." He sighed and gently nudged Alex over so he could stand up. "I'm going to hop in the shower and then go out looking for her again."

Alex started to get up. "I'll get dressed and come with you."

"No!" he snapped. Seeing Alex jump, he softened his tone. "I have a feeling she might be calling soon. Just…" he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He couldn't spend the day trapped in his small car with Alex! "Just hang here in case she calls."

Alex nodded, secretly relieved that he'd made the suggestion. She climbed back under the covers, fighting off the wave of emptiness that filled her heart.****

'Cause I can feel you breathe  
It's washing over me  
Suddenly I'm melting into you  
There's nothing left to prove  
Baby all we need is just to be  
Caught up in the touch  
The slow and steady rush  
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be  
I can feel you breathe  
Just breathe

Spike felt warm tingles down her spine. She looked up from Mrs. Hannity's highlights and into the eyes of Snake, who was leaning down. "Oh!" she started, breathless from being startled. Her eyes suddenly flashed over with anger and she glared icily at him. "What do you want Arch?"

"Christine, I love you. I always loved you."

She shook her head violently, willing the tears not to come. "Love? Are you kidding me? Love doesn't make you run to the arms of another woman!"

Mrs. Hannity gave a small gasp. Spike realized that they were being overheard and took Snake by the arm. "This won't take but a minute, Agnes."

Mrs. Hannity nodded, but watched in disappointment as Spike drug Snake into the back room. As soon as she shut the door and flipped on the light, she spun around to face him. Her face was twisted in pain and anger. "How dare you come into my workplace and try to make a fool out of me!" she hissed with rage.

"I wasn't trying to do that!" he said sadly. "Christine, without you…I can't do anything right. I miss you, Sweetheart. Can't you see that?"

She shook her head violently. "No! What I see is a lonely old man trying to get back a sure thing!"

"No! Christine, listen to me. I moved in with Joey weeks ago. I miss you. I miss Jack. I miss Emma. Don't you get it? I miss our family!"

A tear trickled down Spike's face. "I miss us too," she sobbed as Snake pulled her against his chest. For the first time in a long time, Spike felt complete.****

In a way I know my heart is waking up  
As all the walls come tumbling down  
I'm closer than I've ever felt before  
And I know  
And you know  
There's no need for words right now

Jay shifted gears before taking a small sip of the hot coffee Alex had made for him while he was in the shower. A small smile traced his lips as he thought about the night before.

Exhausted from a day of searching for Emma, Alex and Jay had showered together to save time and water while washing away the day's grime. There was nothing sexual about the shower, but somehow it had seemed so sensual. Tingles ran down Jay's spine and his body tightened as he remembered Alex's soft hands washing his back. He took a deep breath and forced his body to relax. A glance at the speedometer told him he needed to slow down, and he eased off the gas pedal a bit so he could take the curve without squealing his tires.

He and Alex had always made sense. Even after everything he had put her through; the fiasco in the ravine with Emma and Amy; Alex had come back. Alex always came back. Why did she keep coming back?

'_Because she loves you, you idiot,' _his mind whispered. _'She loves you just as much as you love her.'_

The realization hit him like a kick to the gut. He loved Alex Nunez, and here he was driving around the streets of Toronto while she was sitting at home alone, not knowing how he felt. A quick glance in his mirror showed that no traffic was behind him and he slammed on his breaks, shifted down, and spun the wheel like an expert. The result was a perfect one-eighty. When the car shuddered to a stop, he hit the accelerator, squealing tires again as he hurried back to Alex's house.****

'Cause I can feel you breathe  
It's washing over me  
Suddenly I'm melting into you  
There's nothing left to prove  
Baby all we need is just to be  
Caught up in the touch  
The slow and steady rush  
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be  
I can feel you breathe  
Just breathe

Snake slowly pulled away from Spike to catch his breath. "Does this mean we're going to work things out?" he asked hopefully.

Spike pushed her hair behind her ear. "I…I don't know. Archie, you hurt me so bad!"

Snake pulled her against him. "I know. I don't think I'll ever be able to apologize enough."

Spike shook her head. "No. You won't." She stared at him sternly and his head dropped in defeat. "And if you ever think of hurting me like that again, you'd better think again," she murmured softly before her lips touched his again.****

Caught up in the touch  
The slow and steady rush  
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be  
I can feel you breathe  
Just breathe

Jay ran up the steps and hit the door, making it fly open. Alex jumped, startled, from the couch. "Jay! What the hell's the big idea? You scared me to death!"

Jay watched her for a moment before speaking. "You know what scares me?" Alex frowned and shook her head. "What scares me is the fact that we took a shower together, slept together last night…and not once did we have sex."

Alex felt the rage burning inside of her. "Oh, gee. So, what? Am I supposed to get naked so you can ravage me?"

He laughed and took a step closer to her. "You don't get it. We didn't have sex one time, and it didn't matter one damned bit. I still felt relaxed and comfortable with you."

She stared at him in confusion. "What are you getting at?"

"I felt comfortable because we weren't just going at it just to unwind. I felt comfortable because I was right where I needed to be in that moment. I was with you, Alex…I love…" He sighed and changed his words. "I love being with you just to be with you."

'_I love you,' _his mind whispered.

Alex sighed. He loved being with her…but he didn't love her. "I…I love being with you too."

'_I love you, even if you don't love me,' _her mind whispered as Jay pulled her against him and held her tightly.****

I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way

Lyrics to "Just Breathe" by Faith Hill


End file.
